Delia:Am I wrong?
Me:honestly, no, you’re not too far off base. There’s no finger crooking, and I’ve never actually had a girl’s panties spontaneously fall off in my presence. But usually, it’s along the lines of what you said. Go to a bar, find someone I’m attracted to, talk to her. And then, you know. The rest.
Delia:have you ever had to actually work at it? Getting a girl to like you, I mean.
Me:Haha I was thinking about this earlier, actually, and it’s a more complicated question for me to answer than you might imagine
Delia:oh?
Me:Yeah. Basically, you’re conflating two different things, in my world, or my previous world. LIKING me is not the same as willing to hook up with me. So, getting a girl to hook up with me? Honestly, no, never really had to work at it. Just being honest. But getting someone to LIKE me? That’s a much different question, and has a whole other answer.
Delia:meaning
Me:meaning I’ve never really spent much or any time really caring whether people liked me. It just didn’t matter. I had my friends and I knew they liked me, because they hung out with me and we had fun. If they had opinions of me beyond that, I never bothered to find out. As for girls? Their opinions of my character was never in play. I did have female friends in college who I didn’t sleep with, and they fell into the category of friends I hung out with and I just assumed they liked me. But girls I slept with, I never asked what they thought of me, how they felt about me because feelings never entered the equation. And honestly, if I started to get a whiff of feelings from someone, I bolted.
Delia didn’t answer for a long time. Over an hour, during which time I twisted in the wind of fear and worry that I’d said too much, that I’d scared her off.
Then a text came through.
Delia:Sorry, the presentation ended, and I had a whole social hour to suffer through. New presentation so I can talk again. Thank you for sharing that with me, Thai. That’s pretty deep personal stuff.
Me:thought maybe it was too much personal stuff, or something.
Delia:No, not at all. Share things with me, Thai. Whatever it is. Because what I’m realizing is that even though we’ve known each other our whole lives, we don’t actually KNOW each other very well.
Me:Damn, though, that’s the truth. Weird.
Delia:It is weird, isn’t it? How you can know someone your whole life and not actually know them on a personal level. Like what makes them tick, things like that.
Me:You make me tick. Like a time bomb. This has been the longest weekend of my life haha
Delia:same, Thai, trust me. This is no easier for me. Going without sex is not the same as going without ANYTHING, even my own fingers. Normally on these things I have my buzzy little friend to help me out.
Me:can’t think about you doing that.
Delia:Sorry, not trying to tease you. Question: you said you’ve never been worried about whether people like you. Is that still true?
Me:no
Delia:care to elaborate?
Me:You. I want you to like me. I care what you think about me. Your opinion of me as a person matters to me. More than pretty much anything has ever mattered to me. Like, ever.
Delia:I’m developing a pretty positive opinion of you, I can tell you that much. But let’s not go fishing for compliments, shall we? LOL.
Delia:I’m not making light of what you said. It’s just still a little strange for me to realize that I also care about what you think of me. Maybe I always did, and that’s why it hurt so much when you were mean to me. I don’t know. That’s something I’d have to really think about more. But I care.
Me:I couldn’t possibly have a higher opinion of you. Although, the more I get to know you, the higher my opinion of you goes. I think you’re incredible. You’re smart, but I already knew that. Successful, but again, a known quantity. Things I’m learning about you: you’re incredibly sexy. You’re strong. You’re brave. You’re daring. You’re GOOD.
Delia:Wow, you do think a lot of me. Good in what sense, though?
Me:Good as in a moral sense. You’re a truly and genuinely good person. It’s a rare thing.
Delia:thank you. And Thai? You’re a good person too. You really are. I mean that.
Me:Well, I’m trying at least. It’s a work in progress.
Delia:We’re all a work in progress, Thai. It’s called the human condition.
