She doesn’t respond for a moment. Then, she shakes her head. “No, I am not afraid of being in love with you.” She tilts her head to look up at me. “Are you afraid of being in love with me?”
I sigh. “Yeah, babe, I am.”
“Why, please?”
I swallow hard. “Afraid of losing it. Losing you. I’m…I fucked it up, with…with Della. I fucked up and I killed her. Fucked up my life, fucked up Luke’s. I lost Della, I lost Luke, and then I fucked up again and got my whole team killed. And I…I loved those guys. They were my brothers.” I shake my head over her response. “I know, I know—I know it wasn’t my fault. But my emotions don’t follow logic. I was responsible for those men, and they didn’t go home. That’s on me.” I hear my voice break. “So, everyone I’ve ever loved, I’ve gotten killed.”
“Kane…” she breathes.
I meet her eyes. “I couldn’t handle it if I got someone else killed.” I close my eyes and clench my jaw, biting back the raw emotions boiling inside me. “I’d blow my fuckin’ brains out, if anything happened to you.”
Moving with sudden, savage intensity, she rolls onto me and shoves my shoulders down, then grabs my beard. “Donotsay this to me, Kane Sutherland,” she snaps. “I will not hear of it. I will not!”
“Anj—”
She claps a hand over my mouth. “I saidno. I will not hear it. Not a word of it.” She braces her weight on my shoulder with one hand, fingers knotting in my beard with the other. “I make my own decisions, Kane. I chose to make love with you. I chose to give you my virginity. I chose to be here in this place with you. I choose to get on your motorcycle with you. And do you know, accidents happen. I know this. I know you are a safe driver, I know you will do everything which is in your control to ride safely with me. But I know accidents happen. And if something terrible were to happen, it would not be your fault. And I would not accept you to harm yourself. I do not accept this. To hear you say this makes me very angry.”
My heart squeezes, clenches, twists and cracks. “Anjalee.” I close my eyes and shake my head. “Anj, fuck.”
“We are only knowing one another for a very short time, Kane. But in this time, I have come to trust you, and to care for you a great deal. I will not say to you now, I love you. I know I am coming to feel this for you, but I think it would be wise for us to grow to know each other more, for longer.”
I nod. “Yeah, that makes sense.”
“You are a brave man. You are perhaps afraid, and I understand why. I will not tell you, do not be afraid. I will tell you, be courageous.”
I can’t help a laugh. “Shit, Anjalee. You’re…you’re amazing, you know that?”
She slips off of me, resuming her former position, tangled up with me and snuggled against me. “Yes. I think I do know this.”
“I’m glad you know.”
She touches my face, not looking at me but at the wildflowers around us. “I know it because you are showing me that I am. I am learning who is Anjalee Sharma, and I am learning that I like her.” She looks at me now. “It is you I have to thank for this.”
I shake my head. “Nah, babe. I haven’t done anything but give you space to figure yourself out. You’re the one doing the work.”
She sighs, nodding. “I think you are right. But I am still grateful to you, Kane.”
A long, companionable, easy silence.
“What next?” she asks, eventually.
“Up to you.”
She shakes her head. “No, I think you must return to your life. I wish we could, but I know we cannot simply ride your motorcycle forever. You have employment. And I…” She shrugs. “Well, I do not know what will be my place. I have never worked.”
I growl. “Fuck, but you’re right. I been gone a while, and I’m gonna be needed back in Vegas.”
She’s silent, and I can feel her discomfort. “I cannot go back to them, Kane.”
I sit up, and she moves with me—it’s a credit to her growth that she’s comfortable enough with her nudity that she doesn’t attempt to cover herself, just sits in the sunlit field of wildflowers, naked and confident.
“You don’t have to go back, Anjalee.”
“What will I do?” she asks. “Where will I go?”
“Back to Sin, with me. I’ve got a place there. It ain’t much, just a room with a bed and a bathroom, but it’s mine. Rev and Myka are there, so there’d be another woman for you to be friends with.”
She frowns, stares into space. “I cannot continue to only take up space in the world.”
