"I'm sorry for embarrassing them. I can walk home. Ain't that far."
I make to get up, but she doesn't move, instead pressing a hand to my chest, looking at me. "I'm not upset at you, Bear. I'm…I guess I'm realizing that you're right. It's been bothering me for a while, honestly, just…I didn’t want to feel it. I’ve always been expected to do more than my siblings. I don’t know why, it’s just how it is. It’s never been discussed or anything. Not in so many words. It just…it’s the way it is."
"But not how it should be."
"No, you're right." She tugs at my beard to get me to look down at her. "I've never had anyone stand up for me like that. Thank you."
"Got pissed off. Shot my mouth off."
"Bear, you're fine. It's okay."
I shake my head. "Worked hard to get rid of my temper. Got away from me today."
"You're the sweetest, gentlest man I've ever met," she says.
"Didn't know me, before."
"You're not that person anymore. If that was you pissed off, then I think you're in good shape."
“Wasn't my place to say anything."
She toys with the tip of Panzer's ear. "You're too hard on yourself, Bear." She gives my beard braid an affectionate tug. "Come on back inside."
"Gonna be awkward."
"What's life without a little bit of awkwardness?" She gets to her feet and extends both hands to me.
I take hers and give her a hint of my weight to pull at as I stand up. I follow her up the steps into the cool, dark foyer. Nina stands just inside at the base of the stairs, drying her hands on a pale yellow hand towel, her brown eyes thoughtful as Noelle and I enter.
"What did you say your dog's name was?" she asks.
"Panzer. Means tank," I answer.
She watches out the screen door as a robin hops, utterly without fear or concern, an inch past Panzer's nose as it hunts for worms and bugs in the grass. "I don't want to be afraid. I love dogs."
"Panzer is the gentlest soul you'll ever meet, Mom," Noelle says. “Except maybe for Bear."
Nina's hands shake as she squeezes the hand towel in both fists. "Could…could you call him over here, please? I'd like to try to meet him properly.”
"Panzer," I call; his ears perk up and his attention laser focuses on me. "Komm."
He bolts to his feet and trots across the lawn and up the steps. I open the screen door for him, and he enters the home, tail swaying side to side, a big puppy grin on his face. He nuzzles Noelle's hand with his nose in greeting.
"Panzer—sitz," I command. His butt plops to the floor. I look at Nina. "He won't hurt you. Let him sniff the back of your hand."
Nina inches toward the massive creature, who watches her, tail starting to thump. She holds out her hand to him, and he sniffs it, and then nudges her palm with his forehead, begging shamelessly for ear scratches.
Nina laughs, giving him what he wants, earning a happy groan and a noisily thudding tail.
"Awww," she says, bending over to accept a slobbery kiss on the cheek. "He reallyisa dear, isn't he?" She straightens,meeting my gaze. "You were right, you know. We've taken our darling Noelle for granted for a long time." She pats my shoulder. "I think my husband would like a word. He's out in the barn with the boys."
I nod. "I'll go talk to him." I look at Noelle. "Tell him to heel. You remember the word?"
She scrunches her brow in thought, then nods. "Panzer. Fuss."
Panzer circles around behind Noelle and stands at her right leg, looking up at her expectantly.
"Remember the other commands I've used?" I ask.
