“Of course not.”
“All right then.”
He frowns, letting out a disbelieving laugh. “You think I’m joking?”
“Rev, I’m not sure you know what a jokeis. You barely smile. So no, I don’t think you’re joking.”
He’s quiet a moment, searching my face. “Then I ain’t followin’ when you say ‘all right then,’ like it’s settled.”
“Because I feel safe with you. If something bad were to happen, you seem entirely capable of taking care of it.”
“You feel safe with me.”
“Yes.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “You’re nuts.”
“Maybe. But I’ve never gone after something I really want for myself. My whole life up until I left home—three months ago? Four? I don’t remember, and it doesn’t matter—was about doing what I was told, living my life the way I was told it was right and correct and proper and godly to live it. Everything wasfor my own good. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve heard that from everyone, that something I didn’t want, didn’t like, or didn’t understand was for my own good. And I just accepted it. So now, I’m out in the real world, and I’m making choices for myself, and when I see something I like, I’m going to go after it. And in this case, that’s you.”
He rubs his face with one hand and recrosses his arms. “I see.”
“I never asked my question.”
He huffs. “Jesus.” An arched eyebrow. “And?”
“That night, at my place.” I drop my voice because it’s difficult for me talk openly about things like this—even talking about sex was off-limits. “When I was touching you.” I’m whispering. “You were…like a statue. You refused to move, like, at all. Why?”
He stares at me, as if processing what I’m asking. “To protect you.”
“From what?”
“Me.”
“How so?”
“You may not be a virgin, but I can read clear as fuckin’ day that you don’t know the first thing about how I fuck.”
“What?” I breathe.
“You’ll get about ten seconds of jerkin’ me like you did. And then I’m gonna either fuck your face until I come down your pretty white throat, or I’m gonna fuck your sweet tight little pussy like the animal I am, and it’s gonna be hard, and it’s gonna be rough. Because that’s who I am.” He whispers against my lips. “You think you’re ready for that, Myka?”
I swallow hard. “I…”
He nods, as if that’s response enough. “Exactly.”
He backs away, ready to let the door slam in my face.
I stick my foot into the opening, stopping it from closing. “Rev.”
He stops three or four steps down. “You for real?”
I follow him down, letting the door close. Stop on the step above him. Trail my fingertips down the side of his face. “I’mnotready for how you do things, Rev. I’ll never bereadyfor it.” I speak over him. “Yeah, it kinda scares me. But you know what? I’m discovering I kind of like the way you scare me. Maybe I’m nuts, as you keep saying. But so far, I haven’t regretted a thing that’s happened with you.”
He gazes up at me. “I fuckin’ tried.”
“Tried what?”
“To resist you. Protect you from me.”
