I turn away to give her privacy, but she doesn’t close the door. It’s oddly, endearingly intimate to hear her pee, to hear the rustle of toilet paper. I’d always thought that once you crossed that particular Rubicon, the mystery of the relationship was over.
But…
I find myself even more enamored. She’s even more real, even more human. Sharing something as intimate and personal as that makes me crave her even more, to know her even more. It’s a privilege, to be allowed so far into the inner workings of her life.
She emerges, washes her hands. “Was that weird?” she asks. “Should I have closed the door?”
I shake my head. “No. I was just thinking about how much of an incredible privilege it feels like, that you’re letting me so close. I don’t mean physically, but that way too. I just mean…sharing the intimacy of life.”
She leans against me, her hands still damp from being washed, not bothering to dry them. “It almost seems like you’re self-conscious, in a way, Thai.” A puzzled frown, thoughtful. “That’s not quite right. Not self-conscious. It’s like you don’t quite see your value to me.”
She takes my hand, leads me to the tub. Swishes her hand in the water. Twists the hot water on, opens the drain to let water out while it refills with hot water. In a moment, she closes the drain and shuts off the water. Tests the temperature again, and then nods. Glances at me.
“After you,” I say.
She climbs in, moving gingerly to avoid splashing or causing an overflow. I watch each and every movement greedily, hungry for every angle, every curve. The arch of her spine as she bends, hands on the sides of the tub. The bend of her thigh as it swells to become her buttocks. The delicate fold of her belly, the taut muscles visible—she’spowerful, strong, vibrant. She lowers herself into the water, steam wreathing around her face.
A sigh escapes her. “Get in,” she murmurs, her eyes on me. “It’s hot.”
I put my feet in, sitting on the edge. She opens the drain again, and more water gurgles out, and when I brace my hands on the sides and lower myself in, the overflow drain sucks noisily. She closes the drain once I’m settled, and the water hovers right at the point of sloshing over, the overflow drain working overtime.
I have my knees drawn up, and Delia smirks, reaching forward to pull my legs to either side of her, extending her legs over mine, feet against the crease of my hips.
Her hands rest on my knees, mine on her thighs. This position isn’t sexual, but it is the most intimate I’ve ever been with anyone, in a way.
A moment of silence.
“Thai, I just want you to know…” Her cheeks are tinged pink. “That wasn’t planned. But I don’t regret it.”
I don’t know what to say. Guilt and worry have been percolating. “Delia, I…I shouldn’t have—” I shake my head. “Number one, I’m clean. I’ve never… I’ve never been like that with anyone. Unprotected, I mean.”
“Thai…” She grabs my hand, and water sloshes over the side. “It wasmyidea. I wanted it.”
“I just…I should have asked if you were sure. If…I assumed you’re on birth control, but I just feel irresponsible for not making sure.”
She huffs, an actual laugh. “Thai, you’re not responsible for my choices—I am. I knew exactly what I was doing.” Her toes tickle my ribs. Flick against my member, threatening to start me up again. “Iamprotected, just so you know. But it wasn’t a moment of weakness, or a lapse in judgment. It was a conscious choice. Iwantedyou.” She holds my eyes. “Hear me, Thai. I needed you inside me, and I took what I wanted. And I don’t regret it. I…I fuckinglovedit. More than anything, literally ever. I’m still shaky.”
“I just…I wanted our first time to be…romantic. I had this whole thing planned, you know? I’d give you a massage and you’d take a bath and I’d make you come a few times, and then in the morning we’d have slow sleepy romantic sex.”
She grins, bubbles around her chin, rosebud tips of her breasts poking up out of the water, a thin scrim of bubbles sliding down the slopes. “I still want that, so you’d better deliver now that you’ve promised me that.” She keeps rubbing me with her toes, wherever her feet reach. “But. You need to understand something.”
“What’s that?”
“That I’m just as needy and horny as you are. That I want you every bit as much as you want me. That I’m not just…allowingyou to do things to me. Orgivingyou little moments, little pieces. It’s not an exchange, or a transaction. Like, you gave me an orgasm so IsupposeI’ll let you have one, too. Or, you went down on me so IguessI’ll let you have sex with me.” She smirks, sniffs a laugh. “I want you. I want things with you. Since things started with you, I’ve had fantasies of you. I’ve struggled with that, too. That it’s you. That I shouldn’t want you. That I shouldn’t be attracted to you. But I am, Thai. I do. I can’t get enough. I really can’t. I’m still all quivery from the last orgasm, but I already want another.”
I grin. “I can oblige.”
“I know you can. And believe me, I invite you to take every available opportunity to make me come. Give me as many orgasms as is humanly possible,please. I want them, all of them. Wake me up with them, tease me, surprise me, challenge me, dare me. I want it all—you make me want things I didn’t know were possible. You make me feel…crazy, daring, wild. Thai, you bring out the best in me, too. More than you can know.” She shakes her head, emotion swirling in her eyes, in her expression. “I was…I think I was only half living until you came along.”
I can reach her sex, so I trail my fingers along her seam. Tease her, touch her. “It doesn’t seem possible, but I’ll take it. I’ll earn the trust and faith you’re showing me.”
She sits up, more water splashing over the sides. Takes my hands and grips hard. “Thai, no. Listen, okay, listen. Like I said earlier, the past is past.”
“I know, but—”
She shakes her head. “No, Thai. There’s no earning.” Her expression is fraught, wild blue depths blazing with meaning and intensity and purpose. “Maybe you need to hear the words—and maybe I need to say them: Iforgiveyou, Matthais.”
I’m choked, eyes burning. Duck my head, instinctively. “Thank you, Delia. I…”
