He’s really scared.
In a way I’ve never seen before.
“We want to try to have a pup,” he softly says. “I do not want us to do anything that will drag us into a war on multiple fronts. He isn’t anyone’s mate. Hardly anyone wants to fuck him to initiate him because they’re scared, Jax. Before the vampires, yeah, it would have been due to his old man’s rep, but I guarantee you there would’ve been a few people willing to do it despite that, even if for no other reason than as a literal fuck-you to Sterling.”
“How many people have you talked to about this?”
“Today? Only a few. Omegas. The news about the vampires is already out, but only bits, not the full story. The omegas and some gammas are literally shitting bricks and considering going out of town, and if they leave, if you think at least some of their Alphas won’t go with them, then you are definitely not paying attention, Jax.”
I’m…stunned. “But I’ve had Alphas tell me they’ll help with sentry duty.”
“If the threat was only Sterling and his people coming onto our land, every last fucking one of our packmates would pick up arms, flip him off, and say ‘bring it.’ But they aren’t willing to lay down their lives against non-shifters they know we’re no match against over a grudge for a pup they don’t even know, who isn’t part of our pack.”
“I’m walking into a buzz-saw tonight, aren’t I?”
He lays a hand over mine. “Whatever you say tonight, absolutely do not give ultimatums. Okay? I don’t think it’s common knowledge about Mal’s connection to Sterling yet. The freak-outs I had to calm were about the vampires. But I’m telling you—be prepared. Because if we end up with a revolt over Mal’s presence in light of what’s going on, you will have to make the decision.”
Goddammit. He’s absolutely right.
And motherfucker, I hate it even more. To the point I’d almost prefer to do something really fucking stupid, like go to Atlanta, show up to talk to Sterling on the pretense I want to make a deal to hand over Mal, and then execute Sterling and let the chips fall where they may.
Except…
Mal’s under our protection but Shawn’s right—he’s not pack. And if things go horribly awry we might not even still have a pack on the other end of things if the vampires decide to take their revenge on him since he’s an easy target.
“What if he is pack?” I ask.
His brows knit in confusion. “How? You try to push him through now as some rush initiation, I’d be willing to bet a non-zero number of Alphas immediately blackball him, not to mention a bunch of others. Just because Todd could speak to him mentally doesn’t mean they’re automatically mates. Mal isn’t someone’s mate. If he were, that would swing the pendulum—barely—to the other end of the spectrum. People would still bitch, sure, but they would fall in line because then it’s the principle. We still don’t have time to fully initiate him even if he is someone’s mate. Not under these circumstances. All I’m saying is prepare to make a tough call tonight, Jax. One you will not like, but which will be in the pack’s best interest. And you know Mike will absolutely agree with me on this.”
Unfortunately…
I know he’s right about that, too.
I might be forced into an unwinnable situation where I have to make a difficult decision I’ll hate like hell to make.
And I’ll hate myself regardless.
Chapter Forty-Two
Mal
Lots of Thoughts
I sleep like a rock and wake up way earlier than I planned. Slightly disappointed that I’m in my own bed, but smiling as I grab a shower because Todd tucked me into bed. Honestly, I have no memory of it.
That’s how safe he makes me feel—so safe that I fell asleep in his arms.
That’s literally a first for me. I’ve never felt safe allowing myself that kind of vulnerability for a variety of reasons. Mainly because I never wanted my father to catch me asleep with someone, and I certainly didn’t want to put them at risk from him.
Part of me hates myself that I didn’t nut up and buy a gun and take him out during a run. Except I know my three brothers would have chased me down on general principles to kill me, even though taking out Randolph Sterling would mean their lives get a lot easier, too. Then they could fight each other for who would take over as the pack Alpha.
I damned sure don’t want it.
I catch a whiff of food and head out to see if Todd’s awake just to find him stepping out his back door.
And he looks happy to see me, something else I belatedly realize has been lacking in my life. Except Mom.
Sorry. In this case, she doesn’t count.
