I laugh. “Pretty much. Although, you know, he also set another record last year? Most number of volunteer hours in a school year.”
Jen’s eyebrows rise. “Really? What’d he volunteer for?”
“He helped Clayton Methodist bring meals to retirees and other low-income families in the area. He basically ran the program, and railroaded most of his teammates into doing it with him. It was pretty cool, actually.”
Jen sighs. “Rob is misunderstood, I think. He’s a really nice guy, if you can get past the jock armor he puts up.”
“Kind of like how you’re actually a really cool girl, if you can get past the shy and insecure armor you put up?”
Jen doesn’t answer right away. “It’s not armor, Mrs. Thomas.”
“Get you talking about math or physics, and you’re the most confident girl I know. Take you out of that context, though…”
Jen lifts a shoulder. “Out of that context, I get lost, that’s all.”
“Did you have a good summer?” I ask.
She shrugs noncommittally, her face a little too blank. “It was okay.”
“What’d you do?”
“Read a lot. Mostly books on advanced math and biographies on famous or influential mathematicians.”
“Did you meet anyone new?”
Her face falls. “No, I didn’t.”
“Did you try?”
She stares at her shoes. “Not really.”
“Come on, Jen. We talked about this. You can’t hide behind academics your whole life. You’ll only ever meet someone if you put yourself out there and try.”
Jen nods, shrugs. “I know, I know. But I just don’t…I don’t know how. And if I did put myself out there, I’d just get rejected.”
“How do you know?”
Her eyes flare, anger rising. “Because look at me, Mrs. Thomas! You know what else I did this summer? Not one, not two, not three, butfourdifferent diets, none of which worked for more than two weeks.”
I sigh. “Jen, it takes more than a couple weeks. And just because you mess up once or twice doesn’t mean you failed the whole thing. And plus, there’s more to meeting someone and being with someone than what you look like or how much you weigh.”
“I guess, but…” she trails off.
“But what?” I prompt.
“But that’s all I see, and it’s all anyone else will ever see.” Her expression was so despondent it was heartbreaking. “Everyone knows I’m smart, that’s why they all want me to tutor them. Rob was single when I tutored him, and he acted like…like I was a talking robot, or his sister, or something. He couldn’t have been less interested in me if he had tried. I wasn’t a girl to him, I was just…a tutor. Someone to help him at math so he could keep playing football.”
“Jen—”
“He wasn’t mean about it, don’t get me wrong. He was nice, a lot nicer than I expected him to be. He just…he didn’t see me like…like that.”
“Do you like him?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I mean, sure. Who doesn’t? He’s really good-looking. But did Ilikehim? I knew he didn’t and wouldn’t ever see me like that, so I didn’t bother letting myself feel that for him. There wasn’t any point.”
I want to make excuses for him, or offer some kind of explanation. But I don’t. She’d see through them, and I’ve experienced similar things myself, so I know where she’s coming from.
“You have to be confident in yourself, Jen. You have a lot to offer, sweetheart. You’re an amazing person. You’re not just smart, you’re beautiful, and you’re fun to talk to and to be around. So be confident!”
