“No, it’s not.” She has yet to open her bottle, gripping it with both hands. “You were being kind by leaving those flowers, and I threw it in your face—literally.”
“I messed up. I should have just let you move on. I’m the one who should be saying sorry.”
“Move on.” She lets out a laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “When are you going to get it?”
I clench my teeth together, doing what I can to keep myself grounded in the reality that is here. Because when she takes a step closer, it’s all I can do to keep breathing. The intense reaction I’m having now is due to all the closeness over the past few hours. Knowing that doesn’t help though. Not when I’m a volcano about to erupt.
“I know that you’re different now. I’m different. But—” Emma takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to push you, Dylan, but I want you to know that, if I haven’t moved on already, I doubt I ever will.”
“You need to,” I choke out.
“Why? You leave me flowers; you risk your life for me; why can’t you just admit how you feel?”
“It’s never been about how I feel,” I snap, anger raging inside me. I drop the bottle of water and grip both sides of the countertop. “I can hardly stomach being touched—do you know that? Do you know that whenever I feel hands on me, I’m thrown back into that cage? Every tiny contact leaves acid on my skin.” Tears burn the back of my throat.
“But you held on to me in the water.”
“Because if I didn’t, you would’ve drowned. I’m paying the price for it now, believe me.” The voices scream louder.
Delta trots over and leans against me. Absently, I reach down and bury my fingers in his fur.
“I saw your scars,” she whispers. “I saw what they did to you. But you didn’t die, Dylan. You came back. You deserve a chance to live.”
“No, I don’t,” I choke out. “I should have died back there. Everyone else did.” The panic has its jaws around me now, biting down and squeezing the life right out of me with jagged teeth as sharp as broken glass. My chest is so tight I can barely breathe, and as the edges of my vision begin to darken, I know I’m about to teeter right over the edge.
Releasing the countertop, I take a step back to put distance between us.
Space. I need space. So I don’t hurt her.
“I can’t do this, Emma. Please—” The farther back I get, the colder I grow, even as tension snaps around us like lightning.
She’s my storm.
My perfect storm.
“Okay.” She moves away from me, tears rolling down her cheeks as she wraps both arms around herself. “I’m sorry, Dylan.”
Chapter 14
Emma
“Thanks for letting me stay here,” I tell Kennedy as she pours hot water into two mugs to steep some tea. My throat is raw from crying, my body sore from swimming who knows how far. Even if I wasn’t the one doing most of the work, the ache is still there.
As is the nightmare of opening my eyes and looking down into an abyss ready to swallow me whole. After making that mistake, I’d kept my eyes shut until Dylan squeezed my hand to tell me we could surface.
I’ve never been so happy to be on a boat in my life.
“Of course. Don’t even mention it.” She takes a seat on the couch beside me. Ash is cuddled up on my chest, purring and kneading biscuits into the shirt Kennedy let me borrow after my shower.
Even though I should be overjoyed that I escaped the fate Gio had laid out for me—at least for now—my heart is heavy. My soul worn.
I saw Dylan differently tonight than I have before.
I used to think he’d just changed so much that he didn’t feel the same for me anymore. But now I see the truth: he’s too broken to consider himself worthy of love. And that is so much worse.
“I can hardly stomach being touched—do you know that? Do you know that whenever I feel hands on me, I’m thrown back into that cage? Every tiny contact leaves acid on my skin.”
I blink rapidly to try and keep the tears from forming in my eyes.
