Before I can be utterly consumed by my thoughts, a slam of snow against the glass breaks me out of my trance. I watch as the powdery balls remnants slide down the window, only to reveal the happiest site I’ve seen in so long. Kameron stands out in the snow, a smile pulling his dimples out of hiding, as he rolls up another snowball.Seeing him radiate with joy sends something much stronger than butterflies loose in my stomach.I squeal as the second ball pounds against the window, instinctively jumping back. His smile turns mischievous as he beckons me to come out.
I scramble my way to the front door, quickly tugging on the oversized boots that were delivered for me, before darting out into the icy weather. I search the wintery landscape, looking for him, yet the moment I lay eyes on him a small ball of snow bounces against my chest. Another squeal leaves me as I yell
out, “Oh! I’m going to get you for that one!”
His laughter echoes through the trees around us as I chase him deeper into the woods. I stop in a small clearing and bend down, gathering up enough snow to make my revenge. My cold hands turn red as I roll the powder into a perfect sphere. Pulling my bottom lip in between my front teeth, my feet find their way back to a standing position. I hold my breath as I listen to the silence of the woods, attempting to figure out which way Kameron would’ve gone. A chill runs through me at the eeriness of the quiet.
Snap!The sound of a twig snapping sounds off alarm bells throughout my head. I spin in place, trying to find the source ofthe noise. The forest around me lays stagnant, the only sound I can hear is the beating of my own heart.
Crunch.The sound of a boot packing the snow into the ground sends me spinning in the opposite direction. “Kam?” I stutter out, the blood draining from my face.
I drop the snowball to the ground as I search the tree line once more, my heartbeat skyrocketing. “Kam this isn’t funny!” I cry out, flexing my fingers, desperate to get the shaking under control. Something deep within me knows that he is not the one hiding amongst the trees. He has done nothing but prove to me that he wants to be my happiness, surely he wouldn’t want to frighten me?
Another rustle among the dead bushes sends me flying out of there. I run out of the clearing, hopeful I chose the correct way back to the cabin. Bits of dead branches bite into my flesh as I push my way through the woods. Pain radiates through my legs, reminding me I haven’t properly used these muscles in so long.
Keep going, Lilith.
Keep going.
Keep going.
Keep. Fucking. Running.
I turn myself to take a glance behind me, when I notice the man dressed head to toe in camo, a rifle swinging by his side. Although all I manage is a quick glance, it's evident this man means me harm. His footsteps continue to sound closer behind me, my fear swallowing me whole. My fear gets the best of me as I swivel back one more time to see how far he is. My breath halters as I witness him close another foot between us.
I swing my head forward again, just as I slam into a solid wall of muscle. My body slams against the frozen ground as the sound rings through my ears.
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Chapter Thirteen
The man behind Lilith drops to his knees in the bloody snow. His glossy eyes look dazed as he searches around the trees for help.He’s not alone.Before his body goes fully limp, I swing the hunting rifle onto my back and have Lilith off of the ground and cradled in my arms, running as fast as I can back to the cabin.
Her small frame shakes in my grasp, her wide gray eyes staring vacantly up at me. “I’m so sorry, baby,” I huff out, trying to calm the storm building inside her mind. “I’m here, Lilith. I got you.” I press my feet harder into the ground, darting in between trees as the cabin begins to come into view.
Lilith’s dainty fingers dig into my sweatshirt as I rip the door open. My eyes manically search through the living room, looking for any signs that someone was here. With no obvious signs, I gently place Lilith down on the couch, motioning to her with my fingers to keep silent. I hurry to calm myself down, and begin to take a closer look at the living room. Everything seems just as it was and I let out a sigh of relief, before turning towards Garret and the fireplace.
The fire is out. My internal siren blares as I look down at the half burnt log, now soaked as if someone put it out.It’s the only heat source this cabin has, surely Adam wouldn’t have done that.Only then do I realize how silent the home is.
“Adam?” I call out, fighting to keep my voice in a tone that won’t panic Lilith any further. My attempt comes up short as her head swings up to me, more fear flickering behind those eyes than I’ve ever seen. I turn and head into the dining room, peaking my head in the kitchen. When both of those also come up empty, I check the bedroom. A heavy feeling settles over my chest as I turn the knob.He’s gone. I know that to be the truth before the door even creaks open.
I find the courage and enter the room, only to find myself in a one sided staring contest with the furniture that livesinside. Nothing is out of place, bed still perfectly made, nothing knocked onto the floor.No Adam.
For the first time since I saw Lilith lying on the floor of the church, genuine fear fills me. I retrace my steps back to her, looking for any signs of struggle or something that could pinpoint me as to what happened to Adam. Once again there is nothing, and worry gnaws away at me.
“Lilith.”
She looks up at me from her place on the couch, sending me a hopeful glance that I’m only able to return with a shake of my head. Tears brim her wide eyes as she opens and closes her mouth repeatedly before finding the words. “They have Adam?”
Her question rips through me, shredding me into small fragments that fall to the ground around me. He told me this was going to happen. He told me it wasn’t safe.He fucking told me.I let my selfishness once again leak onto those I want to protect the most. The idea that this is a core part of who I am hits me like a freight train.
Lilith continues to stare up at me, desperate for a response, but I can’t find it in me to move. Let alone respond. Let alone apologizeagainfor being the one to bring her nightmares to life.I really am a Fucking Monster.
Within the moment of us staring at one another, a shift happens between us. One that can go without words. She has been fighting against all she knew to learn to trust me. But something in her borderline lifeless stare lets me know that all of that work has come crashing down. I couldn’t keep her safe. I couldn’t protect her friend. I am exactly what she made me out to be, and have put her into a position where she has no choice but to continue on. There is no backing out now. I have intertwined her so deeply in my web that the only option I’ve left her with is to be consumed. My beautiful little sinner has onceagain become my prey. The only difference this time, is that I wanted to save her.
