Perhaps, Caroline could not help but think, he was disappointed. Perhaps he would rather have married Beatrice after all, and he was infuriated by the circumstances that had led to their unconventional union.
A feeling she’d never experienced before shot through her at this.
Then he should have refused, a little voice screamed from within her. No one forced him into the union. He could have let it be, but no—he had chosen to marry her and with it, she had sacrificed her relationship with her sister.
The least he could do, she thought, was make her feel as though he desired her.
Was it really too much to ask?
Chapter 12
Where Sebastian sat at the breakfast table, his eyes focused on the plate in front of him, his mind was far from the food Mrs. Hawkins had so carefully prepared. His thoughts kept drifting to the woman seated across from him. His new wife.
She was tense—that much was obvious. Her movements were stiff as she delicately cut into her food. Something was off, but he could not quite put his finger on what it was. Could it be that he had grossly overstepped when he kissed her the way he did?
The food turned to ash in his mouth as he chewed, his eyes finding hers once more. There was no denying that Caroline Wentworth—Fairchild, he mentally corrected himself—was beautiful. Her skin was fair like porcelain and her blonde hair shone like spun gold. Not for the first time, he wondered what it would feel like to muss up her perfectly coiffed locks in throes of passion, to press his lips against the porcelain column of her throat… Despite her obvious beauty, however, her brow was furrowed into a frown and her pink lips were pursed as if she were deep in thought.
Sebastian cleared his throat and pushed his plate forward slightly. “Caroline,” he began, his voice gentle. “Is everything alright? You seem a bit... preoccupied this morning.”
Caroline's eyes snapped up to meet his, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. “Oh, no, I'm fine,” she said quickly, forcing a smile. “Just still getting used to all of this, I suppose.”
Sebastian nodded in understanding. “Of course. It's a big adjustment, I know. But I want you to feel at ease here, Caroline. This is your home now, too.”
Impulsively, he reached across the table and his hand came to rest lightly on top of her own. He could see that the contact startled her. Her eyes widened and she gasped softly. Though he did not show it, Sebastian too felt a spark of lightning run through him at the touch of her soft skin. A sudden warmth spread to his stomach, and he was sure that his heart sped up the slightest bit. He withdrew his hand quickly, unwilling to make her feel uncomfortable.
“I thought perhaps today you could spend some time with Mrs. Hawkins and the rest of the staff,” he suggested, trying to keep his tone light. “Get to know the household a bit better, learn the routines. I have some business to attend to in town, but I'll be back by dinner.”
Caroline nodded quickly and her eyes dropped back to her plate. “Yes, that sounds like a good idea,” she murmured.
An awkward silence fell between them again and Sebastian returned his attention to his plate. As he diverted his own eyesfrom his wife, he could feel Caroline’s gaze on him, could sense the questions she wanted to ask but held back. He could not help but wonder if she thought at all about his decision to leave her alone on their wedding night, if she was questioning what kind of husband he would be.
But how could he explain it to her? How could he tell her that he wanted to give her time, to let her adjust to this new life before thrusting the full weight of marital duties upon her? That he didn't want to force her into a physical relationship she wasn't ready for, especially given the unconventional nature of their union?
He had considered it of course—going to her and fulfilling his husbandly duties, but he wanted to give her time to get used to the idea. The way she had spoken had told him how inexperienced, how innocent she was.
Sebastian sighed at this thought. He had never expected his marriage to be one of love and passion. He knew his place, and the role he was meant to play. And while he found Caroline intriguing and undeniably attractive, he also knew that as a man of his station, he had certain... freedoms that she did not.
It was not uncommon for men in his position to seek pleasure and companionship outside the marital bed. His own father had a string of mistresses, and it was an open secret among the ton. As long as discretion was maintained and no scandals erupted, it was simply accepted as the way of things.
Sebastian had no intention of flaunting such indiscretions in Caroline's face, of course. He would be a faithful and attentive husband in public. But in private... well, he was not quite certain that he was willing to sacrifice the life he had grown accustomed to.
Still, as he looked at Caroline now, he couldn't help but feel a stirring of something that rather intrigued him. There was a spark in her, a fire that drew him in like a moth to a flame. He was certain that she held a passion in her, a passion she’d denied all her life and once given the opportunity to explore it…
But that would come with time, he told himself firmly. For now, he needed to focus on his duties, both as a husband and as a viscount.
As he rose from the table, Sebastian gave Caroline a small bow. “I'll leave you to your day, then,” he said, his voice carefully neutral. “I hope you find everything to your liking, and that you feel welcomed by the staff. If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask.”
Caroline stood as well, smoothing her skirts with slightly trembling hands. Sebastian couldn’t help but notice that she’d hardly touched her food. “Thank you, Sebastian,” she said softly, her eyes meeting his briefly before darting away again. “I'm sure I'll be quite content.”
Sebastian could only nod. A curl had escaped from her updo and he suppressed the urge to reach out and tuck it behind her ear, let his fingers linger on her soft skin. Instead, he turned abruptly and strode from the room, his jaw clenched with the effort of restraint.
He was quiet as he got into the carriage, his mind constantly returning to his wife. He could not help but picture her moving through the house. He hoped that she’d win the staff over. Of course they wouldn’t be rude at all—they’d do their jobs, but he wanted them to like her. She was his wife after all.
His wife.
Not for the first time, he found his mind drifting to what it would be like to truly make her his wife in every sense of the word. To worship her body with his hands and mouth until she cried out his name in wanton ecstasy. He wondered what she’d look like with her golden hair mussed up and her eyes glazed over with satisfaction.
Sebastian shook his head, trying to banish the treacherous thoughts. He had business to attend to, duties to fulfill. He could not afford to be distracted by fantasies of his new bride, no matter how alluring they might be.
