“You’re unusually quiet.” Raph said, following Neo’s gaze.
Tele stared blankly at Raph. “Huh?”
“What’s the matter with you? You haven’t said one smartass thing all night.” Raph’s sharp green eyes bored into Tele’s with an unnerving intensity.
“Yeah, like when Raph said I don’t need to fall on my sword, you were supposed to say, “Nah, he just wants her to keep falling on his sword”, or something stupid like that.”
Neo’s mocking, jock-like voice should have amused him, but all Tele could manage was a single, forced, stiff chuckle. He tightened his grip around his beer bottle and brought it to his lips.
“Oh, I know what it is,” Neo said with a glint in his eye. “Our brother’s got girl problems of his own.”
Tele choked on his beer, spraying it all over his fleece jacket.
“Jesus, man, are you alright?” Raph leaned over and gave his back a firm pat as Tele coughed. “Damn, who the hell has you so shaken up?”
“Mm, I already tried to get it out of him, but he’s being unusually tight-lipped about this one.”
Tele still regretted picking up his phone to read Helena’s text when he was in New York last week with Neo. He couldn’t dim the light in his eyes or suppress the broad smile when he saw her name on his screen, and Neo had caught on.
“It’s a long-distance thing. I’m not even sure it’ll work out,” he’d told Neo when he’d pressed him for details.
“Come on.” Raph knocked back the last of his beer and retrieved his third from the cooler. “It can’t be any worse than what I’ve been through with Helena.”
Anxiety rose in Tele’s throat, thick and suffocating. His breath became short and ragged, and his mouth went dry. He blinked at Raph, trying to focus on his familiar features while tunnel vision began to distort his field of view. It was happening again. He was having a panic attack.
Tele tried to set his beer on the arm of his chair, but he missed, and the bottle dropped straight onto the grass.
“Tele, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Raph’s language was harsh, but Tele knew it was out of concern.
His chest felt tight and his skin burned. He dropped his head between his legs and tried to force air into his lungs.
“Jesus, are you okay?” Neo asked.
Tele felt Neo’s presence at his side––felt his soothing palm on his back.
“Tele, come on, it can’t be that bad.” Raph leaned forward in his chair and placed a comforting hand on Tele’s knee. “Breathe with us.”
Breathe with us. Three simple words that his brothers delivered time and again when they were growing up––sympathetic toward the anxiety that had been Tele’s constant companion until he’d discovered meditation in high school.
“Just breathe with us,” Raph encouraged, he and Neo taking slow, deep breaths, keeping a steady rhythm as Tele followed suit.
They stayed like that, all three working as one to support their most fragile link, until Tele’s vision came back into focus, and the tightness in his chest relaxed.
“Tele, you can talk to us about anything.” Neo was standing next to him, massaging his shoulders now, gently shaking him back to life.
Raph squeezed his thigh. “Come on, whatever this is, we can help.”
Tele sniffled and looked into Raph’s expectant eyes––his loving, protective brother whose trust he’d betrayed. He knew then that no matter what happened, their relationship would never be the same again.
Tele swallowed the lump in his throat, biting back the nausea threatening to cripple him. This wasn’t how he’d imagined telling Raph, and certainly not in front of Neo. But, if he didn’t come clean now, he would be a coward and a liar.
He wrung his hands in his lap. “Rapheus…” he began. “Raph… Helena came to see me in Denver last month.”
Tele could feel Raph’s body go utterly still, and he watched the compassion he’d portrayed a few minutes ago drain from his face.
“Jesus Christ,” Neo whispered, dropping his hands from Tele’s shoulders and returning to his chair.
Raph pulled his hand from Tele’s knee. “What?” His voice was carefully controlled, but Tele could see confusion beginning to build behind his eyes.
