Chapter 15
Your Happy Weight vs Your Goal Weight
“To change the world/It starts with one step/However small/First step is hardest of all.”
—Dave Mathews Band
Iactually HATE the term “goal weight.” Probably because in my head, as a child, I knew I had about as much chance of achieving my “goal” weight as I had of flying. That had been an actual joke, a cruel joke. Even when I would basically starve myself as a child, the scale would go in the wrong direction. I faithfully ate my chemical-filled Weight Watchers meals and treats and yet, week after week, I just put on more and more weight. I believed I would never be able to meet any weight loss goals set by my doctor, nutritionist, or grandmother. My inability to meet their goals was a constant reminder of how bad I was, of how much of a failure I would always be. As sad as that might sound, it was exactly how I felt. So, I just filed away the idea of achieving a goal weight—it remained in the same category as my dream to be a rock star, or ride a unicycle, or travel to Australia.
When this health and wellness journey got me to my first milestone—losing 100 pounds—my doctor asked me if I had a goal in mind. Even though a goal had crossed my mind a few times, I really didn’t have a specific number. At best, I had a large range of numbers, and when I passed that goal I really had to ask myself what number would make me feel as if I had ended my journey.
But would it ever end? Would I ever really feel happy, satisfied, and comfortable in my body? All I had ever heard was the term “obese” over and over again my whole life. I knew I didn’t want that term to be applied to me any longer. Size 12 sounded good. I didn’t want to lose all of my curves; I wanted to look like a woman; I wanted my legs to be strong and my butt to look full. Was there a number that would perfectly represent how I looked,andrepresent my new strength and health?
My quick answer to this question is ... no.
In the same way there is no single word that can describe all of these things, neither can a hard and fast goal weight number. My journey is made up of many things: an amazing outfit, a particular moment, a special photo. In terms of weight, my journey is a collage of numbers.
As I mentioned before, even my two doctors couldn’t agree on a good “goal range” for me. My primary care physician, who has a background in eating disorders and nutrition, had a range in her mind higher than my blood doctor had. Her reasoning had to do with muscle mass, and her worry was that if I got too small my body wouldn’t be able to maintain my high muscle mass.
I also want to point out here that if you don’t know your muscle mass and fat mass, you really should find out. Please don’t rely on the outdated and largely irrelevant BMI (body mass index) as the best indicator of a physical goal for you. You can check out a calculator here:www.active.com/fitness/calculators/bodyfat. Even when my BMI said “obese” or “overweight,” my fat percentage was in the acceptable range, because the BMI calculations don’t take my muscle mass into consideration. Please don’t believe one chart over the other, rather look at both and find a good in-between range in which you not only feel good, but also feel strong.
If you readBIG GIRLS DO IT RUNNING, you know I’m an advocate for not depriving myself. In fact, I think we should enjoy our treats, and I don’t think we should waste time counting calories or putting food into tiny stupid boxes. I refuse to live my life that way.
So after lots of thought and prayer, I’ve decided that I won’t set a goal weight number, just a goalfeeling. When I get to the point where my body feels strong, healthy, and satisfied without any struggle, then I’ll be where I’m supposed to be.
I don’t think we need to pick an absolute number. What happens if you get to the place you always envisioned and you feel you still have work to do? What then? I’ve seen this happen several times. My mom only wanted to lose 10–15 pounds and then she kept losing and thought, gosh ... maybe my body knows what it’s doing, and I’ll just keep going and trust it. Now, she’s signed up for her first 10K and she’s down over 20 lbs. She eats healthy, satisfying foods. She’s happy, and she’s off medications. Nanny Karri had almost the same experience. She just wanted to get under a certain number that she had never gotten under before; then she was below it. Then what? Well, she kept eating right and kept lifting her weights and running, and then she was five pounds under that number. Guess what? She’s still going! She’s gaining muscle and getting leaner, and she’s faster than ever! I think her arms might even be more impressive than Jack’s; please don’t let him know I said that, but it’s true!
Your happy weight might even behigherthan you once thought. Maybe you started lifting weights and you realized, like me, that you LOVE it. Maybe you need to keep some of that weight and transfer it to muscle. That’s great too! So what if it keeps you in the overweight BMI range if your fat percentage is 20%? That’s great!
The real goal is all about how youfeel. Can you run with your kids? Can you buy clothes at almost any store? Can you jump? Do you look in the mirror and smile back at what you see? Do you feel good when you have to weigh in for your doctor? Are you off those medications you’ve been on for years? These are the golden goals! They are what makes it all worth it, Mama!
Please don’t let your happiness depend on some chart or number. Andplease,don’t let some doctor let you believe that one old, outdated set of information is the only way to get a full and true picture of your health. If I have one prayer for each of you who are on this journey with me it’s that you find your happy weight, that you find your strength, that you wear it boldly and proudly. Don’t let anyone put Baby in the corner. This is Baby’s turn to dance and have the time of her life. Yes, that was a dorky 80s movie reference.
I think we spend too much time feeling bad about ourselves, criticizing ourselves, and wanting what we don’t have. I think it’s time to stop letting these ridiculous standards and images hold us back. So often I see fitness posts about fitting into an outfit, or losing X amount of weight. Do we really need that to be the end point? Does that really define us? In our culture, these are the things that can really compromise our self-esteem.
I suggest to you that our health and our ability to live without the chains of food addiction, obsession, pain, and suffering is really where our dreams should be. I believe each of us has been created to be happy, satisfied, and nourished. Sadly, a lifetime of “food-like products” has caused our bodies to shut down and not work the way they should.
This isn’t your fault.
Let me say it again: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
You aren’t lazy, you don’t have an issue with willpower—you’ve beenpoisoned. Once you’ve finally cleansed your body and are on the road to getting it healed, give it grace and give it time. Remember, this isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Yes, there will be some ups and downs, you will get discouraged, you will get frustrated, but you’ll also find great joy and better health. Hold on, and try to stick with me. Find your happy. Look for those daily moments where you see yourself in a positive way. Be proud of your continued better choices. Find a place where your body feels healthy, strong, and proud, and hold on tight!
I’m proud of you, soyoube proud of you, too.
