Chapter 15
To Caroline’s surprise, her husband was already at home when she returned and she froze in the doorway when she saw him.
“I apologize,” she started immediately. “I just… I wanted to see my family and…”
To her surprise, Sebastian merely smiled kindly. “Do not fret,” he said simply. “Mrs. Hawkins prepared quite a lovely meal for us.”
Guilt coursed through her as she followed him to the dining table. There was an array of dishes already spread out and she looked at him guiltily.
“I am sorry, Sebastian,” she said again. “I should have had a hand in this and…”
“Caroline, stop,” he interrupted her gently. “I have absolutely no problem with it if you choose to visit your family.”
She wanted to share the disastrous visit with him, but instead she followed his lead and sat down—picking at her food, her appetite all but gone. She could feel Sebastian’s eyes on her, his gaze direct and assessing. Caroline forced a smile to her lips,determined to put on a brave face, to hide the turmoil that raged within her.
Sebastian, however, was not fooled. He set down his fork after attempting a few bites at his own food, his brow furrowing in concern. “Caroline,” he said softly, his voice gentle but insistent. “What's wrong? You seem troubled.”
For a moment, Caroline considered brushing off his concern, insisting that she was fine. But the warmth of his touch, the sincere worry in his eyes, broke through her defenses, and she found herself spilling out the whole sorry tale—her ill-fated attempt at reconciliation with Beatrice, the harsh words exchanged between them.
“I thought that by marrying you, by taking the blame for the scandal, I could protect Beatrice, could smooth things over with my family,” she said, her voice trembling with barely suppressed emotion. “But it seems I was wrong. Beatrice still hates me, and my parents... they're still so disappointed, so ashamed of me. I could see it in my mother’s eyes, as much as she was helpful… things are different now.”
Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she blinked them back furiously, determined not to break down in front of her husband. But Sebastian only looked at her kindly, his eyes never wavering from her face.
“I am truly so sorry, Caroline,” he murmured, his voice soft and gentle. “I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you, to feel so estranged from your own family. But please, don't blame yourself. You did what you thought was right, what you believed would protect those you love. That takes courage and strength, and I admire you for it.”
At this, she looked up and for the first time she felt rather heartened. Perhaps even if they did not love one another, she could find an ally in him.
“Thank you, Sebastian,” she whispered, her voice soft but sincere. “That means more to me than you could know.”
At this, Sebastian flashed her a smile, a real smile that crinkle the corners of his eyes and made her stomach flip in a strange, yet not unpleasant way.
“You are welcome, my wife,” he said softly. “And remember… no matter what happens in your family, you have me now. I am your family now and I will try to make you feel safe and less… alone.”
Caroline’s heart skipped a beat as their eyes met, her entire body suddenly feeling hot. There was something about the crinkle of his eye and the curl of his lips that had her breath racing.
“Shall we have some tea?” he asked as he stood, and Caroline nodded quickly, almost jumping to her feet in her haste to spend more time with him. His hand brushed lightly against her wrist as they made their way to the drawing room and she shot him a quick look.
To her surprise, he sat next to her as they drank their tea. A comfortable silence settled between them, but despite the lack of conversation, Caroline was overly aware of her husband next to her. The smell of pine still clung to him and when she looked up at him, her heart jumped to her throat.
For the first time, she noticed specks of gold in the green of his eyes and her lips parted when he looked down at her.
Sebastian’s eyes moved from her eyes to her lips slowly and Caroline’s breath hitched in her throat. What would it be like, she wondered, if he pressed those lips against hers? Would his kiss be soft and tender, or would it be hungry as it had been in her dream?
Her cheeks flushed at this and she rose to her feet quickly.
“If you’ll excuse me,” she muttered quickly, “I am quite exhausted.”
She rushed out at his nod, leaving half a cup of tea behind in her haste to get to her bedchamber. Once there, she took care to choose the most beautiful nightdress in her cupboard. She loosened her hair slowly, catching a glance of her reflection in the mirror.
He would come tonight. She was sure of it, and she’d be ready for him.
Her eager waiting, however, turned out to be fruitless. Once again, as the hours ticked by and the manor settled into slumber, Sebastian did not come to her room. Caroline lay awake, staring at the canopy of her bed, her mind churning with doubts and insecurities. Did he not desire her after all? Was Beatrice right about him seeing their marriage as a mere obligation?
Sleep eluded her for most of the night, and when she finally drifted off, her dreams were plagued by shadowy figures and taunting whispers, leaving her exhausted and on edge come morning.
She needed advice and guidance, Caroline realized when her husband was quick to mention work and ride off. Not advice about how to run a household, in fact not even advice her mother could give—much less Mrs. Hawkins. Usually, she mused sadly, she’d talk to Beatrice about this. But as it stood, her sister was not at all eager to talk to her and so she made her way tothe White Estate, where she was greeted with warmth by the footman.
“Would you call Lady Martha for me please?” she requested swiftly. “Tell her Lady Caroline is here.”
