“You think I didn’t do godawful shit when I was a tweaker? Look at me, mama. People get scared of me when I walk into a room, even if I don’t say or do a goddamn thing except exist. People assume shit about me, too. Different than what they assume about you, but they still assume. Need a hit? Guess what, big man, I need a favor. You put the hurt on this dude who owes me a G, I’ll give you dime. And guess what? I did it. I kicked a man’s door in and beat him fuckin’ senseless, right in front of his woman and his kid. All because he owed a dealer a fuckin’ measly ass grand, and I needed a fuckin’ hit.” I hold her eyes. “You think that’s any better or easier to live with than what you did, it’s you who better think a-fuckin’-gain.”
She swallows hard. “You did that?”
“And worse.”
“Worse?”
I nod. “I wasgone, Annika. Man I wasGone. I was fully in the grip of some serious PTSD, plus I was drinking like a fish and smoking all the meth I could get my hands on. And the only dealer who would get anywhere near me because I was such a big sloppy messusedme. Used my skills at violence. Used my desperation. Turned me on myself. Kept me hooked. Shit, I can’t blame it on him, I did that shit to myself. So yeah, I did some evil-ass shit, Annika.”
“You’re clean now,” she whispers. “That’s not you anymore.”
I smile. “It’s not me anymore. I left that sorry piece of shit back in Hawaii. But you take my point, yeah? You gonna hold that against me, Annika? I hurt people. I was an addict, and I needed my drug, and I hurt people to get it. Actually, physically hurt, I’m not talking I stole from them or alienated them because of my addiction. I mean I literally hurt them. Put people in the hospital. Know for a fact I crippled one dude for fuckin’life.”
“It’s not the same.”
I snort. “Oh come the fuck on, Annika. Jesus. It’s worse!”
She doesn’t answer. I palm her jaw, her cheek. Her eyes are closed, wet. “I won’t do it again, Chance. Iwill not.”
“No, you won’t.” I brush my thumb over her eye. “Your days of dealing with Alvin on your own are over.” Thumb to her lips again. “I’vegotyou, Annika.”
“You don’t have shit.”
“I took care of you in the club, didn’t I?”
“That was your job.”
“Taking you down to my room and introducing you to my people wasn’t my job.”
Her eyes open, again fiery and stubborn. “You just want in my pants.”
I grin. “Damn right I do. Never wanted anything as bad as I want you, naked, riding my cock.” I feel her shock, feel her jerk her head back, watch her brow furrow, her jaw drop open. “But that’s not why I did that. It’s not why I’ve done anything.”
“No?”
“Nope.”
“It’s altruism, I bet.” Sarcasm drips from her words.
“Nope. It’s the long game. I could probably get you to fuck me. But I want more than just a one-time fuck with you, so I’m playing the long game. Waiting on getting into your pants because I want more than that. As much as I want to watch your beautiful face as you come for me, I want more thanjustthat.”
“And what’s that?” She rolls her eyes. “Wait no, don’t tell me. You want my heart. You want that sweetness Rev and Kane have.”
“Damn right.”
“Told you,” she says, grabbing my wrist and pulling my hand away from her face. “You’re looking in the wrong place. I don’t have that to give. I’m notsweet, Chance.”
“And I think you could be. You just need a reason, and the right man to give it to.”
“And you’re him?”
“Could be. Want to be.”
“Why?”
I just look at her—green eyes, fair skin, freckles, explosion of red ringlets. Pure beauty. “Because.”
This gets me a snort. “Ah, yes, that romantic reason.Because.” Another snort. “What are you, five?”
