“You must forgive me,” Nathaniel whispered in her ear as he leaned close. His mother and Emily sat on his other side and were talking quietly together. “I did not mean to conjure bad memories for you this evening.”
He was going to pull away, but the scent of her perfume, a light rose, muddled his senses and made his heart race. She turned a little towards him, her eyes falling into his. For a few seconds, their mouths were close enough to kiss, and reluctantly, he pulled back before his mother or sister found him in such a position, not to mention the crowd forming below in the seats.
“Not at all. It is a pleasure to be here again.” She blushed, but she smiled too, and he was relieved he had not done wrong.
The curtains rose, and the opera began, and the lights of the theater were turned down except the lamps around the stage.He settled in, but even as the opera went on, beautiful and mesmerizing, Nathaniel had to actively keep his head from turning to look at Jane. Simply being near her, smelling her scent, and feeling the heat from her body drove him wild with lust.
His mind wandered to the dreams he’d had of her in the past few days, hot and wet, dreams of her naked and writhing underneath him, her fingers trailing in his hair as she came apart in pleasure. He watched his sister wave a fan in front of her face, and he wished that he too was allowed to use a fan as a man, for he was growing ever hotter the more he thought about the woman next to him.
Soon enough, the intermission came, and when the lights rose, he turned to his guest with a smile. “Are you enjoying it?” he asked.
“Very much.” A little teasing glint came to her eye. “Shall I help you understand what happened?”
He thought for a moment and then realized she was returning to the joke he’d made earlier. “Ah, yes, if you would be most kind. I was entirely lost.”
While that was true, he had not been lost for the reason she might have thought. As she began to speak about the opera, he got lost again. The nervous Jane seemed to have disappearedand was replaced with the vibrant, intelligent, spirited woman before him.
Her eyes lit up as she told the story, and her mouth drew his gaze time and time again. He had to try his best to keep his eyes on hers and nowhere else, especially not the lowered bodice of her light blue gown.
By the end of it, he still had no idea what had happened in the opera, but he nodded and smiled and hoped he had appeared that he’d been listening intently.
He said, “Thank you for agreeing to come with me. I was afraid you might say no.”
“Why ever would I do that?” she asked.
“Well, I—”, he lowered his voice, “after the ball, I feared that—”
“Ah.” She colored, but she did not lose the brightness in her eyes or that teasing smirk. “Not at all. I am very happy you asked me. I was surprised, but happy.”
The lights lowered again, and they turned to the stage once more. He was happier and unable to keep the smile from his face, but then, as the singers began once again, the persistent dark thought plagued him.
How could he live with himself doing all this all for the sake of money?
When he caught his mother’s encouraging look, he smiled, but deep down, he knew that he was already too far in. He could not back out now, both for fear of losing that dowry and for fear of disappointing his family. But besides that, there was the tiny niggling suspicion and fear that if he lost Jane, he would lose whatever chance he might have of finding someone he could truly care for.
Chapter 14
The next afternoon, Jane was settled in the library, a large tome of old maps on her lap. The book was nearly fifty years old, and so she had always been taught to handle it with care as she turned each weathered page. Ever since she was a child, she liked to look at this book when she read it with her mother. Her mother would show her all the places she'd been and what they were like, telling Jane that she should try to see one someday.
“Marry someone who will encourage your travels and perhaps even accompany you. You do not need a man, but it would be nice to share such a passion, would it not?” Her mother had told her time and time again, and then her mother's eyes would turn to her father if he was in the room. They would smile at one another, and she would say, “Just as I have.”
Normally, at that thought, Jane would have felt rather morose, but instead, she continued to smile. Last evening had been perfect in every way. Not only was Nathaniel kind and flirtatious and charming, but his family was lovely and welcoming too.
She knew that she had to consider that any man might be interested in her solely for her fortune, but somewhere deep inside her, Jane had a good feeling about Nathaniel, even if the way he made her feel scared her to no end.
She turned the page in her book to a map of Africa, and her fingers traced the outline of the continent. Could Nathaniel be such a husband? To allow her to travel, and perhaps even go with her? Surely he would be interested with a grandfather like his.
I should show him this book of maps. He would certainly appreciate it.
Her heart leapt at the new conversation topic she could share with Nathaniel. She had not yet heard from him that day, but after last evening, he had said that he would call upon her again soon. She bit her lip, trying not to smile too wide, and she closed the book. She truly had never thought of marriage. She knew that she would have to someday, but it had always felt so far away.
However, with Nathaniel, I feel as if it could all be possible, both happiness as well as the release of my fortune.
She rolled her eyes at herself. She had always been logical and sensible. Science and astronomy were that way, and they followed the path of logic. Yet the desire and thrill Nathaniel roused in her made her feel as if anything truly was possible, even the illogical, the passionate, the things she could only think about in dreams.
She was just about to stand when Edward entered the room. She paused, wondering how he always seemed to come at strange moments.
“Ah, forgive me, Jane, but your aunt told me you were in here. I thought we might talk. Is this a bad time?” He put his hand on the edge of the door, looking about to back away.
