Chapter 1
“But it is not thus easy to steer a right course amidst such powerful and opposite tides; all I can do is to take example by the virtues of those with whom I converse, and avoid, as much as possible, the imitation of their faults.” - Evelina
It was the third time Lady Seraphina Hawthorne had read the book Evelina by Frances Burney. She consumed the pages at a rate that she had not been able to replicate with another tome, much to her mother’s chagrin. It was certainly not the sort of book that Seraphina was supposed to be reading. The novel, filled with scandalous romance and societal intrigue, was considered somewhat controversial for a lady of her stature. However, Seraphina’s inquisitive mind and thirst for adventure led her to explore literature that went beyond the boundaries of conventional societal norms.
As she lost herself in the vivid descriptions and captivating storylines, Seraphina could not help relating to the struggles of the novel’s protagonist. Evelina’s journey of self-discovery and navigating the treacherous waters of high society resonated with Seraphina’s own experiences.
Or, perhaps it was merely her own ego that made her feel that way. It was not as if she had any scandalous romances to compare experiences. No, Seraphina had yet to have a man make her feel half as enthralled as the written word was capable of doing. Lost in the world of words, she could momentarily forget the weight of her own secrets and the expectations placed upon her.
Seraphina was acutely aware that she was not like other young ladies of her station, her lineage concealed under a carefully constructed facade. The weight of that hidden truth burdened her soul, creating a perpetual sense of isolation and vulnerability.
Yet within the pages of Evelina, she found moments of respite and a glimmer of hope. It was as if the words whispered to her, reminding her she was not alone in her struggles. Seraphina longed for a life where she could shed the shackles of societal expectations and embrace her true self, unencumbered by the secrets that bound her. Perhaps, if she were honest with herself, she wished she could be more like Evelina.
Sunlight streamed through the ornate stained-glass windows, casting colourful patterns on the rows of books in the family library. It was her favourite room in the house. But Seraphina knew her momentary escape was fleeting. Soon, she would be thrust back into the world of ballrooms, high society, and the expectations placed upon her as the daughter of the Earl of Emberdale.
As if on cue, Seraphina’s peaceful reading was interrupted by the entrance of her mother, Lady Lillian Hawthorne, Countess of Emberdale. Lillian’s eyes held a glimmer of concern as she joined Seraphina and sat beside her.
“Seraphina, my dear,” Lillian began, her voice gentle but tinged with a hint of unease. “I wanted to talk to you about the upcoming Season. It will be your third, and I cannot help feeling a modicum of worry.”
Here came the lecture. For the past three years, Mother had given her the same lecture before the first ball of the season in one form or another. Granted, last year’s lecture was tinged with desperation for her daughter to marry, and this year was likely to be downright frantic.
Seraphina closed her book. “What worries you, Mother?”
Lillian glanced around the room as if checking for prying ears before continuing. She held her narrow shoulders bunched high and her anxiety clear in her anxious posture as she shifted uncomfortably on the bench beside Seraphina.
“My dear, you are known as the ‘Unattainable Rose’ of the ton. You are admired by many, but it seems that suitors are hesitant to approach you. I fear they may believe you to be unapproachable or uninterested in marriage.”
Seraphina sighed softly, a hint of frustration tugging at her features as her grip tightened on the book in her hands. It was not as if she had chosen to be the rose of anything. “I understand, Mother. But it is not as if I intentionally repel potential suitors. I simply have not found someone who sparks my interest or captures my heart.”
Among other things.
Lillian reached out and gently placed a hand on Seraphina’s, her touch comforting. “I know, my dear. And it is perfectly alright to be selective. But I worry that the rumours and speculations surrounding your … aloofness might hinder your chances of finding true happiness.”
Seraphina acknowledged her mother’s words with a nod, her heart fluttering in apprehension. The silent pressure conveyed by Lillian’s reminder was all too familiar.
“I appreciate your guidance, Mother,” Seraphina responded, her voice filled with a mix of gratitude and uncertainty. “I understand the expectations placed upon me and will do my best to fulfill them. But I also hope to find someone who appreciates me for who I am, someone with whom I can share my passions and dreams.”
Lillian’s eyes softened as she placed a reassuring hand on Seraphina’s arm. “My dear, I want nothing more than your happiness. It is not just about fulfilling societal expectations; it is about finding a partner who sees the true beauty within you and who cherishes your intellect and creativity. I know it is not an easy task, but I believe someone out there will love you for who you are.”
Seraphina could appreciate that her mother was a romantic at heart, but the dreamy version of the marriage mart that her mother appeared to hold was nothing like the reality that Seraphina had been subjected to for the past three years.
It was not as if any of these men would pay her the time of day were they to know who she truly was.
The very same secret that Seraphina was never meant to have found out about would be the exact same thing that would ruin her prospects. All the more logical reason for her to find a husband as quickly as possible. Seraphina’s thumb anxiously tapped against the back of the book in her hand as she nodded to her mother’s request. There was added urgency to the necessity of marriage, she knew. The implication that she was not getting any younger was loud and clear.
She had accidentally learned of her true parentage from an overheard conversation between Lillian and her lady’s maid, Adeline: she was, in fact, Adeline’s biological daughter, not Lillian’s. Lillian’s own daughter had tragically passed away after a complicated childbirth.
The weight of this secret has burdened Seraphina ever since. Fear of rejection and abandonment had become a constant companion, fuelling her aloofness and distant demeanour. The knowledge that her true lineage remained a closely guarded secret gnawed at her heart, creating an invisible barrier between her and the outside world.
How could she ever allow herself to be vulnerable when the truth of her birth could potentially shatter the fragile acceptance she had found in the noble world? The love and care bestowed upon her by Lord Philip Hawthorne, the Earl of Emberdale, and Lady Emberdale had provided her with a privileged life, but the knowledge of her true lineage haunted her every step. She yearned for connection, for someone who would see past the facade she had meticulously constructed and love her for the person she truly was.
If she were never meant to know this secret of her identity, how could she entrust her worries to the woman who raised her?
“Besides, it shall be fun, will it not?” Lilian gushed and leaned in closer to her daughter. “Dancing, a little wine, the soiree hosted by the Duchess of Windermere’s only two days away, so you ought to have plenty to look forward to!”
Seraphina forced a smile, but it felt hollow. “Mama, I—”
Their conversation was curtailed by the butler’s announcement of arriving guests. “Presenting Lady Diana Hamilton, accompanied by her daughter.”
