“Bats?Belfry?Oh!”I gulped as I slowly pieced together what she meant with her bats and chimney sweep analogy.“I’m usually pretty quick, but that one took me a minute.”
“For everything that’s holy, girl.I could use a good what did you say?A winner with a wiener.I need one of those to come give me the best wienering in the history of hoohaology.”
My eyes bulged.“Hoohaology?”
“Yes, honey.I want a man who is experienced enough that he has a Ph.D.in the study of the hooha.It takes away the hidden mystery of the clit and how to work it.Men act like it’s so hard to please a woman, and we get blamed for it!Nope.I refuse to claim that nonsense just to give a man an ego boost.Not a woman’s fault when a man doesn’t know how to move his fingers.I bet they teach Morse code in Hoohaology school, though.I’m just sayin’.”She nodded once.“They, without a doubt, teach it.It would be a required final exam for anyone to graduate.”
I busted into laughing fits.“Auntie Rach, I think I want to be you when I grow up.Yep.No, I definitely want to be you,” I admitted, thanking her for the talk afterward, yawning midsentence.I stood, giving her a quick smile, and motioned my head toward my door.“I think I’m going to go lay down.”
“Pfft.You don’t want to be me.”
“I don’t?”
“No.You need to be you.Everyone wants to be in someone else’s shoes until they have to deal with a dog pile left on the sole.”
“Meaning?”I asked, pretty sure I understood her but wanting to make sure I did.
“Meaning, it’s easy to say you want to be someone else, but everybody has a past and baggage that no one else wants to deal with.Be you, Corine.Be so unapologetically you and don’t you dare be anybody else.You hear me?”She pulled a hand-rolled joint off the windowsill behind her and lit it.She took two puffs and held it up for me.
I waved my hand.“No, thank you.The stuff makes me paranoid.I’m one of the people who should never touch any kind of drugs.Ever!”
“Suit yourself.Tastes like shit weed anyway.It probably won’t even give me a buzz.I bought a ton of it off a teenager who had no business dealing to begin with.I bought every bit he had and told his ass he was lucky I didn’t mug him with my cane and call his mom.”
“Don’t you have a medical card for that stuff?”
“I do, but that kid seemed happy and promised he wouldn’t do it again after I told him I’d shove my hippie flowered sandal up his rear.Besides, the law isn’t worried about what an old lady like me is up to.Most of them grew up sitting at my kitchen table and eating my food.I’d take every one of their asses in that precinct over my knee if they even so much as thought about writing me a ticket.”
Silent laughter shook my sides, and I bit my lip to keep from laughing again.“You’re my hero,” I admitted, walking across the porch, my hand cupping my doorknob.
“Good talk, short stuff,” she said jokingly, plucking the joint from her mouth.Her head leaned back as she blew out a big cloud of smoke and belted out the beginning words of the songCrystalby Fleetwood Mac.
CHAPTER6
SLINGING LIQUOR WITH FRIENDS
SAC
“Idon’t trust this slimy ass.”I pointed out with a shake of my head.Over the years, I hadn’t grown any fonder of Monty.His ass would double-cross his own grandma if she was still alive, so screwing us over wasn’t something he would lose any sleep over.Of course, if he did, his nuts would be hanging from the rearview mirror of my new truck.
“No one does, brother,” Ghoul said, running his fingers through the end of his black and white beard.
“If that’s true, then why are we still doing business with him?”
“Someone has to take the fall if shit goes south.”Spider nodded.
“So, let me get this straight; the two of you have made us deal with him for years in case we needed someone to blame?Fucking seriously?”I asked, not buying that was the only reason.There was no doubt in my mind if someone was stupid enough to point a finger at us that there was a backup plan, but Monty was a weak ass plan to have.The guy was too flaky and infamously mouthy.He would sing like a canary at the sight of a twenty-dollar bill.Hell, Agent McFaye was better to work with, and I hated that woman’s guts.
“Everything has its place,” Wiley sneered, eying the outside of Monty’s bar, Cat Call.
“Might do it, but this isn’t the place for us.Surely there’s another option,” I huffed.
“Nope.It has to be Monty, so try and keep your hands off his women while we’re in there this time.”
“Yeah, I’ve seen the selection, and I’m not interested.”
Ghoul cocked his head to the side, placing the back of his hand against my forehead.“Sac, brother, are you sick?This is the second time you’ve blown off the chance to jump start a conversation about pussy.”
“Perfectly fine, boss.Just not feeling much like myself the past couple of days.Maybe I’m coming down with something,” I lied, wondering when Ghoul became so intuitive.Maybe it wasn’t Ghoul that was the problem, but me.“I’ll be back to normal and be face deep between a set of thighs before the night’s over.Don’t worry, Prez.”I rubbed my hands together as I forced a smile.
