I'm far more beautiful and everyone knows that is the true way to entice a man.
No, she would not be pushed aside. And when the dance ended, and she watched as Nathaniel held on to Lady Jane’s hand just a little too long, Delilah’s determination hardened. By the end of the Season, shewould be the one who Nathaniel looked at like that. She would be the one left standing.
Chapter 22
Jane felt warm, and for far too many reasons that she didn't wish to think about. When she found a spare moment, she finished off her glass of lemonade and hurried out of the main room. Lady Beauregard always boasted about having a spectacular conservatory, and Jane found her way there as best she could. Once the music died down, and she was not so surrounded by so many people, she could think.
That dance with Nathaniel had felt like she was floating, gliding among the stars. But his hands had kept her steady, and his smile had promised pleasure. She knew it was very wicked to think of such things, but she couldn’t help it. Lord Nathaniel Balwood seemed to know just what was in her thoughts, and he seemed eager to draw it out from her.
Jane groaned aloud as she found a secluded corner in the conservatory and took a deep breath of the verdant foliage. She put a hand to her forehead.
I never knew I could be so wicked, dreaming about such things as I do, and then thinking about them while the whole ton is around me! Shameful.
And yet her own scold of herself didn't have much heat in it. The thoughts, dreams, and feelings she had of Nathaniel made her feel delicious, and bold and free in a way she hadn’t everimagined before. It was like she was taking a strange journey or embarking upon an exciting adventure without leaving England’s shores.
“Jane,” a voice said to her side as she stared up at the tall green plants in her corner of the conservatory.
This voice made her close her eyes, a tingle sliding over her skin, her belly taut with desire.
“Nathaniel,” she said, turning around to face him and then leaning back against the balustrade which divided them and the plants.
She had seen other ladies looking at him in the ballroom. He had even danced with a couple of them, including Lady Delilah. Lady Delilah seemed intrigued by him, but none of the other ladies seemed to be so consumed by him as Jane felt inside. She worried that it looked as though she couldn't put one foot in front of the other. Her mind was fuzzy, and she feared that she would make a misstep at any moment.
She had always prided herself on being logical, able to think of only the facts, but Nathaniel was showing her another world that she had not known truly existed. She thought the fanciful world of love was for only people like Margaret and not herself, not a scientist who dreamed of unknown places and living among the stars.
He took one step closer, his eyes on her the entire time. Jane said nothing. What was there to say? If they were in her dream, she might have begged him for a kiss, might have curled her fingers in the fabric of his coat and pulled him closer, feeling his mouth upon hers.
Candlelight from the various chandeliers in the room danced in his hazel eyes. His chestnut hair looked as if it had been ruffled throughout the evening, as if he or someone else had pushed a hand through it. Her fingers itched to do that very thing.
“Did you notice that the roof is glass?” he asked, stepping closer, his eyes drifting up to the glass roof. “Of all the people here at the ball tonight, I thought you might be the one who would like to know that.”
Still silent, Jane looked up, and a gasp escaped her lips. No, she had not noticed that the entire roof of the conservatory was glass. It was domed, and she could see the bright outline of the moon as well as a whole sea of stars. She looked down only when she felt Nathaniel move to her side, his arm pressed along the length of hers.
Does he know what he does to me? Does he too lose breath when we are near?
She had never imagined herself to be so very beautiful, not in the way that could make a man breathless, but in that moment,she wished he and only he would think so. That he too could feel the electricity sparking between them when they touched. She wondered what it would be like if their bare skin was to touch, what fires would ignite then.
You wanton fool. Keep your head about you. He wants to have a conversation.
“It's beautiful,” she said finally, returning her gaze to the roof. “If this was my home, I should never leave it. It would be my one solitary place. I would spend all my time here.”
“If it was your home, I think you would have a telescope as well.”
When a smile crossed his lips, she smiled back at him. “It seems that even after so short an acquaintance, you already know me too well, Lord Balwood. You're exactly right. If only I could bring myself to purchase such an expense. It would feel rather indulgent, I think,” she said, turning away from him after she feared she had stared too long into his eyes. “I would feel as if I was spoiling myself.”
“And why should you not, Jane?”
Jane swallowed. “You are teasing me, I think,” she said quietly.
She had never known the ways of flirtation, or she at least would never have thought that about herself. But even thoughNathaniel made her nervous, she enjoyed the flirtatious way they bantered.
“Not at all.” His voice was low and quiet, yet firm. “I think very often, young ladies especially, forget that they should take care of themselves. Occasionally, they should think of their own needs and not worrying about what everyone else is doing or needing from them.”
Surprised, Jane looked up at him, and he was looking down at her with such affection that her heart nearly broke.
This is a man I could give my heart to.
She tensed at the sudden thought, fearful it would be written all over her face.
