“Absolutely. I’ll be there.”
Tomorrow was the anniversary of the day we’d spread Asher’s ashes. We finally had closure after not knowing what had happened to him for so long. But the memories hit both Zali and me hard. It wasn’t easy mourning a future my son didn’t get to have, one we missed with him. At least when we’d said goodbye to my grandparents, we had the solace of them having lived long, happy lives. But Asher’s life had barely started. He’d missed out on so much.
And it was my fault—I’d failed him. If I was there, things might have turned out differently. Maybe I could have saved him. I would never forgive myself for my failures there. The heavy weight of the cross I bore because of it was my penance.
***
I hadn’t meant to fall asleep. One minute Cara was yawning and asked me to hold her, and the next I’d woken up with a start. Disoriented, I blinked my eyes open, registering the warmth ofthe person tucked into my side. Cara. She was curled around me and sound asleep. I breathed her in, the sweet scent of her shampoo and smell of sex lingering on her skin. I could get used to that. I hoped I would.
The room was pitch-black, but I could see that Alec wasn’t on Cara’s other side. He must have left sometime after we’d crashed.
It was confounding to think of what I’d done with him. I waited for the freakout to kick in, the what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking moment. But it didn’t.
I didn’t regret it.
Seeing the look on Cara’s face as she watched us, the way her pupils dilated even after multiple orgasms, had encouraged me to try it. But I’d enjoyed it. I’d wanted it. Alec was sexy. I hadn’t thought that about another man before, but I’d never met anyone like him either. He had me wanting to touch him and to be touched by him.
What did that make me? Did it change who I was? Did it change how I identified? It was sex. So many people could brush it off as being nothing, but that wasn’t the way I was built. Sex meant something to me. It was more than just getting off. I didn’t do random hookups—it was why I’d been celibate for longer than I cared to remember—but it had been a spur of the moment decision. I was oddly okay with that, though. It wasn’t cheap and transactional. There was something between the three of us—a spark of attraction and lust. At first, I’d thought it was Cara that had me captivated, but then he’d touched me, and it was like a door opening to let the light shine into a corner of me I hadn’t known existed.
Maybe that discovery was enough. Maybe I didn’t need to label it. We had less than two weeks together. Once we went back to our normal lives, I’d probably write this thing between us off as a middle-aged experiment. Maybe it was a midlife crisis.
The pang in my gut, a twist and drop, took me by surprise. But the certainty that followed, the calmness that descended, left me in no doubt. This was no midlife crisis. I wasn’t experimenting. I wanted to be with Cara. I didn’t want to give her up. But even if I took her out of the equation, I could see myself being with Alec too. The three of us fit together like puzzle pieces slotting in and creating a bigger whole.
I liked them both.
I wanted to be with them both for as long as I could. If that meant two weeks of getting to know one another, then I wanted the chance.
I had no idea how to do this. I hadn’t dated in over twenty years. Was this even dating? Hooking up?
Cara shifted, separating us, and I took the opportunity to slip out of bed and get a drink. I scrubbed my eyes and padded out into the lounge room.
Light from the city filtered in through the open curtains, giving the room an ethereal glow. The sight took my breath away.
Sprawled out facedown on the sofa with an arm and a leg hanging off it was Alec. Stark naked and fast asleep, he looked peaceful and so very very hot. His body was incredible. His broad tattooed shoulders tapered down to a slim waist and an ass that was round and meaty. My mouth watered. His thick legs were powerful, the muscles in every part of him pronounced and perfectly sculpted. I wanted to touch him everywhere just to see where his hot buttons were.
My dick woke up, hardening as I gazed at him. It looked like my cock was answering my sexuality questions for me—he was definitely interested in what he saw.
I watched Alec’s chest rise and fall in a slow rhythm. His hair fell over his face, and I padded toward him. The urge to touch him again struck me hard. I wanted to breathe him in, to taste him.
His lips were slightly parted, and his dark lashes fanned out on his cheeks. He breathed out a sigh, and I stopped in my tracks. I couldn’t be selfish. He had a game tomorrow. He needed his sleep.
He needed a bed, not a sofa.
Should I ask him to come to bed? Should I insist he go back to his room? Urgh, I didn’t know the boundaries here, and I hated that. Did we just touch because we were in the moment? Was it only during sex, or was I allowed to show him affection? Would he even welcome it? He seemed pretty hands-on with Cara, but was that because he was interested in her? Did he only say those things to me to make Cara hot?
Alec opened one eye, startling me. I froze. Did I wake him up or not?
He blinked and lifted his head, watching me as I watched him. Heat crawled up my throat, my cheeks burning under his scrutiny. He licked his lips, and my semi pulsed, growing harder the longer he watched me.
“Why are you watching me sleep?” His voice was scratchy and heavy with exhaustion.
“Yeah, ah… needed a drink,” I fumbled. I cleared my throat and gestured to the minibar where the bottles of water were.
I didn’t know where to look. All I could focus on when I gazed at him was that spectacular body, and I didn’t want to objectify him. My cock was making things awkward enough without me ogling him too.
“Well, this is awkward,” Alec commented dryly.
My shoulders slumped, and I exhaled heavily. I was screwing this up. Not five minutes ago, I’d wanted something more with them. Now I couldn’t even look at him. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
