"Fuck you," I say conversationally. "I didn't fuck it up. I fixed her bus and went on my way. She's…she's got baggage. Heavy shit. Don't know what, but I have some ideas."
"Well shit—don't let that stop you. You've got heavy baggage of your own, bro. Everyone does."
"Dude, I know. But after we talked earlier, I decided I'd go to the beach."
"Ooh, nice. Where'd you go?"
"Secret Beach."
"And let me guess…she was there?"
I nod, take a big slug of my beer. "Sure was. Wearing this tiny blue bikini that showed off her…" I cup my hands in front of my chest, blowing out an awed breath with a shake of my head. "Anyway. She looked fucking stunning. I was swimming, and when I got to shore, there she was. And you'll never guess who she was with? And mind you, she's not a local."
He shrugs. "If I’ll never guess, then why bother trying? Albert Einstein?"
"He's been dead for like fifty fuckin' years, man. So, no."
Riley frowns. "Fifty? Are you sure? Isn’t it more?"
I throw up my hands. "No, fuckstick, Idon'tknow when Albert goddamned Einstein died. Jesus, way to focus on the wrong thing."
He laughs at my outburst. "Jesus, whatever happened, it really threw you for a loop. You need to chill, my guy."
I glare at him. "Fuck you."
He just laughs. "Who was she with, Fee? Get on with the story already. God, you suck at storytelling."
"Faye McFarlane."
He frowns, thinking. "Her? Goodlord, she's still alive? She was ancient when we were in school."
"Well, now she has pink and purple hair and a septum piercing. She told me not to stare at her ass."
He boggles at me. "Were you? I mean, no judgment, bro, but I didn't realize the geriatric thing was your scene."
"I'm gonna kill you."
"What? It's a fair question."
"No, Riley, I was not staring at the ass of an old woman."
"Well, at least there's that—and I admit, I am glad to hear you still havesomestandards left, after…what? A decade of celibacy?”
I slowly turn my head to level a death glare at him. "Why did you think it would be a good idea to tell you any of this?" I ask. "I havenotbeen celibate."
“Right," he says with a snort. "You shut down after Amy and never came up out of the hole."
"Can you stop talking about motherfucking Amy?" I snap. "And Ihavehad sex since then."
"Bullshit."
"Rye, I have."
"Your hand doesn't count. Nor does a sex doll."
I let out a long-suffering sigh. "Jesus, you're a dick." I rub my face with both hands. "With real people—I have had sex with real live women."
"Who?"
