I spend a silent moment gazing at her, wishing. God knows I’ve had a little crush on her for years. Who wouldn't? All that beautiful brown skin, that killer body, that thick black hair? I fucking wish.
"A commitment,” I answer. "Loyalty. Honesty."
"Rye," Raina murmurs. "You're short-changing yourself."
I shake my head. "I'm not. I'm really not. See, deep down, I know the truth: I'm a piece of shit. I'd only hurt you in the end and you deserve a hell of a lot better than that." I clear my throat. “Than me.”
"You're not a—”
I move around the table and do something, recklessly, that I've wanted to do for a long fucking time: I kiss her.
No tongue—I'm not that much of an asshole. It’s just a kiss.
I pull back. "See? Only an asshole would do that at his brother's wedding." I tug on a tendril of glossy black hair. "Find a man who deserves you, Raina. And he ain’t me."
I walk away, then. Find Nyx and Cole hiding at the edge of the pre-reception cocktail hour party, surreptitiously sharing a flask.
Cole hands me the flask. "So. You and Raina."
"Nope." I take a slug.
"You kissed her."
"Yep."
"But…you're not…"
"Nope."
Nyx takes the flask from Cole, shoots a slug from it, and hands it to me. "He was proving a point."
"And what point would that be?" Cole asks.
“That he's the kind of asshole who'll shoot her down, kiss her, and walk away."
"Oh."
I take the flask but before I can take another hit, Cole snatches it and gives it back to Nyx. "You have a speech to give, Rye. Once you've done that, I'll get you clobbered. But you gotta stay with it until you've given your speech."
"Why do you think I need the whiskey?" I mutter, but don’t fight him on it because I know he’s right, the responsible fuckstick.
"Oh, shit, gotta go, boys. I'm being summoned." Nyx shoves the flask at Cole and hurries away.
Cole and I watch, bemused, as Nyx hurries over to Barbie, who presses him against a fence post, cups his groin, and then hauls him double-time toward the barn.
"You think those two will ever be more than fuck-buddies?" I ask Cole.
"Nah. At the end of the day, Nyx is just as fucked up about relationships as the rest of us." Cole tucks the flask in the inside pocket of his suit coat, glancing at me. “You alright, buddy? Don't think I don't see you."
“You see me? I'm right here. Of course you fucking see me, douchebag.”
Cole slaps me upside the back of my head. "Don’t be a dumbass. You know what I mean.Are—you—alright?”
I sigh. "Fuck off. I'm fine."
"Rye."
"Fine, you pushy ass bitch," I grumble. "Yeah, I'm a little…I dunno. Upside down. I dunno. I dunno!" I shrug expansively, slapping my thighs. "I don’t fuckingknowhow I am, okay? I'm happy for Felix. I love Ember. I'm excited for a little niece or nephew. I'm happy for Bear and Noelle. I don't know what my goddamn problem is."
