“Ohhhh. Shit.” He’s grinning, I can hear it even if I’m not looking at him. “You’re catchin’ feelings, ain’tcha?”
I don’t answer.
He sits carefully on the bed beside me. “Rev, you know better.”
“No shit. That’s why I didn’t fuck her.”
“You want to.”
“And you don’t?” I look at him. “You got eyes. You got a dick. Of course you want to.”
“Rev, brother. Men like you and me? Girls like her?” He just clicks his tongue, shakes his head. “You know better.”
“No shit, Chance.”
“She’s clean. She’s innocent.” A pause. “She’sgood.”
“She sets me on fucking fire, Chance,” I breathe. “All over. Inside, and out. On fucking fire.” I squeeze my skull in my hands, as if I could squeeze all the need for her out like water out of a sponge. “Just her hand. Two minutes, maybe three? Just her fucking tiny white hand, and I saw fuckingstars, Chance.”
He waits. Listens.
“I gave her three orgasms. I tried to leave it at that, but she…” I shake my head. “She wanted it. Wantedme. Wanted…shit, I don’t even know what. She gave me a handjob like I was a fuckin’ kid again, dude.” I bark a laugh. “The shit of it is, it was better than anything I’ve ever fuckin’ felt in my whole fuckin’ life. Better than any blowjob, better than any pussy. Two minutes, and I’m fuckin’ ruined.”
“Rev, brother.” His voice is quiet—or, as quiet as he gets. “You know you can’t have her.”
“I know,” I say, my chest crushed by iron bands. “I fuckingknow.”
“You’ll get her killed.”
“I told her I was dangerous for her. Not what, not why. Just that there were people that didn’t like me that might use her to get to me. It’s like she didn’t even hear me.”
“She heard. She just either didn’t believe you or doesn’t get it. How could she?”
“You wear the brand, Rev. You belong here. Sweet, funny, kind, innocent, good, daring little Myka Donovan? She don’t belong here, man.”
“I fucking know, Chance!” I bellow. “I fucking know! You think I don’t get that? You think it’s not keeping me up at night? She’s chasing me down. She won’t stay away. I tell her, and she don’t listen. And I…” I can barely breathe. I know Chance hears me anyway. “I can’t stay away. I thought I could fuck her and be done. I couldn’t do it. Not to her. I can’t take that from her. I can’t take that good from her.”
He shoves me with his shoulder. “Just ice her out. She’ll move on.”
I shake my head. “Tried. I get within twenty feet of her, and I’m…my shit goes haywire. Everything in me just…cravesher, and I can’t explain why, not even to myself.”
“Shit, man.” Chance hangs his head, shakes it. “This ain’t good, brother.”
“No.”
“You put her at risk, going to her like that.”
“I know. I hate myself for it.”
“They’re watching you.”
“I was careful. They didn’t see shit.”
“You’re a ghost when you want to be. But you know it’s a matter of time. They got the numbers, and they got the time. And you know they won’t forget.”
“Again, I fuckin’ know.”
Chance rises to his full height, looks down at me. “You know I’ve got your back, brother. No matter what. I’ll back your play. But you get this innocent girl hurt…”
