She just looks at me, uncertain and emotional. "I don't feel like that, Fee. I don't feel…sexy. Or confident. Or…anything. I feel beat up. Not just physically from the accident, but…everything. Life. I've lost everything and everyone. GramGram, Mom, Dutchie, Faye. My life on the road. My sense of purpose. I need help to do everything. I'm living with you because I literally have nowhere else to go and no one to…to take care of me. You're only doing it out of pity."
"Okay, honestly, Ember, that last part pisses me off a little bit." I run my hand through my hair, sighing. "There's no pity involved. And youhaveoptions. Lainey and Layla would take you in and help you get back on your feet, literally and metaphorically. I know Bear and Noelle have a spare room and they'd help. Shit, Cole's sister lives alone and she's a freaking home care nurse. You're here because Iwantyou to be here. Iwantto be the one to help you. It's not fuckingpity, Ember, it's….if anything it's self-interest. I want to see you every day. I want to…I want to see what could be between us."
Ember drops her gaze. "I'm in a weird place, Fee. The accident changed things for me."
I swallow my hurt. "That's okay. If you'd rather find somewhere else, I get it. I'll take you wherever you want to go. I've got the Cartwright sisters on TikTok—I can DM them."
She shakes her head, tears leaking again. "No, Fee. I don’t want to go anywhere else. I just…I don't feel like myself right now. Maybe it's the TBI, I don’t know. I just…I think I might need to focus on getting better before I can think about being involved with you. Like that, I mean."
I nod, feeling guilty for the disappointment that burns in my gut. I take a moment to swallow it, bury it. "Of course, Ember. There's no time frame on anything. No pressure. No expectations."
"I do care about you, Felix," she whispers. "So much. I'm attracted to you. I think you're the most amazing man I've met in a long time, maybe ever, and you've donesomuch for me. I just…Dutchie hasn't been dead a year, and now I meet Faye, fall in love with her, and lose her. And then this accident, and I just feel…scrambled up in my head. My emotions are all over the place. Things are foggy. And I…I just…I guess I'm saying I just need time."
"And you've got all the time in the world," I tell her. "I'm not going anywhere and I'm in no hurry."
"I feel like I'm letting you down. Disappointing you," she says.
"Never," I answer. "You're doing what you need to do for yourself. I'm just here to facilitate that. And if…" it hurts to think and hurts more to put out into the world. "If it turns out that things between you and me can't be what I want, that's okay. If you…if you don't feel that way for me anymore, that's okay. I can handle that. I promise."
She lets out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, Fee. I'm sorry." She levers to her feet. "Can I…can I just have some time alone in my…in your guest room?"
"Hey, don't be sorry." I summon a smile, stand up and help her to her feet. "You can have all the time alone you want inyourroom."
She swings down the hallway to the first door on the right, pauses to open it, and covers her mouth. "Fee?" She turns to look at me. “You…you did this for me?"
"Like I said, Bear and Noelle did the actual work. I didn't want to leave you."
All her stuff is in there—a bureau holds her clothes, a shelf holds her books, and a desk holds her laptop. On the bureau is her box of jewelry—miraculously, it survived the accident unscathed. Noelle went out of her way to make it pretty, also; colorful throw pillows, a bright patchwork quilt covering the bottom third of the queen bed, landscape paintings and photographs on the walls, and a vase on the nightstand with flowers. I had Bear bring the safe in, also—it's in the closet, with the code on a sticky note for her to memorize.
I gesture at the safe. "Your cash and antique jewelry are in there. That's the code. I can change it for you, if you want. Or tell you how to." I point at the door beside the bed. "There's a full en suite in there, and all your shower stuff is there."
"Fee…" She leans on her crutches and wipes her eyes. "I don't know what to say. I've never had a room like this. One that's…"
“Yours," I finish for her. "It's yours for as long as you want, even if we're only ever friends and roommates."
I'm at the end of the hallway, keeping my distance so she doesn't sense my hurt and disappointment—I know she needs time, I know she's been through a lot, and I know my feelings are selfish. I won't burden her with them.
"Fee, c'mere." She waves me closer, still leaning on her crutches.
I lick my lips, hesitate.
She laughs. "I'm not gonna bite, Fee, Jesus."
I cross the space, stopping a foot away. Smile for her, even if it feels a little forced. "Hi."
She searches me, and then rolls her eyes and sighs. Sets her crutches against the wall, holds her hands out, forcing me to take them or let her lose her balance. She hops toward me on her good leg, wincing as her ribs protest.
"Ow, ow, ow.” She slides her hands from mine and rests them on my shoulders. "Sorry, okay—Felix, listen to me." She gazes up at me with compassion and understanding. "I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I don't want to bejustfriends or roommates with you. My feelings for you haven't changed. I care about you deeply. I'm attracted to you in a way I’ve never felt for anyone before, including my husband, and to be honest, that's one of the things I need time to work through. I just need time. I need to put myself back together. And I really,reallyhope you'll be there waiting for me when I'm ready."
I open my mouth to answer, but she puts her fingers over my lips.
"You deserveallof me, Fee. My whole heart, everything I am. And Iwantto give that to you. But I can’t—yet.”
Stupid feelings, making my eyes burn. Fuck.
I shake my head and check the ceiling overhead for cracks, blinking hard. "Sorry, I'm just—shit. I feel like an idiot."
She palms the back of my head and pulls my face down so I have to meet her eyes, and she lifts on her tiptoes, soft lips touching mine briefly. "Felix, you have the biggest, most tender heart. You hide it well, but I see it. Be patient with me, okay?" She wipes her fingers beneath my eyes. "And this? Don't hide it from me. It's okay."
