Jake swallowed hard as his lie stuck in his throat like a pill he couldn’t swallow. “That’s it.”
“Why would you need to tell me that face to face?”
“I didn’t want you to worry,” he said as he held his breath.
“Are you sure there’s not more to it?” she questioned.
He bit his tongue as he contemplated telling her about Peter and his release. He could hear the fear in her voice, and he didn’t want her to be afraid when he couldn’t be there to keep her safe, so he continued with his charade. “I’m sure.”
Madi sniffed into the phone and Jake felt his heart crack in half. He hated to hear her so sad. “Do you remember me warning you this would happen? This thing with the press trying to make something out of nothing?” Dead silence. “Madi?”
“Sorry, I nodded my head.” She giggled lightly and Jake felt a sharp pain in his ribs at the sound of her laughter.
“I swear to you on my life that there is nothing—nothing—going on between me and Allison Gregory, or any other woman besides you.”
“You swear…”
Jake chuckled, “I swear.I love you.Please don’t question that. I can say with confidence that I never knew love until I felt it for you.”
Madi sighed. “Are you still coming to see me next month?” she questioned.
“Nothing could keep me away.” He could hear her sniffle again and he desperately wanted to be near her to wipe her tears away.
“I didn’t mean it,” she said. “I’m not anywhere even close to being sick of you. I’m sorry I said that. It’s just a defense mechanism I have when I think something bad is about to happen.”
Jake stood and bent into the bed, sitting down. “I need you to know that I am completely devoted to you. I will never cheat on you, ever. I can’t imagine ever wanting anyone more than I want you. I was angry at you for not trusting me, yet I love you for the feisty way you don’t put up with any shit from me.”
“Don’t be mad,” she said sweetly. “I’m just really confused. I don’t understand what’s going on. I can hear something is off in your voice. It just feels like more than you’re telling me, but I know you’d never lie to me.”
Jake gulped down a breath as her words incinerated his ears. “You have amazing instincts, but I can assure you that what’s wrong has nothing to do with me and you. I’ve never given myself as fully to anyone as I have to you, and it breaks me apart to know after all this time, you still don’t believe it.”
“I do believe it, and I hate myself for being needy. I don’t know why I’m so damn insecure. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, and sometimes the way I feel about you scares me. You have the power to crush me, Jake, and I’ve never given anyone that much control.”
“I know. The way I feel scares me too, but you need to have faith in me. You can’t shut me out every time I do something you don’t like or you read something that plays on your fears. Dating someone like me is not like dating a normal guy.”
“That’s for sure. Although I’m pretty sure you haven’t officially taken me on a ‘date’ yet.”
“That’s not entirely true. I took you to dinner the first night we met.”
“With Ang…” she laughed.
His heart softened at the sound of her laughter. He couldn’t help but smile when she laughed. “Someday, I’m going to date the shit out of you, and Ang will not be allowed on a single one of them unless she wants to watch me sweep you off your feet.”
Madi chuckled. “Date the shit out of me? Oh, Jake, you have such a way with words.”
“There’s nothing I want more than to have you on my arm. To take you to movies and dinners and charity events and let the world know how lucky I am. To tell them you’re mine. But until I can ensure your safety from the press, and ensure that you can live a somewhat normal life, we just have to be careful.”
“I know…” She sighed.
“Do you? Please believe that everything I do is out of love for you. You need to talk to me. I know you know me better than anyone, but can you find a way to trust me and believe that I do things for a reason, even if you don’t understand them?”
“I’ll try.”
“I’ll take it.”
“Just promise me you’ll never lie to me?” Madi asked.
Jake felt his heart constrict. How he could he lie about not lying? He hated himself. “I promise.” The words cut him like a knife slicing down his throat as they were expelled from his deceitful mouth. Would she ever forgive him once she knew the truth? This masquerade might destroy him. If this was a test, he was failing her and himself.
***
