Chapter 5
Running Still Sucks
“Do your best, one shot at a time, and then move on.”
—Nancy Lopez
If you started running because you read my book, I probably owe you an apology. You probably hate me. You might even curse my name. I think I’ve even cursed my own name while running. Honestly it doesn’t ever get better or easier, you just get stronger. It’s hard for me, as a mom, to hide when I’m really not in the mood for our family runs. Usually my older daughter or my four-year-old son will start complaining first:
“We’re going too far!”
“I hate running.”
“This is stupid.”
And most of the time I agree—it only takes about 5 minutes into my run before I’m questioning my own sanity. During my runs I’m wondering why I do this, when am I going to just drop, or should I call someone to pick me up so I don’t have to run back? It’s after I finish running, when I really feel strong, that I feel differently. And that’s as true now as when I first started running. I’ve never completed a run and wished I hadn’t done it, or felt sorry that I got off the couch and set out.
But I have had plenty of days when I wished Ihadrun. There are some days when I just feel off, or I can’t get my mind and body to really get in the game and focus—those are the days when I wish I had run. Running changes you even in small ways, step-by-step, block by block, and mile by mile.
When my family first started doing 5K runs, we stuck to those with level, even courses that would be easy with toddlers and strollers. I highly suggest you check out the route and course difficulty before signing up for a race; we learned this the hard way this summer when I saw an advertisement for a local “Harvest Run.”
Most of my readers know we are in northern Michigan in a very agricultural area. A Harvest Run through orchards and vineyards—sounds fun, right? Well, it’s fun until you realize, halfway through, that you’re headed straight uphill for over a solid mile. These are the times when you actually loathe running. When your legs and lungs are burning, and you wish you could just lie down on the stupid hill and let people use your motionless body as a speed bump.
Halfway through that run, I met up with a great group of ladies who felt the exact same way I did about that stupid hill. We all kept grumbling about how we hated each and every step, stumbling together over vines and rocks and holes. It was an experience that might be best compared to a root canal performed on you by your ex-husband. Okay, maybe not that bad, but pretty darn close. I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it. The hilarious part was that I remember thinking that my poor mother was behind me, and my husband and three kids were somewhere ahead of me, so at least if I died nearly everyone I loved would be close by.
That was actually the first run when anyone in our family received a medal. Jack finished first in his age division and my two oldest boys were first and second in theirs. Personally, I was just happy to finish. My mom thinks she did die somewhere around mile two and was forcibly reincarnated. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her swear as much as she did that day. Didn’t I tell you this would be loads of family fun? Just imagine how fun it was for my kids to hear grandma swearing. It was a blast, though. We were all so very proud of her as she crossed the finish line.
I know there’s no way she would have made it to the end even a year ago, yet there we were, my mother and I ... finishers! And there were my kids and husband, with medals around their necks, on a course that triathletes were using as training. WOW! Let me tell you how freaking amazing we felt at the end. We were glowing, bursting, laughing, and exhausted. This run wasn’t just about health, this run was about strength. You have to be strong to scale a hill, people. That sort of workout is just no joke. As we were walking back to our van I kept thinking about how strong I felt, how I felt so many of my muscles as I was getting up those hills.
I guess you could say running was becoming a bit of a gateway drug for me. I wanted to feel more of that. I wondered just how many other muscles I might have hiding in there. As an obese person I had never really thought much about my muscles. They just weren’t something that mattered. Any muscles that were in there wouldn’t be seen, and as long as I could get from point A to point B, muscles didn’t really matter.
Running forced me into a relationship with my muscles, and with my body. If you’ve carried lots of extra weight your whole life, this might be something you will experience, too. You’ll start to notice that each time you run you can feel things happening in your body that you may have not felt before. You’ll challenge yourself. Your body will meet you in these challenges.
Sometimes it is SO HARD, you’ll probably want to quit the entire time. The coolest part for me during these family runs is that even though I may want to quit, I also want to keep going. I want to keeping going so I can get to the end and see the smiling faces of my kids and husband. Seeing them at the finish line, not only proud of themselves but also proud ofME. There’s something about that you just can’t describe. I don’t run because of how it makes me look, I run because of how it makes mefeel. Not just my physical body, but also my heart and mind, too. I believe this feeling comes from any physical activity when we’re required to push ourselves, where our heart rate goes up and we have to join our bodies in the discipline of, “can’t stop, won’t stop.”
I don’t think there will ever be a time when I am going to pick running over shopping, chocolate, or Josh Cabernet Sauvignon, but nothing has ever given me long term joy like I’ve experienced from regular physical movement. The feelings that come from movement beyond what you think possible is nearly orgasmic. Don’t believe me? Try it!
Today I did a new exercise program that my husband has been trying out for this book. We did 60 deadlifts, 60 weighted squats, 200 jumping jacks, 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups on top of wogging a few miles. For most people that might not be so crazy, but for ME, for Jasinda Wilder, who weighed between 300 and 400 pounds her entire life, that’s crazy-pants amazing. This poor body has been through so much. So many scary diagnoses. So much pain. That same body is now doing these things, and it feels amazing. It feels like I’m finally alive for the first time in my life!
I know that might sound crazy to some, but if you were a fat child like I was, a child that sat out in gym while watching the other kids running, climbing, and playing, then you understand.
Walking took me to wogging and then to running, and now it has lit a fire under me to see what other things my body might be able to do. You might be sitting there thinking that, yes, even if you’ve done a few 5Ks because Jasinda made you do it, there’s still no way you could do any of the other things that are coming up in this book. You might even think I’m just straight-up crazy, but that is totally okay! You can think that before, during, and after trying this with us. I just want you to give me another 8 weeks.
Yes, running sucks, but it is also amazing too, right? Remember how you felt when you finished that first 5k? Let’s keep at that and throw in some other things to tone, stretch, and add strength to your body. I believe you can do anything I can do. I believe you can probably even do better. You’ll be running past me and lifting weights heavier than I can. I promise. In the next chapter we are going to talk about a simple plan to get you on the #WilderWay 2.0.
We’ve healed and cleaned our bodies, we’ve got ourselves moving, and now we’re ready to get strong. You aren’t in this alone. We are going to do this together. I know we can.
Get your strong on, girl.
