I’m still internally at war with myself, trying to decide who to believe. Do I trust my gut, the one that tells me God put me in Apollyon’s arms for a reason, or do I believe the raw emotion that seeped out of Kameron as he begged him to stop during the blackout? While I’m not sure, I can say, this morning something felt different. I felt drawn to leave my enclosure, and while I’m not seeking him out, I don't think I would mind seeing him.
Almost as if he could sense my thoughts, the screen door to the cabin swings open and Kameron walks out. The mug in his palms steams up and around his face, highlighting his chiseled jawline. The muscles throughout his ink covered arms flex as he swishes the coffee around, causing my thighs to clench without thought.
“Hey,” I look up at him, doing my best to remain calm. His eyes widen in response and I watch as his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows.God, this man is beautiful.
“Uh, hey,” he responds as he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “Do you mind if I join you?”
I look down at the old red blanket wrapping my body, giving myself a moment to regain my composure before I respond. After a few seconds, I give him a nod, and he sits down in the chair next to mine.
“Are you cold?” I ask, looking up and down at him. The mountains this time of year are frigid, yet here Kameron is, in just a plain black T shirt and some jeans. “This blanket is huge,I wouldn’t mind sharing if you are.” My already rose colored cheeks deepen in hue as the embarrassment of rambling mixes in with the cold.
He chuckles, the sound instantly liquifying me. I want to hate him, but he makes it so damn impossible. Instead I find myself slowly getting wrapped up in his web once more.
“No, I’m okay. Thank you though, I appreciate the offer.” He glances at me for a moment before returning back to admire the sunrise. I can’t help but watch him as he gently caresses the side of his mug with his thumb, memories of what those fingers can do hitting me like a bag of bricks.
Before I start literally drooling over this man who is supposed to be a monster, I snap myself into place and ask the question that’s been eating away at me. “You completely lost it during your blackout,” I start, “screaming at me as if I was Apollyon, begging me to stop.” I wait a minute, feeling on edge as I wait for him to get angry with me. Instead I’m met with eyes full of guilt while he gives me a nod to continue on.
“I won’t ask you to tell me what happened, but something about this doesn’t sit right with me. How does such a God driven man perform something so cruel to make one act the way you did?”
He fully turns his body to me, scanning me with his eyes as if he’s expecting another trap. Once he seems satisfied that I’m not attempting to lunge out at him again, he finally responds. “Look at the history, Lilith. The Crusades, the eradication of Native American culture, and even now in the Middle East. There’s a genocide happening in the name of a Holy Land. Women, children, and entire families are being slaughtered over those in power twisting religion for their own gain.”
He pauses, taking a moment to lower his voice back down. “Your God has always been a cruel God. His power gets into people’s heads, making them believe they are worth more thantheir neighbor. Apollyon wasn’t the first to take advantage of God fearing people, and he certainly won’t be the last.”
I bite my lip, holding back the arguments that come to me almost instinctively. Sure there are bad people, but to blame their actions on God? I don’t see it. Yet as much as I want to argue, something about him opening up to me keeps me from opening my mouth. To see this side of Kameron, a softer one with a passion to not cause harm, is addicting.
Kameron lets out a breath, blowing the remaining steam from his mug. “I’m going to head inside,” he starts off, “enjoy your morning, Lilith.” As he stands I can already feel the absence of him. I force myself to not beg him to stay, realizing I need time to think. I’ve rapidly intertwined myself around his finger, and until I can figure out for myself what's right and what's wrong, it's going to be best to avoid him. No matter how much I crave him.
The screen door slams against its old wooden frame, making a painfully loud bang that echoes through the room. I pull the blanket tighter around me and look back out to the rising sun. It sits fully on top of the tree line now, illuminating the woods around us. Snow hasn’t begun to fall yet, but as the temperature continues to drop and December quickly approaching, I know it’s only a matter of time.
The cold has begun to get to me, my fingertips feeling as though they are flooded with ice, but there’s something so peaceful about finally being by myself. For the last decade, alone time was something I severely neglected. Whether that was working late nights at the clinic, sleeping with men from the bar, or being surrounded by patients and doctors once I became a ward of The Garden, I’ve never once stopped to find company in myself.
I close my eyes and breathe in the cool air. The quiet of the mountains allows me to finally visit with my thoughts. I carefullylet them in, exploring each one of them. I spend the next hour trying to remember what happened before I was in The Garden, why Kameron killed my brother, and most importantly, if I trust him or Elijah’s side of the story more.
By the time my ligaments are completely numb to the cold, all I’ve managed to find are more questions instead of answers, but there’s one thing I can’t deny. I can’t stay away from Kameron, his pull to me is too strong to resist. Whatever that means for me, I’m not sure yet. But I won’t let fear hold me back.
Chapter Five
The past two weeks since Lilith and I’s conversation on the porch have flown by. She seems to finally be coming out of her shell, engaging in small talk and even a few jokes here and there. I’ve been fighting with all of my might to not scare her off, to not come on too strong. Adam continues to remind me that her healing needs to be on her schedule, and that as much as I desire her, it needs to come on her own terms.
The early morning sun streams through the window, highlighting the map on the table in front of Adam and I. It outlines the entire first floor of The Garden, with exception to the new security they’ve put in since the bombing. One of Adam’s informants, who is still working as a nurse in the facility, has been filling us in as well as she can. The intel we receive has quickly decreased as Elijah has heightened the investigation on how two patients managed an escape during the attack on the church.
“We won’t be able to enter through the side doors, not if those cameras are still on,” Adams groans as he taps the map where the newest red x’s have been drawn.
“So what’s your plan then?” I question, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice. It’s no use, we’re both fed up, and the limitation on our food supply isn’t helping. “Because I’m completely drained on ideas.”
“I’m not-”. A creak in the woods catches us both off guard. We both quickly turn to see Lilith emerging from her room, and my jaw drops. Her thick frame is only covered by one of my shirts, which pulls deliciously against her full breasts.
“I ran out of things to wear, I hope you don’t mind.” She blushing as a shy smile yanks at her plump lips.
“Not at all,” I mumble as I watch her walk into the kitchen. My cock strains against my jeans as my mind wanders through all of the things I want to do to this woman. By the time I was donewith her, she wouldn’t be able to beg hard enough to earn God’s forgiveness.
I’m still lost in a vision of her, screaming out my name as her nails rake down my back when her voice pulls me back into reality.
“Hello?”
“Sorry what?” I stammer out, looking in between Lilith and Adam.
Adam snorts, shaking his head with a smile drawn on. “I asked what you guys were looking at.” Lilith smiles at me, sending more blood to my already straining dick.
