She could only nod.
‘Good, because I’ve been resisting the urge to kiss you to shut you up, but if you give one more silly reason to leave me, I swear I’ll kiss you right here.’
She tore her gaze away from him. ‘You don’t understand. I look at you and all I can think is crippling fear that you’ll leave me when the void becomes too difficult to live with.’
Abhay gripped her gently by the shoulders, forcing her to meet his eyes. ‘No,youdon’t understand. Staying away from you for the last three days was hell, but I did it because you said you needed space and I wanted to respect that. But do not make the mistake of thinking that it was me walking away from you. I choose to be with you and I always will.’
Her lip trembled, and she bit down on it, trying to hold still. ‘This wasn’t supposed to be part of the deal.’
Abhay shook his head fiercely but he looked at her with tenderness. ‘There was never any deal, and you’re letting yourself down thinking about it like that. There is only us, and that’s all I need to be happy in my life. You deserve the kind of man who doesn’t abandon you when life gets hard, and I love you enough to hold your handeverykind of day.’
His vow settled like a warm blanket over her stiff body, and molten hope seeped in through the cracks of her fear. Still, she couldn’t lean into his arms, not yet.
‘I saw how your parents went quiet when Dadi asked them whether they’d be okay without grandchildren. I’m scared that despite my best efforts, they’d think less of me because I can’t give you a family. I don’t want to suffer through a life full of taunts and feeling inadequate, of trying and failing to belong. I know what that looks like because I saw my mother. She lived and died with this same emptiness I feel.’
He placed a finger under his chin, tilting her head back. ‘Jaan, I’m a grown man and I make my own choices. It doesn’t matter whether my parents are okay without grandchildren or not, because I’m okay without kids. I’m not dumb enough to leave you for some fleeting ghost of a perfect family when I’ve got everything right here in my arms.’
‘But you can have it all with someone else. Why stay with me when you only lose?’
‘Why can’t I have it all with you? Even if we can’t have a child the natural way, there are other options. I don’t want another version of my life with another woman in anothermarriage. I wantyou, even if it means we adopt or never have children.’’
‘What if that’s still not enough? What if one day you wake up and realise that you missed out on building your own family because of me?’
‘This is not you, this is your fear talking. We can talk about what-ifs all day long, but it won’t bring us an answer. I know it hurts, baby, and I know it scares you, but I swear, I married you foryou. Siya, I’m devoted to you, I’m dedicated to us, and I’m loyal to you with all my being. Whether there are kids in our future or not, it will ever only be with you, as the mother of my children and my wife.’
Tears burned her eyes, falling in warm trails. He gently brushed away a stray drop. ‘Frankly, I owe Dhruv a debt of gratitude for bringing us here. I finally have all the answers. I want a home filled with our love, laughter, and our kids who belong with us, if not by blood then by choice. That’s the future I want.’
A sob broke out of her as his promise glided over her scars like a soothing balm. She leaned into his hand, swaying slightly. He wound his arm around her, holding her against him.
‘Do you want to know how I spent the last three days?’ he asked.
She nodded, too choked up to speak.
‘I was going crazy with worry. Every hour, I fought the urge to show up at your door. Every minute, I fought with myself to not call you. And every lonely day, I realised I want to be a better, mature partner for you.’
This time, he looked away, and her heart sank as dread began pooling in her belly.
‘And I can only become that by beginning to respect you. I know your family has overlooked your decisions, your comfort, your wishes. Your father has tried to dictate your actions and control you according to his needs and I refuse to be like him. So, despite how badly I want to pick you up and take you home, I will wait for you to come back to me.’
She gripped his collar tight, unwilling to let him go. He slipped his hand down from her face to hold her trembling hand. ‘Sweetheart, I’m not letting you go, so don’t look relieved,’ he teased her but his eyes were misty.
‘I’m telling you that I will not trap you with me because I feel whole when I’m with you. I need you to come back to me because you choose me, choose to build a life with me, however unconventional. If you do decide to come back to me, and god, I truly hope you do, I will welcome you with my whole heart.’
He closed the little gap between them, wrapping his arms around her. She felt the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against his chest. ‘You’re the only one who is meant for me. I love you, jaan. With you, Iamhome.’
‘Abhay…’ she whispered, but didn’t know what to say after that.
He pulled back just enough to place a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead. Without another word, he turned and moved away toward the end where everyone was gathered to cut the cake.
She had tried to build distance, tried to convince herself that she was protecting them both from a future filled with regret and disappointment. But now, watching him walk away,his shoulders hunched with defeat, it felt like the biggest punishment.
She vowed to herself that the next time she met him, she would do it with certainty in her heart. Abhay deserved a woman who knew what she wanted, who had the answers she needed. She owed him that, and she owed it to herself too.
Siya pulled out the photograph she’d found in her mother’s belongings. If there were truths buried in her past, she had to know them. With a start, she realised where to begin looking for clues.
Neena Agrawal.
Chapter 28
