You still haven’t told him about the mess with the salon.
“You are pretty great,” Pen says, “and I’m pretty sure you told me after mynotwedding that you’d totally have his babies.” I laugh because it’s definitely something I would have said.
But joking.
Except it’s not a joke. I really am having his baby.
Holy shit.
“I didn’t want to tell you because it would have made it more real, Pen. I told my family… well, Jensen and my parents. I keep forgetting to call Sawyer. But telling you and packing up my apartment and moving to be closer to Beau and the Sterlings—I can’t hide from that.” Lowering my voice, I say the thing I’ve been most afraid of. “What if they don’t like me? What if they think I’ve trapped Beau and?—”
“They won’t,” she says confidently but she can’t know that, especially because I’ve been keeping more than just my pregnancy from her too.
“But—”
“No, sweetie. The Sterlings aren’t like that. They’re amazing and they’re already over the moon for the baby.”
Looking around my apartment, I nod.It’s going to be great.And I know the Sterlings are amazing. I met them at Pen’s botched wedding, but there’s a big difference between someoneliking you at a social event and that same person accepting you for carrying the eldest Sterling sibling’s baby.
“Are you still there?” Pen asks, making me swallow down the lump in my throat and focus my attention on my best friend. “Yeah, I’m here.”
Pen’s commentswere still rolling around my head the next morning, her reassurance both helping and not nearly enough to calm my nerves. Beau and I had catapulted past thelet’s get to know each otherphase and into the trenches of impending parenthood. Sure, he’s excited now, but would he always be that way? Would he grow to resent me? What if he fights me for custody? I have no family in Montana.
No job.
A business partner who ripped the rug out from under me.
And realistically, I’m depending on them letting me rent his sister’s old apartment to even have somewhere to live.
I have nothing that’s mine.
Releasing a shuddery breath, I place my hand on the back of the couch to steady myself, my pulse racing as my thoughts spiral out of control.
“It’s just the hormones,” I remind myself out loud, because even though I haven’t known Beau long, I know he’s a good man and he’s been nothing but honest with me. That thought has guilt gnawing at my subconscious again.
I need to find something before I lose my insurance.
“Enough,” I mutter, shaking my head as I look around the room. Daisy said she had a couple of boxes I could use if I needed them. And judging by the piles still around the room, I definitely need them.
No time like the present.
And the fresh air will probably do me some good, especially with how off I’ve been feeling today.
Grabbing my keys and purse, I lock my door behind me and head to my car, belatedly remembering I didn’t grab a snack for the trip and steeling myself to get something in town. My body almost sags into the leather seat as I back down the driveway.
When was the last time I sat down?
I’d started feeling better this week, and even though Beau said he’d be out to help me on Saturday, I wanted to get a head start on packing. Now that we’d come to an agreement about me moving and the swift kick in the ass that losing my job provided, I realized I don’t want to be by myself out here for any longer than I have to.
I can feel the start of a headache coming on as I pull into the parking lot and kill the engine.I don’t have time for this.
I reallydon’thave time to deal with the dull throbbing, but the baby doesn’t care about how I’m still trying to get my bearings after so many things were piled onto my plate over the last several months.
Still, I know I need to take it easy tonight, put my feet up and relax, and go to bed early so I can start new in the morning.
Feeling better about my compromise, I grab my phone from my purse and smile at the text waiting for me.
BEAU: How are you feeling? Still no food aversions, right? Mom wants to send some food with me this weekend
