“So what is it then?” She queried.
“I…I came to cool off my head. I had no idea you would be here.” I carefully explained, trying to avert any form of misunderstanding. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”
She didn't respond. So, I turned to leave, not wanting any more trouble.
“You can sit,” she called out, her voice low.
“Thank you.”
We sat there in silence, saying nothing to each other. After what seemed like an eternity of awkward tension and silence, I broke the ice.
“Do you come here often?” I asked, looking at every other corner of the cave but at her.
“More or less. Especially when I need to sort my thoughts. Solitude is therapeutic.”
“Yeah, it really is.”
“I have been doing so for the last couple of years,” she added.
We became quiet again for another couple of minutes.
“I miss coming here with you, though.”“I don't think you do, Kevin. So, let’s not play that route.”
“Licia, I owe you an apology.”
I found myself lost for words again. Where do I begin to make amends? I had so much to say.
“Are you going to actually apologize or were you just giving me a heads-up?” She retorted, dabbing her mascara-stained eyes with the paper towel. She seemed to have been crying for a while, and I felt my heart cringe at the sight.
Sarcasm… that’s nice. It meant I had her attention.
“Yeah…” Realizing this was my shot at an audience. “I am so sorry for the way I left. I could have tried harder to reach you or at least keep in touch. I am not going to make excuses for that. Iwas wrong.” I rambled on, unsure of how long she was willing to listen.
Licia just stared into space without making a sound.
“Do you have any inkling of what I went through?” She finally responded.
“I literally planned my whole life around you, Kevin. Picturing a happy ever after with you in mind. I figured that was silly of me. My Gramps wanted to meet with you, but unfortunately, that didn't happen. You convinced me to apply to your college so we could be together; only for me to realize the next second that you were gone…”
The tears had started their trail down her cheeks once again, choking out her words and making her pause for a few seconds. I didn't interrupt her. I was prepared to take the heat, or at least I could try.
“Now you feel like you can waltz back in at your convenience, and tell me you are sorry and it will magically fix everything? Really? Don't be ridiculous.”
Her words were stabbing me like daggers and ripping my heart to shreds… slowly and painfully.
I tried defending myself once more. “Licia, I have never assumed that my apology would make up for what happened to us or the pain you went through. I just…”
“You just wanted to feel better and less guilty, I presume. Not because you care about how I feel.” She interjected with a scoff. “So predictable.”
Probably, she was right about me trying to feel less guilty,
but that didn’t mean I wasn’t genuinely sorry.
I was strongly fighting the urge to hold her in my arms and make her reason with me. But, I guess I would just stick to using my words for the time being.
“Let's rewind for a second. I flunked things badly, and I want to make things right. Please, give me that chance.” I pleaded.
“I hope you understand that I am not stuck up on the fact that you left the way you did. I wouldn't have even given it a second thought if you didn’t bring it up. My problem was with not reaching out… totally leaving me in the dark.”
