Fair enough. He didn’t have a reason to conceal his true name from someone, but totally understood why a single female submissive would want or need to.
Her large, greyish-green eyes studied him as he talked and told her a little about himself and his experience. She still wore her long reddish blonde hair in a loose, messy bun on the top of her head.
That was one benefit about dating inside the BDSM pond—it was easy to get likes and dislikes noted and out of the way before discussing things such as real names.
“How are your rope skills?” she asked when he’d finished listing his kinks and play preferences.
“I can restrain someone, but I’m definitely not at the level of the Top you just played with. I wouldn’t even think about attempting a suspension right now.”
“Oh.” She sat back, pulling the ponytail holder from her hair and finger-combing her tresses. They hung past her shoulders. “I really like rope. I’m not much of a masochist. I mean, I’ll take some light play. Sensual play. Any kind of bondage, though, whether it’s rope or cuffs or whatever, will turn my crank hard.” She smiled. “Strict protocols, like kneeling, stuff like that, is fun, too. I like handing over control when I trust someone.”
In the past, that would have been the exactly perfect line to reel him in hard to ask for more details and continue the conversation.
“Eliza said you’re single,” she noted. “Did you want to play tonight?”
At least he didn’t have to make up a reason to refuse her. “I didn’t come prepared to play tonight, and I don’t think I’m in the right headspace to play anyway, sorry. It’s been a long week.”
“That’s okay.” Although she did look a little disappointed.
He forced himself to ask it. “Did you want to grab dinner or something sometime?”
Even he heard the lack of interest in his voice.Damn, I used to be better at this.
“I mean, hit me up on Fet and send me a message with your deets.” She told him her profile name, which was actually different than what she’d given him as a scene name. “I marked myself as coming tonight, so you can find me through the event page. I’ve got a crazy work schedule the next couple of weeks, so it’d have to be after that.”
He nodded, relieved, and feeling like an idiot for feeling relieved. “Sure, not a problem.”
Before Hank returned, would Maddox have felt eager to follow up with her? Shown her more interest so she’d be eager to explore things a little sooner with him?
Because he suspected, based on her tone and how she was glancing around already, that her work schedule was just an excuse.
Which was disappointing on a number of levels, because it was an immediate ding against her for the dishonesty. Nothing he could pin down for certain, of course, but her body language screamed it.
And he wasn’t about to ignore that.
Missing subtle cues the last time got him into that mess with Kelly.
Rather, allowed him to miss the mess she was making of his life without him even knowing it at the time.
“Nice talking to you.” She pointed to a small group of people who’d just arrived, half of them carrying gear bags. “I’ve been waiting for them to arrive. Hit me up and we’ll get together sometime.”
“Sure. Thanks. Nice talking to you, too.” But as she stood and walked over to the group and started giving and receiving hugs, he knew it’d never happen.
So he picked up his bottle of water and refocused on the suspension in progress.
Eliza plopped down next to him, wearing a dour expression. “Dude, you could’ve tried a little harder than that. You ruin our perfect record, I’mnotgoing to be happy.” She poked him in the shoulder.
“Sorry, ma’am.” He swirled his water bottle a little. “I’m just not feeling it.”
Her expression softened. “You could try talking to Hank.”
“And if he freaks out and it ruins our friendship?” He met her gaze.
“Maybe it won’t, you know. Maybe he’ll surprise you.”
“He’s only been back in my life for two weeks. I’m not willing to risk that. If he expresses an interest in what I’m doing here, I can ease my way into that conversation and come out as bi. But right now, I think that’d overwhelm him.”
“Sad thing is, I think you’re right about that, at least.” She patted him on the shoulder before she stood and headed across the space to talk to someone else.
As the suspension progressed, Maddox tried to focus on that and not on the thoughts in his brain, the fears, the worst-case potential if he came out completely to Hank.
Because he wasn’t sure he could handle that kind of broken heart right now.
