“Doing what?”
“Getting closer. You’re all over the place, dude. One second you’re talking about how you want to make me feel and then you’re talking about a librarian who was nice to you. I can’t keep up with you.”
I grin. “All part of my nefarious plan, mama. Keep you guessin’.” I hold her eyes, assessing her reaction as I trace my index finger lightly over her skin—earlobe, jaw, down the side of her neck, over her shoulder to her bicep, jumping to her ribcage and down her side, until my hand comes to rest on her hip.
“Well I am guessing, but I’m trying to figure out why you keep touching me when I’ve told you to stop.”
“’Cause you don’t really want me to.”
“Sounds sketchy as hell. You know where else I’ve heard that?You know you want it, baby.”
I feel my eyes narrow, harden, and turn angry. “You think that’s what I mean? You think I’m like that?”
She frowns. “Well, no. But it’s sketchy, Chance. I’ve told you to stop.”
“You’re still in bed with me.” I cup her hip. “You’re not angry. You’re not jumping outta bed, running away from me. You’re still here, still talking to me, still listening to me tellin’ you shit I don’t ever fuckin’ talk about. And you’re also tellin’ me shit I’m guessing you don’t talk about much either. So like I said, the lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
“You think I’m telling you not to touch me because I actually like it, I’m just playing games? Like hard to get or some bullshit like that?”
I shake my head. My hand still rests on her hip, and I have no intention of pushing it when I’ve gotten that win. “No. You’re not playing games. I don’t think you have it in you to play hard to get. Fact is, you’re not playing hard to get because you don’t have to play at it. You just are.”
“Because I don’t wanna be gotten.” She looks at me, deep into my eyes, and I see her truth there. “So I’m not playing, and I’m not protesting too much or whatever. I’m telling you, I don’t want you that way.”
I press my thumb into the denim of her skirt, rub, massage. “There’s the lie you’re telling the both of us.”
“It’snota lie.” She says this like she’s trying to snap it, but can’t.
“When was the last time you had an orgasm you didn’t give to yourself, Annika?” I ask, my voice pitched low.
“None of your goddamn business.” She does snap this, venomously.
“Been a while, I’m guessing.”
“I get plenty of action.”
“Sexy, badass mama like you? I’m sure you do.” I slip my hand a little lower. Closer to the hem of her skirt—her teeth sink into her plump lower lip. “Not what I asked.”
“And I said it’s not any of your goddamn business when I had an orgasm or who gave it to me.” She rolls her eyes, shakes her head. “I know your game, Chance. You think you’re gonna be the guy who fixes everything for me, including your perceived notion that all I really need to get over the shittiness of my life is a good orgasm given to me by you.”
“I don’t think I can fix shit, mama. I know better than that. Nothing like being a helpless fuckin’ addict to teach you real fuckin’ good that no one can doshitto fix a goddamn thing about you, except you. So no, I ain’t gonna fix shit. You got shit in your life to fix,yougotta fix it. Doesn’t mean you can’t get help along the way. I had help. I wouldn’t be here but for that help—I’d be dead in a ditch in Hawaii. And yeah, I’ll give you that story someday, if you want it. But that shit ain’t free. Just like the shit you referenced, the worst part, the darkest part. I know that shit ain’t free. You ain’t gonna just give me that story, I gotta earn it.”
“You don’t want that, Chance. Trust me. Seriously listen to me and trust me when I say youdo notwant to hear that garbage. And I sure as fuck don’t want to tell it.”
“Funny, I feel the same way about my addiction and where it led me. But that’s the shit that really matters, mama. The deepest darkest shit. When you find someone you can give that to, that’s when you know it’s real. Thatthey’rereal.”
“And you know this how?”
“Watched it happen twice in a row, in a matter of weeks. First Rev and Myka—she showed him a kind of sweetness he never knew existed. She chose to see past the big tough badass exterior he puts on and pulled out the man beneath it. Not that he’s not a badass down to his bones—he fuckin’ is. But he’s more—shesawit. He gave her the worst of him. And when that worst got her kidnapped, she didn’t hold it against him. She used it to give him even more of that sweetness.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t have that kinda sweetness to give, Chance. So if you think you’re ever gonna get that outta me, I hate to disappoint you butyou—will—not. You won’t get it from me because it doesn’t exist. It never did. I’m not that woman.”
I smile at her. “I disagree. But that’s not for now. That’s for later.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, okay. So the second time was Kane and Anjalee, am I right?”
“You are. He had some shit in his past that’s every bit as dark as yours and mine. He was running from it, hiding from it.”
“That doesn’t work,” Annika says. “Demons follow you wherever you go.”
