The last time a man had an effect on me that was even remotely close, he ruined me. My refusal to put myself back in harm’s way had nothing to do with Fohr and everything to do with the woman I had become. I was protective of her, and for good reason.
It had been years of piecing her together and digging her out of the hole she was left to die in. This was personal. And, spending any amount of time alone with this man would diminish every effort I’d made to secure her.
“Have I said anything to upset you?” He questioned, immediately rushing to aid wounds that he hadn’t caused.
“No. I’m just not interested. I’ll send the money back once it settles in my account, and if you’ll have me once this is allover, I will continue with my duties. Until then, goodbye, Fohr.” Head bowed, I gnawed the corner of my bottom lip as the words flowed from me.
Confliction was my plague at the moment. I’d remembered feeling the butterflies and rapid changes in heart rate so many years ago. It had all led to a pit of lies and heartbreak that I drowned in for so long I don’t even remember the moment when I pulled myself out. It was all a blur, a painful one.
“I can’t remember being in a place where I wasn’t welcomed but something tells me that it isn’t the case here. However, I’ve been asked to leave, and that’s what I’ll do. The money is yours to keep for your services over the years and for the length of this difficult time. Your comfort is my highest priority and unfortunately, I can’t responsibly continue to employ anyone who I make uncomfortable.
“You’re shaking right now and I haven’t done or said anything to upset or harm you. That raises flags for me, Kit,” he hissed as he continued to drench me in unbearably painful words. “My bad. I won’t call you that, again, but that only solidifies my decision. I’m unable to use your government. I’m not sure what’s up with that or what’s up with this, but I want you to feel good in my presence or absence,” he spoke with his hands and lips.
I listened intently as he read me for the filth that I was. Admittedly, he hadn’t done a single thing to upset me. Not even showing up at my door caused budding anger, truthfully. It was just him. His presence.
The way it made me bubble inside, and I hated it. Hated him for having the ability because it had been years since anyone had it. Not since my last. And, I’d sworn that he would be my last. I promised myself, and I refused to break that promise by jeopardizing my heart and sanity by staying with a man that I was implausibly attracted to,even at first sight.
“Goodnight, Fohr,” I repeated, unable to conjure any more words. My brain and heart were already working against one another and the thudding of my lady parts didn’t help much. My body was at war with itself, truly.
“Goodnight, Ki–” He paused after only a step as if he’d forgotten something. “Goodnight,” Fohr readjusted his words.
THREE
Fatigue.
Exhaustion.
Both heavy on my radar and kicking my ass.
The crummy crust I extracted from the corners of my eyes as I dug my knuckles into the crevices of my face scraped my skin causing a temporary burning sensation. Frustration was birthed, swiftly, at the sound of my bell dinging for the second time. To my dismay, I was the only person home and there wasn’t a soul available to grab the door or see who deemed it necessary to pay me a visit so early in the fucking morning.
The sun hadn’t fully rose. It was still peeking from the earth’s core. The birds were still chirping, starring in nature’s melody. The purplish-pink glow covered the sky in anticipation of a bright, blue conclusion after the sun settled within the next hour.
“Fuck,” I groaned, tossing my legs over the side of my bed and settling them on the floor.
I could hardly gather my bearings before I was off and on my way to the door. The quicker I reached it, the quicker I could send whoever the fuck felt the need to ring it back to wherever the hell they’d crawled from. They weren’t welcomed here.
My morning wood never ceased a moment to showcase its readiness. A few steps ahead of me and threatening to split the seams of my briefs as we made our way through the length of my home, we finally reached the corridor. By the time we discovered the front door, it began to deflate. A quick peek at the cameras a few feet away was the initial plan but the sight of the feminine silhouette peeking through the frosty coating of my front door paralyzed me.
“This nigga,” I hissed with a shake of my head, already mentally preparing for the words I’d lend my brother due to the presence of one of his flings –and so damn early in the morning, nevertheless.
Prior to my arrival, he’d been housesitting, and I was beginning to think that was a mistake. My home had become his home in the last few years, and it was becoming more obvious as the hours passed. I felt like a stranger in my own shit.
Pulling the handle, I gathered the words for the lost beauty whom I was sure to find behind my door. “He–” I managed before silence coated the air, inside and out.
“Good morning,” the angelic figure breathed slowly as she released.
In total control of her words, obviously contemplating before she spoke, Kit removed the ringlets from her face so that it was no longer covered and in full view. Gazing into her umber-colored eyes, I tilted my head in an attempt to comprehend. Just a few hours prior, she was adamant about my disappearance, yet she was at my doorstep looking as if it was five in the evening and not six in the morning.
“Are you going to let me in or keep me out here?” She continued.
“Why are you here?” I questioned. Never one to trip or get in my feelings, I was simply perplexed by her presence and wanted clarity.
“I wanted to know if the offer still stood… if you’d still have me?”
With pleasure, I suppressed. “Ki… Fuck,” I chastised, “Listen, I’m not keen to the idea of walking around my house on eggshells. If it’s the money you’re worried about working off, then turn around and go home, now. Consider it a gift.”
“It’s you I’m worried about, Fohr.” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other as a dent appeared in her bottom lip. She was chewing on it, possibly a nervous habit. Whatever the case, I noticed and noted.
