"So you and this Duncan dude."
"We're just friends," I lied.
Lindsey just guffawed. "Ohhhh-kay," she mocked. "You got laid. I can hear it in your voice."
"I did not, and you cannot."
“Something happened. I know you, hooker. You can't keep anything from me."
"Ugh. Are you in Ketchikan, yet?”
"I was about to be, but then the hotel burned down and I decided to just fly directly to Anchorage tomorrow."
"And where are Raquel and Hamish?"
"I think they were planning on arriving there today sometime. The flight is tomorrow, right?"
"I think so? I don't know.” I huffed. “How did I get stuck planning this, anyway? I didn’t even want to come.”
"Since you're in Ketchikan and hooking up with a local hottie."
"We're not hooking up."
My phone burbled, indicating she wanted to switch from voice to FaceTime; I accepted the invitation, and her face popped up on the screen. She took one look at me and squealed. "You liar! You're totally hooking up with the boy. Tell me everything."
"Linz, I'm not—"
She held up a finger. "Nope. Do not try to lie to me, Rune Rigby. I know you. You're smiling. You haven't smiled once since you found out about Hayes Motherfucking Willoughby cheating on you. You've been positively dour.”
I rolled my eyes at the screen. "Did you buy a thesaurus?"
"Fuck you, no. I have an excellent vocabulary, thank you very much." She brought the phone so close all I could see was one big eyeball. "Now. Details, slutty-buns."
I sighed. I knew she wouldn't let it go. "Fine. We messed around."
She waited for a good thirty seconds, and then huffed. "Well? And? What does messed around entail? Did you come? On a scale from cocktail wiener to kielbasa, how big is his sausage?"
"My god, you're such a nosy lunatic, you know that?" I said, sighing.
"Yes, but you love me. Now. I'm currently in the middle of a horrible dry spell. I haven't so much as laid eyes on a real-life dick in weeks, so I'm going to have to live vicariously through you. Which means I need details. Now spill it, sister."
I spilled. I related every salacious detail—the phone sex, him showing up, the multiple orgasms, a detailed description of his dick, going down on him, my reaction, his…
When I was done, Lindsey was quiet for a long time. "Interesting."
I frowned at the screen. "Interesting? What the hell does that mean?"
"I don't know yet. My spidey senses are tingling, but I can't pinpoint why just yet. I think there's more to this with you and Duncan—and his donkey dick—than you're willing to admit to yourself."
"No, there's not," I argued. "He lives in fucking Alaska.”
"And? You have no idea what you're doing with your life, girl. Maybe Alaska is in your future."
"You take that back, Lindsey Snelling. I do too have an idea. and it does not include Alaska."
She laughed. “Oh, so you suddenly know what you're doing when you get back to LA, do you? That would be what, exactly?"
I cleared my throat. "Things. And…stuff. Get a job. And do…things. And…stuff."
