She grins sheepishly, shrugging. “Your door was wide open and the lights were on."
I frown. "My door was open?"
She nods. "Front door was wide open."
I groan, laughing. "Wow, thanks for looking out for me, Brian. Jesus."
“Brian?”
I shrug. "Friend of a friend who drove me home and helped me inside."
She pats my legs. "I was worried, so I called out but you didn't answer. I came in to make sure everything was okay and found you passed out. I wasn't here more than two minutes before you woke up to get a drink."
I shake my head. "It's so surreal that you're here."
"It's surreal to be here with you, to be honest."
"But…at four in the morning?"
She shrugs. "I was just gonna drive by so I knew where it was, but then I saw your door open."
Silence.
"I missed you, Fee."
"Amy," I whisper. "You have the worst fucking timing."
"Why?" She asks. "You're with someone?"
"Um, sort of."
Her grin is actually sort of cocky. "Well, sort of isn't yes, is it?" The cocky grin fades. "I am sorry, Felix. I'm sorry for…not letting you explain. For derailing both of our lives over something that wasn't even your fault."
"It was, though. I should've known."
She's somehow closer, smelling of expensive perfume and radiating warmth. Her hand slides higher on my thigh—the blankets are around my knees, and I'm wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs. "It's not your fault, Fee. It's Cassie's. She took advantage of you. You were drunk and couldn't consent.”
My heart lurches—I've fantasized about almost exactly this situation happening countless times over the years. Amy appearing like a ghost from the past but real, apologizing, taking the guilt away, wanting me again, making everything okay.
I'm woozy. Disoriented, confused. It hurts—she hurts to be near. Her hand on my thigh is like fire…and I'm not sure it's the good kind of fire.
"Amy, I—"
She's leaning in. "Fee, c'mon. Youhaveto have thought about this. Wanted this. I'm here. I want to…I want you." Her hand is centimeters from my junk. Her lips are ghosting across mine as she whispers. "I've never stopped wanting you. I…I imagined you every time Greg and I had sex. It was always you."
I hear something, somewhere in the house.
My stomach twists, and my heart protests; my body tingles, aches. "Amy…"I grab her wrist. "Hold on."
Her lips halt, her hand freezes. "Fee, I thought—"
"Now not, Amy. Not like this. I…fuck." It's like a nightmare flashback. My heart hammers in my chest, my breath coming short. I'm back in that field, a teenager again, so stupidly drunk I barely know my own name, about to make the biggest mistake of my life. "I can't. Not—not now. Not like this."
"Fee," Another voice says from the hallway outside my room. "I'm back. I hope you don't mind I let myself…in." Ember—her voice pierces my very soul. The hurt. The shock. The confusion. "I see."
I hear feet on the floor, the door slam.
Fourteen
