“Don’t worry about that. We’ll catch up whenever it works out. Go mom the hell outta that girl.”
I smiled at that turn of phrase, and then waved as I headed out the door and climbed back into the cab.
The whole way to the airport, through security and check-in, and while I sat waiting to board, all I could think of was how his arms around me had felt, how his scent had made my stomach tight. How being in his arms had just felt…right.
Then finally my flight started boarding, and I did my best to put Lucas out of my mind while I started researching places to stay near the hospital—Cassie had texted me the address of the hospital, so I should be able to find a room close by.
Charlie had broken up with her boyfriend and was likely going to quit her job, Poppy was likely going to quit school without a definite plan for the future, and now Cassie was facing a career-ending injury, and a comatose fiancé…and I had not known they were even engaged.
God, please, can we make sure Lexie and Torie avoid any life-changing crises? Thanks.
11
Lucas
A week turned into two,and then Liv sent me a postcard from Paris at the start of week three, telling me Cassie’s surgery had gone well and that she was healing and going through physical therapy before attempting the journey home. Cassie’s dance troupe was paying for Liv’s stay in Paris, while insurance was taking care of the medical bills.
I was working out with Baxter six days a week, resting Sunday and treating myself to a cheeseburger and fries; the rest of the week, I was working out, intermittent fasting from eight in the evening until noon, eating clean, lean foods, consisting mainly of salad, turkey and chicken, brown rice, sweet potatoes, fish, avocado, eggs, and berries. Funny part of it was, I felt better than I had…pretty much ever, even as a young man. The fat was melting off, and I was getting stronger by the day. My limp was gone, and that leg was back to full strength. My gut was vanishing by the day, my muscles were gaining shape and tautness, and my confidence was soaring.
I’d even taken up running every morning with Zane who, it turned out, lived in a converted warehouse just down the street with his wife Mara and their son Jax. Zane was an early bird out of habit from his years as a Navy SEAL, so we met outside his warehouse at five every morning, ran three, four, or five miles, and then I would shower and go into work, meet Bax at his gym for an hour of torture known as HIIT workout and weight lifting, and then I’d usually spend the evening at home.
Alone.
Sometimes, Roman, Remington, or Ramsey would come by and hang out with me, or take me to dinner. Occasionally I’d go hiking with Ramsey, and those hikes turned into one of my favorite things.
It was halfway through the third week of Liv’s absence, and I was on the trail with Ramsey, hiking up in the wilderness off-trail near Deer Mountain. Ramsey was ahead of me a ways, out of sight but within shouting distance—we’d hiked together enough by this point that we had a system: he’d lead the way in a general direction, and we’d hike that way separately but always within shouting distance of each other. He’d long-since gone beyond the need to stay on maintained trails, preferring instead to head into the real wilderness, trusting in his knowledge of the terrain and a compass, while I trusted him…
And my own recurring memories.
Lena, Liam, and I had spent endless hours in these woods surrounding Ketchikan, and while the terrain had obviously changed somewhat, the basic landmarks were the same, and even some of the older trees I’d used for specific landmarks were still there.
I caught up to Ram as he topped a rise, pausing to sit with his back to a tree, sipping from his canteen.
He glanced at me, a long, speculative look. “You know, Dad, I gotta admit, I was kinda skeptical there for a while, but it really does look like you’ve turned your shit around.”
I pulled a small pocketknife from my hip pocket and picked up a stick, whittling at the end of it. “You got every right to be skeptical,” I said, slowly. “But yeah, this ain’t a fluke. I feel good. I like being sober and healthy. I like working out, feeling myself getting stronger, looking less like a tubby fuckin’ walrus and more like I used’ta look.” I laughed. “Well, used to look, plus forty years of hard living.”
“You look great, Dad.” Ram grinned at me. “Honest answer, though—how much of this is for yourself, and how much of it is about Olivia?”
I sighed. “Honest answer is complicated, son. I’m doin’ it for me,andfor her.”
Ram frowned. “Want to elaborate on that?”
“Well, she’s sort of the motivation. I want to look good, feel good,begood, for her. I want to be able to go on hikes with her and not be out of breath in less’n a mile. I want to be a man she’d be proud to be seen with and, the truth is, I wasn’t that when I met her. I was a sad sack of self-pitying shit. And yeah, she was the motivator to get my shit figured out, because I like her, and I want to see more of her, but she’s too wary and too proud to be sucked into the mess that is my life, and with reason, damn good reason. So, if I start havin’ some pride in who I am and what I look like, maybe she’ll let herself like me more, and we can be more than just friends.”
“You want that with her?” Ram asked.
I nodded, watching an eagle soar in wide, lazy circles. “Yeah, I do. She’s an amazing woman.” I dug deep, grumbled something that took a lot of courage to speak out loud, which I realized I could only have said to Ramsey, my most temperamental but insightful son. “I want to deserve a woman like her.”
Ramsey was silent a while, and I could feel him thinking; that’s why I could only have said to him—he’d think, and respond with care, when it was something serious like this.
“I think you’re definitely getting there, Dad.”
“Not there yet, though?”
He shook his head, breaking a twig into small pieces; a warm breeze blew, ruffling his thick beard and shaggy blond hair. “You haven’t dealt with things. Not really. Talking about it was a big step, and I recognize what it took for you to do that, especially in such a big setting. But that’s not the same as doing the work to deal with it on a deeper level.”
I growled. “Before she left, Liv told me I should see a shrink.”
