For every time she had addressed me officially, I always felt a pang of guilt and pain gripping tightly at my heart. The pain was inexplicable.
“Good morning, Licia.” I tried softening things, but I could tell she rolled her eyes, although she tried to be subtle about it.
Oh God... She hates me.
“How was your night?” She forced a ghost of a smile. “And your leg?”
It was just the two of us. She didn’t need to act like she was conducting a ward round, but that was exactly what she did.
“It was good. The pain is getting bearable. How was yours?” I enquired, still not taking my eyes off her. I really wanted to know how she was doing… what was going on in her life…
“I am glad you slept well,” she remarked, totally ignoring my question.
She was determined to be cold towards me, but I couldn’t survive that for much longer. It was killing me slowly.
“Licia, I'm sorry,” I blurted. Not stalling anymore. It sounded flimsy, but I meant every syllable that rolled off my tongue.
She looked up from the drawer, from where she was taking out my meds. She glared at me with an emptiness that mirrored her pain but remained quiet.
I went ahead with my appeal. The silence could mean she was listening or that she was speechless. Either way, I had to unburden my heart.
“I am really sorry that I took off like that. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen that way, trust me…”
She laughed out hysterically.
“Trust you? I really doubt you know what that word means. Trust? Nah.”
She shook her head.
I shuffled to the edge of the bed.
“I know I messed up big time, Licia, but I can explain. Just give me the chance to.” I pleaded, resisting the urge to reach out for her.
“Hold that thought, please.” She halted me with her raised hand, dismissively.
“Let’s not do this, okay?
You owe me no explanations, and I am not interested in your apology. So, save it for someone who actually cares.” She blared.
I was grateful no one was home except the domestic staff, because I was sure her voice was echoing through the walls.
She was beginning to hurt badly… I could tell. Beyond her rebuff, I knew her enough to know that she wasn’t immune to the hurt she was covering up.
“Licia, I really wished things were different back then. I had no control over what happened.”
“Quick question though. If you hadn’t seen me at the hospital the other day, would you have thought about explaining yourself?
You act like twelve years was twelve days… what's the point?”
I could hear the accusation in her tone.
I thought I had all my answers figured out but I didn’t.
“I think…” I stuttered.
She interjected again.
“Please, Sir. This is inappropriate. You are my patient, who also doubles as my boss for now, and I am your caregiver. I can’t be seen having this conversation with you, so I would appreciate it if we stick to our nurse-patient relationship.”
