“But Aiden needs you as his principal and his coach. He has my dad, and Dad is a great male role model for him. But Aiden needs something else. Someone younger to teach him things Dad can’t. To be there for him in a way Dad can’t, just as his grandpa. And now Aiden has you as that, and I…I can’t risk that. I can’t risk taking that away from him for my own selfish reasons.”
“Wouldn’t it be adding something? If you and I were…if we spent more time together, I’d be able to be around more, if you wanted that. If you allowed it. I’m not assuming anything, I just…” He sighs, hunting for the right words. “I feel like it could add to the roles I could play for him. And I won’t mince words, Elyse: I’d like that.”
“It’s tempting, Jamie. You have no idea how tempting.” I have to close my eyes, I can’t look at him. “But what if…”
“You can’t live your life scared of the what-ifs, Elyse,” Jamie says.
I shake my head, pacing away from him. “How do younot? It’s all I think about. What if I let something with you and me happen, and Aiden gets even more attached to you than he is, and then something happens between us? What then, for Aiden? And for myself, I ask the same question, you know? Like, what if I let something happen, andIget attached, and then something happens. It was hard enough with what happened with Daniel and me. You and me, we would be…different. Which is why it’s so tempting.” I find myself facing the window beside the front door, staring out into the darkness beyond, my arms wrapped around my middle. “But the what-ifs run through my head, and I think back to how devastated Aiden was when Daniel left, and how he thought it was his fault, and how hurt he was, how hurt hestillis, and I just…I get so scared. And it freezes me up. And I just…can’t.”
I hear his steps, feel him standing behind me. Smell him. Sense his heat. “Elyse…” His voice is so close, his breath is on my ear. He’s nearly touching me; he’s standing so close. “You’re not asking the reverse what-ifs.”
I twist in place, and I’m staring up at him. So close. So, so close. His hands lift, hover over my waist, then settle on my hips. “What…” My voice cracks, breaks, drops to a helpless whisper. “What do you mean?”
“What if, you say…what if something happened. And I say, yeah, what if somethingdidhappen? What if we were great together? What if we lasted? What if you got attached and Aiden got attached, and I got attached to the both of you—more so than I already am, I’ll be the first to admit—and it was a wonderful, beautiful, lasting thing?”
I blink hard. He swims in front of me, blurred and hazy. “Jamie, dammit, not fair.”
“Just asking the same question you are, from the opposite perspective.”
“How do we know which it’ll be?”
He shakes his head, shrugs. “You don’t. We wouldn’t. We’d be taking that risk.”
“And that’s the risk I’m afraid of.”
“Wouldn’t it be worth it, if it was the what-if I’m suggesting?” he says, closing the space between us, so our bodies are touching. “Wouldn’t it be worth the risk, if things worked out?”
“Yeah,” I breathe, “it would be.” I inhale sharply. “But the cost if it doesn’t…that’s what stops me.”
“There’d be a cost for me too, Elyse. I’ve been hurt and abandoned, too—I’ve felt like I wasn’t enough.”
“If there was some way of just…knowing…” I whisper.
“I wish there was, too.” He shrugs. “But there’s not, is there? So we just have to risk, and trust.”
I stare up into his eyes. Swallow hard. Fight for breath.
“Dammit, Elyse.” His whisper is hoarse, frustrated.
“What?”
He shakes his head, his jaw flexing. “I just…” He lets out a sharp huff.
“What, Jamie? Just say it.”
“It’s not something I need tosay.” His brown eyes aren’t just warm, now—they’re hot, eager, fiery, blazing and intense.
“Then what?”
His hands lift from my waist, and wrap around my face, thumbs brushing my cheekbones, palms on my jaw, fingers tracing the tender skin behind my ear and under the fall of my hair.
“I need to kiss you,” he says, his voice strong and confident.
“Jamie…”
He shakes his head, brow furrowing. “Ihaveto kiss you. I need to know.”
“Need to know what?”
