Margaret came to her side on the settee and touched her hand. “Jane, you have kept this for two days long, and you did not tell me. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this on your own.”
Jane started to cry in earnest. She was not one to cry, but it felt good to let it go, and she leaned against Margaret. They were silent for a time while Margaret stroked her shoulder.
“Talk to him. He seems a very reasonable man who looks at you with much affection. It might have just been a strong moment, a moment in which he could not find the right words to say back. Men are endlessly slower at such things, you know.”
There was teasing in Margaret’s voice, but there was a firmness too that Jane had not heard before. She was terribly grateful for the strength of her dear friend.
When Jane said nothing, Margaret continued, “You need to know where you stand with him. And if there are consequences from what happened, he needs to know that possibility. And as a man, I am certain he already does.”
Jane nodded, tears slowing down. She would have to talk to him; she would have to bring herself to face him again after seeing his terrified face at her words. It was the only way she could step forth into a future with just a little more certainty, and that was something she had no idea she would ever need.
***
Nathaniel had hardly slept in the last two days since he’d been with Jane. Sometimes, when he thought of it, it felt like a dream. A dream in which he’d been incredibly foolish.
She loves me. She said it, and I stood there gawping after her while she walked away from me. Not only that, but I spilled inside of her.
He sighed and closed his eyes, pressing a finger to his temple. He sat in White’s that afternoon, trying to distract himself from all that had happened and to stay away from his mother’s persistence about Jane when he heard someone sit in the chair opposite him.
“Thomas,” he said, opening his eyes with a little surprise. “We did not make plans to meet, did we? Did I forget them?”
“Oh no, not at all!” Thomas said with a laugh. “I came and searched for you, old friend.”
“Oh?” Nathaniel tried to smile, and he leaned forward in his chair to pull his whisky glass into his hand. “What is it?”
“It’s Emily,” Thomas said slowly and nervously, his eyes not leaving Nathaniel's. “If it would be all right with you. I would like to ask permission to court her properly.”
Even though he had suspected it for a little while, both of Nathaniel's brows lifted in surprise. “You have waited a long time, haven’t you?” he guessed, and Thomas nodded.
“I feared what you would say, and I had no idea of Emily’s feelings. But I know now. What do you think?”
“Of course, Thomas. I would be honored. You have my permission.”
Thomas grinned from ear to ear, and then he leaned back in his chair with a little laugh. “You don't know how much that weighed on my mind, Nathaniel.”
“Well, in a way I do, Thomas,” Nathaniel said with a sigh, rubbing his hands together as he thought over his words. “Thomas, I need your advice about something.”
“Anything.” Thomas leaned forward, ready to listen.
Nathaniel looked down. “You know that I've been courting Lady Jane, and that my intentions were very clear from the beginning.”
“I'd say so,” Thomas replied with a chuckle. “One could see it as soon as you looked at her.”
Nathaniel did not smile in return. “Yes, well. I found that I would like to continue courting her.”
“So, what's the problem with that? That’s good, is it not?”
“I'm afraid she'll find out the reason why I initially began to court her, the reason that still remains true.” He swallowed, shame threatening to overwhelm him.
“You know my family’s state of affairs. I have told you all. I need to marry a wealthy heiress. It is the only solution, for I will not tell Emily the truth. And any money she would receive would not go into our family, anyway. But guilt threatens to consume me when I think about Jane learning the truth. She will hate me and never want to see me again. I could lose the woman I…”
She might already, after the way I looked at her when she told me she was falling in love with me.
Thomas's face grew serious. A little wrinkle formed between his brows. “Nathaniel, I've only just learned this, but it has done me well. You should be honest with her. Tell her the truth. For nothing good can come of this. It has become unbearable for you.”
The truth was like a boulder upon him. Nathaniel had never considered himself to be a liar in any sense of the word. And yet he had deceived someone, someone who was becoming so dear to him. He had been unable to say it to her because of this guilt, but he was falling in love with her, too.
“Tell her the truth, Nathaniel. She deserves it, and once you explain your feelings of true love and care for her, I'm sure she will appreciate your honesty.”
