He narrows his eyes. “Shit’s packed. Means you’re leavin’.” He backs away from me. “Back…” He swallows, an audible gulp. “Back home. Leaving. Saw them—had your family. You’re goin’ back.” He can barely form sentences.
I fling myself at him, throw my arms around him, but he’s unmoving. I lift up on my toes, sobbing for the heartbreak and betrayal this man has endured, if the sight of packed bags cuts him this deeply.
“No, no,no.” I touch his face with one hand, reach up and grab the back of his head. “Baby, look at me, please.” I have to use all my force to get him to look at me, but he does, finally—he allows me to pull his head down a touch, and his eyes finally meet mine; I see a subtle softening in the obsidian. “I promise you—IfuckingpromiseI’m not going anywhere. I’mnotleaving you. I wouldn’t. I won’t. Not ever.”
“Then…” He cuts his eyes to my bags. “What—?”
“An apartment, Rev. I’m getting anapartment. Here, in Vegas. Close to Sin, in a safer neighborhood. I’ve saved up the first and last month’s rent. I just have to sign the lease and bring my stuff in.”
He almost deflates, softening, knees buckling. “Fuck.” His eyes close, and he backs up a step, turns away on a heel, hands scrubbing at his face. “Fuckme.”
I move around in front of him, put my hands on his shoulders and leap. He has to catch me, and he does. I wrap my legs around his waist and bury my face in his neck. “I’m not leaving you. I’m-not-I’m-not-I’m-not.”
“I thought…” He shoves his nose in my hair and inhales shakily. “I thought…fuck. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I saw the bags and—”
“Hush, my darling, just hush.” I hold the back of his head, his hair, burrow closer. “Hold me. Feel me. Smell me. I’m here. I should have told you.”
He moves with me to the bed. Sits on the edge, holding me on his lap, legs and arms wrapped around him. “I’m sorry, Myka. I scared you. I almost…” He cuts off with a pained groan. “Fuck, I’msosorry.”
I hold his face in my hands and pull back. “Stop. It’sokay. You didn’t hurt me. You were scared. It was a misunderstanding, is all.”
He shakes his head, fighting himself, me. “I lost it.”
“You didn’t.”
A shuddering sigh. “Don’t deserve your sweet, Mike.”
“Yes, you do. Youdodeserve it. All of it and more.” I pull his face to mine, kiss him, and I kiss him with every last ounce of soft, tender, sweet love I have within me. Push it into him. Give it to him.Showhim.
He shakes beneath me. Breaks the kiss and buries his face in my hair, in the side of my head, my ear, just breathing me in. Holding me so tight it hurts.
“Tell me, honey,” I breathe. “Tell me.”
“Second to last foster,” he grates out. “I got placed with the O’Hallorans. Neat little house in the suburbs, nice area. Safe. Perfect, square green lawn, cut just right. Stocked pantry. Full fridge. I could eat anything I fuckin’ wanted, as much as I wanted. They didn’t demand I talk to ‘em, didn’t try to preach at me. Didn’t try to be my best friend. They just…let me stay, and took care of me. Didn’t so much as touch me. Fuckin’ nicest people I ever met in my whole goddamn life—till I met your family, at least.” He lets out a breath. “Thought I’d finally fuckin’…foundit. Made it.”
“Oh, Rev.”
“Wasn’t a word of warning. Two months, I was with ‘em. Started talking, openin’ up a bit. Then I came back and they were packed up. Big yellow Ryder in the drive, had their couches and all their furniture in it. Helen was packing their bags. Couldn’t even look at me. Social worker showed up same time as me. Told me they had to move. Sudden transfer, immediate. Fact is, they knew for weeks, just didn’t know how to tell me, so they blindsided me with that shit.”
“Rev…oh, honey. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He keeps going. “They tossed my shit in the same bag I showed up with—shitty old plastic garbage bag, for the trash I was. Even to them. Just fuckin’…packed up and left. And that’s when I got sent tothem.” He snarls the word, so venomous, so hateful, it shakes me to the core. ‘
“God, Rev. What a betrayal.”
“Never knew I had that trigger, till now. Saw your bags, and I just…fuckin’ lost it. Saw them packed up, saw myself walking into thatfuckinghouse, with that fucking monster.”
“I…I can’t say Igetit, because I can’t, and I never could. But I understand, and it’s okay.”
“It’s not.” He shakes his head. “Lied to you.”
I frown. Pull back. “What? Lied to me about what?”
He drops his head, growls his words. “Asked if I ever killed anyone innocent. Said I hadn’t. I lied.” He inhales, lets it out. “Nobody knows this, not even Chance.”
My heart goes cold, my mouth dry. “Okay. Tell me.”
“Bad shit, baby. Gotta know you can take it.” He looks at me, hard, deep.
