“Definitely.”
seven
Rusty – Then
Ourfirstsemesterwasdone. I could finally breathe. I’d gotten through my course load, and I was sure I’d passed everything. Hopefully I got the grades I worked for too.
I crossed the threshold of the lecture hall where our exam had been held and then stopped in my tracks. Before me was a winter wonderland. Two hours had passed, and the landscape was completely different from how it’d been when I’d entered. The winter sun had set. It was dark and cold. Snow was falling. A thick layer of white coated everything. It was quiet too. A hush had fallen, blanketing the campus in silence.
People shoved past me, but I didn’t care. I’d never seen much snow before—I was a Tucson boy, and while it sometimes snowed there, it was never as beautiful. Maybe it was just my good mood making it prettier, but snow at home always reminded me of dirty slush. This was so different. It was incredible. I was enthralled by the fluffy snowflakes drifting slowly to the ground. I tilted my face up, and one landed on my cheek, whisper soft and cold on my skin.
I laughed in delight, unable to focus on just one thing. My gaze bounced from the grey sky filled with slowly falling flakes to the white-covered grassy sections of the quad and then the tree branches that already looked like a picture on a postcard.
The whole scene before me was painted in white. It was magical. It was like a Christmas movie, decorations included.
I descended the steps of the old stone building and wandered along the path. I held my gloved hands out to try and catch the flakes. I couldn’t get enough of how pretty the campus looked.
People swerved around me, hurrying to get out of the weather, their heads down and arms wrapped around themselves to keep out the biting cold. They were headed to the cafeteria, dorms, and frat row, the line of stately old manors that housed the frat and sorority houses.
I lingered, wishing that Travis and Jacques were with me. I wanted to stay out all night, basking in the purity of the moment. I was filled with a childlike wonder, and I never wanted it or the breathtaking beauty of this very moment to end.
Not even the deadline I’d set that required me to put myself out there and confess my feelings to Travis and Jacques—dimmed the magical moment.
Could I do it? Could I push past the shyness that so often stole my words with other people and be open with them? I wasn’t a complete loner, but peopling was hard work. I got exhausted easily when I was in crowded places. But it was different with Jacques and Travis. It had taken me a few months to get comfortable with them, but they’d shown me so much patience.
Travis was always a ball of energy. He bounced around, always happy, the life of the party. He was like a Labrador puppy who just didn’t stop. But when it was just the three of us, he was more chill. It was as if he dropped the act and just let himself be.
Jacques was just as active but in a different way. He was an athlete to his very soul. His training regime was brutal, but he never complained. I’d never met anyone as dedicated to any sport as Jacques was to hockey. He lived it seven days a week, eating, studying, and sleeping between training and games.
He’d outplayed a few of the sophomores and seniors on the team and gained their respect. I’d heard the rumors about how he was NHL bound, scouts already eyeing him. A lot could happen during college, but being the star starting freshman on the college hockey team meant that his college career was off to a great start. He wasn’t a dick about his popularity, though. He had a level head and was kind and thoughtful. He was also smart as hell and so aware—he saw things that most people ignored. He’d known Travis’s childhood had been rough before he’d even seen the faded scars on Travis’s back.
I spent more time with Jacques and Travis than any of the other brothers in the frat, and our friendship had grown stronger by the day. It didn’t matter whether we were streaming a movie, studying, watching a hockey game, or laughing over late-night snacks of pretzels and chips—I loved spending time with them. The parties were harder, but that was because of my aversion to people in general, not because of Travis and Jacques.
Lately, I found myself looking for them, wanting to catch glimpses of my guys around campus. Most days I couldn’t wait to get back to the house just so I could see them. It was a bonus if I had some coding to show them. They always watched with fascination when I showed them my doodles. Their praise made me feel ten feet tall.
I wasn’t sure when it dawned on me that my feelings were becoming more than friendship. But when it did, it was an “aha” moment. I was falling in love with them. It was hard not to when Travis and Jacques were such amazing guys. They were there for me no matter what. On days when I was overwhelmed and needed to recharge my social battery, they silently—and not so silently when brothers complained that I had the personality of a dead fish—gave me space. But they never went far. They stayed close just to make sure I was okay. They made sure I ate when I couldn’t tear myself away from my computer, and they surprised me with my favorite movies and snacks for my birthday.
But it wasn’t all quiet times together either. When the guys thought I’d been alone long enough, they’d take me out. But they always stuck by me, and the last few times I’d been to parties with them, we’d had fun.
It was those emotions that stirred the attraction in me, and I couldn’t deny it anymore. When I closed my eyes, I imagined touching them. I was desperate to feel the press of their lips against mine and their hard bodies under me. I wanted to make them come, and I wanted to be buried inside one of them when I came.
I’d never had that before. I’d never once been attracted to anyone. I got hard like other guys, but it was a bodily function, not over someone. I didn’t jack off—it just wasn’t something I needed—and the idea of touching someone else that way was completely foreign. Until now.
I’d played it off as friendship at first, ignoring the way my body was reacting to them. But I was beyond that point now. Way beyond. At first I’d looked in horror at the wet patches on my sheets and in my shorts when I’d woken up gasping from a wet dream. Now I relished the dreams, and I wanted to try so much of it.
But that caused another problem. I hadn’t been nervous around them for months, but it was getting worse again. Whenever I looked at them, my dreams popped into my mind’s eye, and the memories…. Well, instant boner.
Jacques and Travis had been hooking up for months. They weren’t exclusive—both still slept with girls, and they sometimes even shared them—but no one knew the truth about their relationship except me. They kept their hookups to our room. They only screwed around when they thought I was asleep. Most of the time I was, but they often woke me up when they’d stumble in, already stripping off their clothes.
It was stupid, and kind of stalkerish, but the nights when they came home and crashed through the door were my favorites. It was almost as if they were coming home to me even though I was in the bed next to Jacques’s. They’d strip their clothes off, throwing them haphazardly all over the floor in their rush to get close to each other, and then they’d suck and fuck until they were muffling their cries into Jacques’s pillow.
My body was always wound so tight when I heard them, and I’d perfected the art of squeezing the fuck out of my cock until it deflated. It only delayed the inevitable, though—I would have to jack off in the shower the next morning, unable to put it off any longer.
Now not even my own hand was enough.
And I was about to go back to our room and tell them what I wanted.
Them.
