I don’t tell them I have the strangest sense that time is running out. Knowing I have to be there, I drive as fast as I dare, my eye on the clock, willing time to slow down; berating myself. We should have stayed at the hospital. We shouldn’t have gone home. It’s shortly before midnight when I arrive there. Parking, I sprint across the car park, through reception and up the stairs to where my father’s ward is.
Slowing down as I walk along the corridor, I feel slightly removed. Outside the small room where his bed is, I see my mother. As I take in her tearstained face, her defeated look, a feeling of dread fills me.
‘Mum? Is Dad OK?’
There is no flicker of surprise as she sees me, just unbearable sadness in her eyes. When I take her hands, I notice she’s shaking.
‘He’s had another heart attack.’ She seems frozen.
Fear floods through me. ‘Are the doctors with him?’
She nods. ‘Callie…’ Her grip on my hand tightens.
I get out my phone. ‘I should call the others.’ But after the wine they’ve shared, none of them are in any fit state to drive.
My mother shakes her head. ‘There’s no point. By the time they get a taxi over here…’ She shakes her head again.
I see then that she has it, too. The sense that time is running out. And she’s right. Finding a taxi at midnight on New Year’s Eve is nigh on impossible. I text my sisters.
Dad isn’t at all good. I’m staying with Mum for a bit. Will keep you posted.
Alice replies straight away.
We’ll come over. I haven’t had that much to drink.
I get straight back to her.
You can’t risk it. The police are all over the place.
It’s true. The closer I’d got to the hospital I’d noticed more and more drink-driving checkpoints.
An eternity passes as we wait, each minute spun out so that it feels ten times as long. When eventually a doctor comes towards us, I don’t need to ask how my father is. I already know from the way my heart is racing, from the empty feeling I have inside, how bad this is.
‘We’ve done everything we can. He’s still with us,’ she says quietly. ‘His breathing is very shallow. We need to see what the next few hours bring. Would you like to see him?’
I hold my mother’s hand as we make our way to my father’s bed. His eyes are closed, his face slack and as I look at him, my eyes fill with tears. Sitting on the chair next to the bed, my mother takes one of his hands, before leaning across and kissing his cheek.
On the opposite side, I crouch down and take his other hand. ‘I love you, Dad.’ Tears are pouring down my face and I wipe them away with my sleeve, before glancing at Mum, knowing all we can do is wait.
24
NATHAN
I’m hoping to see Callie, wanting to explain about Emily to her. I still can’t believe the timing of that – Callie arriving just as Emily was leaving, witnessing that inappropriate, unwanted kiss. But ever since, I haven’t seen her.
After seeing in the New Year alone, a week later I drive to Truro to meet the builder I’m thinking of working with. As I walk along a narrow street, just ahead of me a door to a café opens and Callie comes out. Her face is pale and she seems to have shrunk somehow.
When she sees me, her eyes widen. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi. I’m sorry about…’ Seizing my chance, I start to explain. But then I realise she isn’t alone – two other women are with her. Seeing the similarity in their faces, I realise they must be her sisters.
‘This is Sasha and Rita. This is Nathan,’ she says to them before turning back to me. ‘Dad had another heart attack. We didn’t think he was going to make it but he’s turned a corner.’
Shock hits me as I try to imagine what she’s been through. ‘I’m so sorry.’ I don’t know what else to say. ‘But I’m glad he’s getting better.’
‘Thank you.’ Her eyes shine with tears. ‘We should probably get on.’ As Callie glances at her sisters, they look at me quizzically.
‘Take care,’ I say quietly.
