“Should think about it. Might help you get past the old shit.”
I nodded. “Fair point.” I let out a long sigh. “Let’s do it, Ram. I’m in.”
Ram grinned, slapping the lip of the truck bed with both hands, and let out a loud whoop. “All right! Badd Outdoors, here we come!” He climbed behind the wheel and glanced at me as I slid in as well. “You’re wasting your time at that hardware store. You belong out here, Dad.”
I nodded. “It’s served me well, that job. Got me on my feet, introduced me to Liv, kept me busy…I needed time to get to this point, Ram. Nothing’s wasted.”
He nodded. “Good point.”
We chatted easily as Ram drove us back downtown, and when he was about to drop me off at my condo, he tapped the steering wheel with one hand. “You know, you’ll need to start driving again. You still have a license, yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I dealt with all that already. Despite my history of alcoholism and overall terrible decisions, I rarely drove drunk and never got popped for it the few times I did, living in the boonies where we did. Wasn’t anyone on patrol to see me swervin’, and the bar I drank at was only a few miles down the road. Not excusin’ nothin’, just…anyway, the point is, that was my first offense, anywhere, ever. So I paid some fines, took some safe driving classes and mandatory AA, shit like that. I’m legally allowed to drive, I just…” I shrugged. “Haven’t wanted to.”
“The wreck shook you up more than you’re willing to admit, I think.”
I nodded. “Yeah, probably true.” I sighed. “So I gotta get a set of wheels.”
“And probably a cell phone made in the last, oh I don’t know, twenty years?” Ram said with a laugh.
I pulled out the flip phone I’d had since the mid-90s. “What’s wrong with this?”
“It’s a dinosaur, Dad. Belongs in a museum. I need to be able to reliably contact you, preferably by text.”
I faked a cranky growl. “Whatever. A phoneanda truck?”
“I’ll help you pick ’em out, if you want.”
I answered with an uncertain noise. “I’ll think about it.” Then I turned to Ram and said, “I may need a ride somewhere.”
*
The next majorevent was the conversation with Rome, a few days after my hike with Ram. I’d bought a phone, and was still on the hunt for a decent used pickup, and decided to call Rome for a ride to go check out a truck I’d seen an ad for on a corkboard in my little supermarket.
He picked me up within a few minutes of my call, and I gave him the address. Once we were on the way, he eyed me. “Got a phone, gettin’ a truck…movin’ on up, huh?”
I nodded. “That’s the idea.”
“What prompted it?”
I wasn’t sure if Ram was ready for everyone to know our plan to go into business together, and I wasn’t sure Roman was ready to hear it, so I just shrugged. “Time to deal with it, you know? The accident shook me up, shook my confidence as a driver. I dunno. I guess the way everything happened, being immobile and the bum leg and moving up here after all these years, it was a lot of change all at once.”
Rome didn’t respond right away. “Which you brought on yourself.”
I sighed, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice when I responded. “I know, Roman. I know. I’m working on fixing all of that.”
He had his window open, trailing his hand out in the breeze. “I do see you making an effort. Don’t think I don’t see that, Dad.”
I had to dig deep again, summoning the wherewithal to say what was needed. “Rome, I…part of fixing myself and my life is addressing my mistakes.”
Rome’s fist gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I’m listening.”
“So, uh…I just wanna say I’m sorry, and ask you to forgive me for bein’ such a bad father to you and your brothers.” I swallowed hard, cleared my throat, and continued. “For all the horrible shit I’ve done, all the ways I neglected you boys, and made you fend for yourselves growin’ up, seein’ as I was too drunk most of the time to…to be a real father to you. I didn’t do right by you boys, and I’m sorry.”
I wanted to duck my head and close my eyes and swallow the pain and the embarrassment, but I didn’t. I kept my eyes open and on my son. Rome glanced at me, at the road, back to me again, his brow furrowed, his expression hard to read. He turned his gaze back to the road, and was silent for a long time.
Abruptly, he yanked the wheel over and pulled off the road onto the shoulder, shoved his door open and lurched out, rounding the hood to pace up the road a ways. I gave him a minute or so, and then got out of the truck as well, following him down the road.
He braced his hands on his hips, staring at the sky. “You know how long I’ve waited to hear that?”
