I wrapped two fingers around the head of his cock, and immediately felt it begin hardening again.
I kept talking, because if I was talking, I wasn’t thinking. “Me and Glen. Sex was what you would imagine. Vanilla missionary, and nothing but. I told you this.”
“And you left wanting more often than not.”
“Right.” I slid my finger and thumb down his length. He inhaled slowly, deeply, his forehead tightening. Feeling it. Responding. “Then I found him in our bed with my boss—twenty-six years his senior, overweight and unattractive and not even a nice person.”
“Wow.”
I winced. “That’s not kind, I suppose. I shouldn’t be mean.”
“I’d say you’re allowed to feel a little less than charitable toward her. And him.”
“I suppose. Point is, that was it. I just…upended my life. Moved into a month-to-month furnished rental for super cheap in a not great part of town, lived on my savings, drank during the day and watched Netflix and gained an extra ten pounds, because without my schedule, I had no motivation to work out or shop for healthy food.”
“Good for you.”
I blinked. “What? No, not good for me.”
“Yes, good for you. That’s called being selfish. And after the way you lived, I’m guessing being as much a mom to that shiteater boyfriend of yours as a girlfriend or lover, and probably going above and beyond at work, and being a good daughter and a good sister and voting in all the local elections and helping the poor…you needed to be a little selfish.”
I frowned. “I…” I laughed. “I worked overtime and only occasionally got the time-and-a-half I deserved. Volunteered at a soup kitchen once a week, and counted ballots during elections.”
“See?”
I chuckled. “It’s like you know me.” I didn’t quite look at him as I said that, focusing instead on the feel of him in my hand. The thick hard girth, the seemingly endless length. The way the fat round head seemed to strain as I caressed him, my whole fist wrapped around him.
“I wanted more,” I whispered. “I would fantasize about…about what you did for me. Someone going down on me, just…just to make me feel good. I fantasized about…” the whisper became nearly inaudible. “About just being…desired. Seven years with Glen, and I never did, not really. He would want sex regularly, and we really did have a lot of it, but it was quick and not satisfying for me. It took a lot of introspection during my selfish time in that shitty apartment to come to grips with exactly how unsatisfying my sex life with him had been. And I’m still coming to grips with…myself, I guess. With letting myself really open up to…to who I am. To what I want. Because I think…” I paused to put this into the right words, no longer whispering. “I think I kept the true depths of my real…needs, and desires, sexually, physically, and even emotionally, under wraps. Repressed. Because I didn’t think I could get more than what I had. That Glen was all there was. He fit my plan for my life and, more than anything else, I’ve defined myself as a person who follows my plans through to the end, no matter what. Move to Boston. Work my way up at the firm. Partner by thirty-five at the latest. Get my masters, maybe a PhD and lecture at a university. There would be kids and a two-story brick Colonial in an upscale Boston or New York suburb, and we would have sex every Saturday or Sunday, and then kids and life would get in the way and I’d probably just stop wanting it. That was…that was what I assumed would happen.”
He shook his head. “Wow. You had that planned out to the last detail.”
“I had kid’s names picked out, boys and girls. Interior designs chosen. Dog’s names. I knew the kind of curtains and fine china and silverware and linens I wanted in my formal dining room.”
“Jesus, babe, what about, like, spontaneity?”
I snorted. “What’s that? This road trip, getting drunk, ending up with you, this is the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done in my life. And it feels so,soreckless.”
He laughed. “I’ll have to show you real deal reckless spontaneity. That’ll open you up.”
All the while, my one hand, loosely curled around him, was sliding up and down. Lazily, almost, and he was seemingly capable of ignoring it. But I saw the corners of his eyes tightening, his jaw ticking.
I wanted to see more of his reactions. See him…a little wild.
I closed my fist around him, gripping him. Twisted my fist. Plunged it downward, fast. He sucked in a breath, and his abs tensed. I watched his eyes, his body—I loosened my touch and caressed him in slow measured gentle movements, and his jaw fell open, and his eyes went glassy. Yeah, he liked that. More than the hard fast stuff, he liked the slow and gentle.
So I stayed with slow and gentle. I rubbed the pad of my thumb over his tip, and he stopped breathing for a moment. Gave each upward stroke a twist around his girth, and then at the top, shallow twisting half-strokes, until he started flexing his hips.
“Fuck, Charlie. You have any fuckin’ clue how good that feels?” He snarled.
“Tell me,” I whispered. “I want to know what you like, what you want.”
“You wanna know what I want?”
As I nodded I plunged my fist down to his root and squeezed at the base, and pumped him. “I really do.”
He closed his eyes a moment, his breathing going deep and rapid. Eyes opened, focused on my hand, his cock. “I want your mouth, Charlie. I want to see those pink lips around my dick. Want to feel your tongue. Want you to fuckin’—to lick it. Want you to make my cock all sloppy wet with your spit and…shit, woman. I shouldn’t say this, but I’m gonna. I ought to want to be inside you more than anything, and I fuckin’ do, so bad. I want to sit you on top of me and watch you bounce on my cock until you scream. But right now, Charlie, all I want is to come all down your pretty fuckin’ throat. Knowing you never done that before? Feel fuckin’ dirty for this, but I wanna be the first.”
I felt fire in my lungs, a burn in my sex. A flutter in my gut. I slid down, so I was lying mostly on his legs. My face near his cock, the huge thick thing bobbing with his rapid breath. Comfortable with it in my hand was one thing, but putting it in my mouth was another. I’d considered it any number of times over the years with Glen, but never had the courage to try.
