“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and I shook my head.
“Don’t be. It’s just lust, Jamie,” I lied. He knew it was a lie, I knew it too, but Angel didn’t deserve to be hurt just because we figured that out too late. He loved her, but he felt that same primal need for me that had always existed between us. It wouldn’t be fair for me to let him throw away everything he’d built with her just because he wanted me one more time.
If he had kissed me even once more, I would have given up fighting. I would have given into him, and then we would have woken up the next day with hearts full of guilt. He would have been a cheater, and me a homewrecker. I sat up straight, needing distance, but Jamie reached out for me.
“Wait,” he pleaded. “Can you… will you just stay? Just lie here with me.”
I looked down at him, wondering if the battles inside his head were the same as mine. Nodding, I laid back down, and he pulled my back to his chest, breath slowly evening out until I knew he was asleep.
I shouldn’t have said his name. I should have pulled away when he said goodnight, forced him to let go of me. I thought I was clean, thought I could handle the temptation, but I’d caved. I’d tasted him again, fed that carnal monster inside me, and it’d been the biggest mistake. Because now, I remembered so clearly how it felt to be with him, and I realized that even though I asked him to stop, I didn’t really want him to.
But he had.
And tomorrow, he would marry another woman with me in the background.
I wasn’t clean at all.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever be.
JAMIE’S TENT RUSTLING WOKE MEearly the next morning, daylight just barely breaking against the forest green fabric. I cracked my eyes open, meeting Charlie’s hard eyes as he looked in at us. He tapped the back of his wrist, signaling to me that it was time to go. I nodded, and he frowned a little harder before dropping the curtain and leaving us alone.
My neck was stiff from sleeping on Jamie’s arm, and I rolled slowly, cringing against the ache as I did. Jamie’s eyes fluttered open when I moved, and I leaned up on my elbow, looking down on him as he gazed back up at me.
“Hey,” I whispered.
He stretched a little, the sleeping bag pulling down to reveal his bare chest. “Hi.”
The way Whiskey looked that morning nearly killed me. He watched me intently, eyes sleepy, hair mussed from my hands. It was the last morning he would wake up as my Jamie, and he wasn’t really even that. He never had been, and yet he always was. We would never be together, and yet we’d never be apart. It was sick, it hurt like hell, and for some reason we both held onto the racking agony.
“Time to get you to the altar,” I said softly, smile weak and shaded with words unsaid.
Jamie swallowed, nodding as he leaned up on the palm of his hand and ran the other through his hair. His eyes focused on the opening of his tent, still half-zipped from Charlie, and I let him take the time he needed. After a moment, he stood, swept his shirt off the floor of the tent, and stepped out without looking back at me.
He didn’t look at me as we packed up the campsite, or as we drove back into town, or even as he dropped me off at my hotel. I told him I’d see him soon, and he simply nodded, shifting the Jeep back into gear and pulling away as I stood there with my bag on my shoulder.
I had two hours before I had to be at the club, so I took a long shower, letting the water scald my skin before it turned to ice. I was shivering when I finally shut it off, stepping out and staring at myself in the mirror as I wrapped a towel around my chest. Mascara ran under my eyes, my tight curls dripping water onto the swell of my breasts as I let my focus fall to the freckles on my cheeks.
It was time.
“OH, THANK GOD.”
I had just stepped out of my cab, hand shielding the sun that was now high in the sky as an older gentleman rushed toward me. Another younger, rounder version of the man followed quickly behind him, both of them weighed down by large cameras and multiple bags.
“Are you with the Shaw wedding?”
“Yes?” I tucked my lipstick I’d been reapplying in the cab back into my clutch.
“Wonderful. We’re supposed to be shooting the bride and bridesmaids getting ready, but no one is answering their phones, and the groomsmen are acting like security guards. They won’t let us back to the dressing room area.”
The man was wiry, and frankly too much for me in that moment, but he was sort of adorable, too. I held up my hands, calming him. “Okay, don’t worry. I just got here, so give me a second to figure out where everyone is and then I’ll get you where you need to go, okay?”
He nodded, sighing with relief. “Okay. Thank you.”
I smiled, pushing past them into the country club. I didn’t see anyone at first, not even Angel’s family setting up decorations outside. I glanced briefly at the aisle out back as I passed through the main entrance and took a left toward where rehearsal had been. No one in sight.
But the closer I got to where dinner had been, the more my hairs stood on end. Something wasn’t right. I heard faint yelling from down the hall, and I walked faster, nearly slamming into Charlie when he popped out of the rehearsal dinner room and landed a hand hard on my shoulder.
“You don’t want to go back there.”
