“Lord Balwood and I…were together. In the biblical sense, you understand. There was no protection between us. It is possiblethat even now I carry his child. Perhaps it was all part of a plan of his, but now I have only to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea, with Edward and perhaps Nathaniel as my other option for husband, but it seems that he will be pushed into marriage with Lady Delilah. Edward certainly has planned this all so very cleverly.”
“Oh, Jane,” her aunt said, caressing her face and looking down at her kindly. “I am so sorry that you have had to deal with such thing on your own and in the quiet. I know that I am not a good judge of character, as is very evident, and I know that we have pushed you to marriage far faster than you perhaps would wish to get married.
But even though the truth has come out about Lord Balwood, I have seen the way he looks at you. I have seen the way he interacts with others. I do not see evil and malice or greed in him. I think if you told him this truth, if you shared this fear, he would both understand and protect you. Perhaps some solution can be found. But I do think you need to speak to him.”
Jane pulled back from her aunt and took the handkerchief to dab at her cheeks. “Before Father died, he was terrible. He wanted to control everything. He wanted to make me do things I did not wish to do. He was so entirely different from the man I had known.
And now it seems I am continuing to be a pawn in someone else's schemes, without choices or plans left available to me.” She let out a shaky breath. “But I cannot deny that I do havefeelings for Lord Balwood. I too am skeptical of the evil in him that the scandal sheets discuss, but I saw the way he was in Lady Delilah’s grasp at the ball. It is likely he has gone to propose to her this very day.”
Her aunt’s expression continued to be kind and understanding, and Jane needed that. She held on to it tightly. It was the one steady thing in this wildness and chaos.
“Well then, you should talk to him sooner rather than later, don't you think?”
Jane had no idea what to do, and so she made no answer. She only hoped and prayed that the answer would come to her soon.
Chapter 42
Along with the scandal sheets that morning, there was also a note from their country estate. It seemed that fate was entirely against Nathaniel and his family. His father had taken a turn for the worse, and the doctor had written to send for them as soon as possible.
It did not take them too long to arrive, but the carriage ride had felt long and painful. Emily was at least trying her best to be high in spirits, and her presence was encouraging to him.
But with all the news compounded over the past few days, his mother had weakened. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying, and she was dangerously silent. He didn't know what to do about the situation, but it was certainly untenable. The scandal sheets were dragging both his and Lady Delilah's name through the mud. The implication was that he would offer for her.
Just like before. It feels just like before.
When they alighted from the carriage, the butler rushed out to meet them. “He is not awake, but the doctor said for you to sit with him and to speak to him. He will be here soon to greet you.”
Nathaniel put a hand to the old man's shoulder, and they followed after him. In the sick room, the air felt thick and heavy. His father lay on the bed under the covers, looking slightly gray. Chairs had already been set around the bed and they each went to sit in them. Emily and his mother took each of his father's hands, and he sat near the back of the bed, looking on.
This room had been his parents’ room for years, and it had always been a kind, happy place when he was younger. But now, it felt dark and cramped, and the air was full of sadness.
To think this had all begun because of one bad investment, Father. If only you knew what sort of pain it has caused us all.
But seeing his father in such a weakened state softened his heart towards him. His father was clearly distraught over the business as well. Why else would he be lying in bed, ill on the brink of death, if not because he felt guilty and sad for his family?
His mother whispered things to her husband, and after a quarter of an hour, the doctor appeared.
He stood in reverence near the bed, and they stood as well to hear his pronouncement.
“Good day to you all. It is good that you have come. The good news is, is that he is able to take drink and medicine. But he is not rousing the way I would like him to. I think having you all here and speaking to him will help him greatly. Being alone might have caused him great stress.”
Nathaniel felt guilty about that, but his father would surely understand that the season was upon them. And they were trying to get out of the hole he had made in their finances.
“Is there nothing else to be done, Doctor?” his mother asked.
The doctor's kind face spread into a small smile. “So often time heals all wounds. Rest and time. Now that you are here, I would recommend that you stay with him and spend as much time withhim as possible. Hearing your voices could rouse him from his sleep. I will be back again tomorrow to check on him.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” his mother said before returning to her seat, and Emily did as well.
Nathaniel walked the doctor down the steps towards the door, feeling more tired than he'd ever been in his whole life.
“I appreciate your help, Doctor. We will do as you say.”
He shook the man's hand and then watched him as he walked down the stairs to his waiting carriage. As for himself, he went to the sitting room and sat after pouring himself a whisky.
The Butler arrived only a minute later with a note in hand. “My lord, Mr. Fitzgerald is here, and he has brought this note with him from your home in London. Shall I send him in?”
“Oh, yes, thank you,” Nathaniel said, putting down his glass and standing to receive his friend.
