Tentative Peace
I haven’t even been here three full days yet and I feel like I’m “home.” It’s no lie to say that despite how hard and dirty the work is, if I had to spend the rest of my life doing what I’m doing now, with the people I’m doing it with, and living where I am?
Worth it.
I’m certain I have PTSD, but while working my ass off alongside a bunch of great guys who respect me and seem to enjoy my company, I’ve never been happier.
Low bar, I know.
Not to mention my boss is a fucking hunk. I can’t help that I fantasize about what it’d be like getting rutted by him. On the regular, and not just for initiation. I’d gladly give it up to him any time and anywhere.
But so far, other than the joking around, he hasn’t made any serious passes at me and I’m not stupid enough to jeopardize this situation by making one at him.
I wish Shawn would start introducing me around, though. The faster I can get through the initiation process, the better I’ll feel.
I mean, yeah, I’m obviously looking forward to the process itself.
Especially the slutting around part.
Because it’ll be damned nice cutting loose and not giving a shit what my father or anyone else thinks. Once I get it out of my system I might feel differently, but even while working my ass off in the summer heat and surrounded by the smell of cow shit I still chub up thinking about spreading my ass for all comers.
When I finish work for the day, I say goodbye to my coworkers and walk back to the house despite being offered rides. If Todd’s around he usually gives me a lift in the ATV but I like the walk. Enjoy it.
I’m free to walk. Outside of respecting the rules I agreed to upon my arrival, I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want to do whenever the fuck I want to do it.
There is no way to describe how that feels if you didn’t grow up hopelessly pinned beneath the violently controlling paw of Randolph Sterling.
Besides, despite the heat today I’m enjoying getting to know the new scents of my adopted home. Walking allows me to slow, pause, stand there with my nose up and my eyes closed, and just…breathe.
I hope I’m allowed to stay. My father would never stand for it if he knew where I was. If he didn’t order me killed, he’d order me dragged back.
The stupid thing is, he doesn’t want me! It costs him literally nothing to just let me go and do my own thing and pretend I don’t exist. But because I didn’t turn out to be a creepy cookie-cutter version of him that he can mold into whatever he wants, that’s somehow a personal affront to his soul.
Even in the few of short days I’ve been here, without being stuck in literal survival mode, I realize how my father isn’t capable of love and has no desire to be.
I’ve just opened the apartment door when Todd walks around the end of the house and spots me there.
My cock chubs.
Dammit. I can’t help it—he’s gorgeous!
He walks toward me and it takes every ounce of strength in my soul not to reach down and adjust myself.
Yep. I’m stroking one out in the shower.
“Feel like joining me for dinner?” he asks.
Can I be your dinner?
But no, I don’t say that. Duh.
“Yeah, sure!”
He rubs at his chin and I spot the late-day stubble there. “Plenty of time to grab a shower first,” he says. “I need one, too. I’ll grill us some steaks and we can eat outside and enjoy the evening.”
“Sounds good,” I say.
He claps me on the shoulder as he passes me to head to the back door. I manage to force myself not to stand there watching him walk away and head inside.
