“You have,” he conceded and waited me out again.
It was infuriating, but I knew he wasn’t trying to annoy me. He was giving me the space to ask him what I needed to in my own time.
“I like Cara,” I started, and Ezra laughed. Flat out chuckled.
“That was obvious the other night, and she’s totally into you, too, in case you didn’t realize.” His voice was warm and encouraging, but also teasing. Him being relaxed about this lightened the weight on my chest. “But I’m more interested in what’s going on with Cara and Alec. And maybe you and Alec?”
“Alec likes her too.” I swallowed and let out a shuddery laugh. “I kind of like him as well.”
“As in….” Ezra laughed again and added, “Jesus, we’re talking like we’re twelve.”
“Might as well be for how I’m feeling at the moment,” I muttered, embarrassed that I had no idea how to make this work.
“Hey, listen,” he coaxed gently. “You know we’re one hundred percent behind you, don’t you? You aren’t going to cop any flack from us for being into a guy.”
I exhaled heavily. “I know you won’t hang any shit on me, but….”
“Are you struggling because he’s a guy? Or is it something else?” Ezra asked, encouraging me to open up to him.
I rubbed my forehead and shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. I didn’t so much have an issue with being into Alec. It was more how to tell him and fix what I’d potentially broken that was the problem.
“It’s…. Everything was great. We sort of fell into this groove where we were together, and it felt natural. Easy, too. It didn’t even occur to me that getting naked with Cara while Alec was there wasn’t exactly… conventional. I told Cara that she didn’t have to choose, and I stand by that. But then yesterday everything blew up—”
“Zali’s managed to take down most of the images. She’s yanking the stragglers from servers as we speak.”
“She is?” I asked, blown away by my daughter’s skills. I had no idea where she got her talent from—it certainly wasn’t from me—but I appreciated her so very much. The fact that she’d step in to do this for Cara and Alec meant the world to me. It wasn’t fair that Cara copped the vitriol from internet trolls. She didn’t deserve it—not when she was the ray of sunshine in both our days.
“Of course,” Ezra said as if he couldn’t believe I’d asked the question. “You and Cara are two of Zali’s favourite people. She’ll do whatever it takes to help you.”
“Just tell her to keep it legal,” I warned.
Ezra huffed out a laugh but didn’t reply and I took that as my cue to not ask any more questions. Sometimes not knowing what my daughter was up to was better for everyone involved.
“Yesterday morning, after we found out that the pics went viral, we had a fight. Alec said some things, and I misread the situation and blew up at him. Cara got upset and left. I followed her out, but she didn’t want to speak with me. I haven’t spoken with either one of them since, and I don’t think they’ve talked either.”
“But you want to speak to them?”
“Yeah. I do. I….” I blew out a breath and rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. The admission I was about to make felt big. Significant. “I don’t want it to be over. I’m crazy about Cara, and I know Alec is meant to be with us too.” I smiled, warmth bubbling up in my chest and making my insides tingly. That’s exactly what it was—Alec was ours. We were destined to be together.
I didn’t want to think about what would happen when he left. We were down to single-digit days now. The knowledge weighed heavily on me. But there was nothing I could do about it. If I focussed on that, I’d ruin the time we had left, or I could ignore it and make it future me’s problem.
“I never thought I’d fall for anyone again, Ez,” I admitted softly. “I thought Rosa was it for me. I thought she was my one and only chance. But it’s happened. I’ve fallen for both of them.”
I could hear the smile in Ezra’s voice when he said, “I’m happy for you, Roe.”
But there was a big hurdle between the now and where I wanted us to be. “I want us to get past this fight.”
“You will. Just be open and honest, mate. Ask the same of them.”
He said it like it was the simplest thing on earth. And maybe it was. I’d spoken with them about being open and communicating. Rosa and I had failed spectacularly on that account. If I’d known, if I’d listened… maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe I needed to follow my own advice.
Ezra added, “Respect each other’s feelings, but not at the expense of your own. They’re equally important. Don’t assume anything either. Talk it through.”
His words had mirrored mine from last week. It felt like such a long time ago that we’d had the conversation. Everything was moving so fast. It was as if I was a buoy that had come loose and was being carried along in the rapids.
But it was a hell of a ride, too, one that I didn’t want to end.
“If I’ve learned anything being with Zali and the boys, it’s that communication is the most important thing. Above everything else—even sex.”
