I put on a fake old crone voice, “What a pure-hearted young man you are. For this, I shall grant you three wishes. State them, and they may come true.”
He wiggles excitedly. “I wish for a…” he counts on his fingers as I anticipate the same three things he always wished for recently, “a PlayStation, a bicycle…” I wait knowing the third one will be a trip to Disneyland, but the third wish, knocks me off my axis. “And a dad.”
“A father?” I say it in my normal voice. My throat gets clogged up with all the rushing emotion, so I don’t think I can do the voice effect. I knew the ‘father conversation’ was coming eventually, but I didn’t think it would be this soon. And not like this.
He nods. “Do you think Santa brings you a father if you write him down as a Christmas wish? Mona says Santa can’t grant wishes like that. A dad is something you just have. Or don’t have.”
“Mona from school?” Lake nods. I always want to punch a wall whenever I hear that little kid’s name. Mona can be a little too assertive and lately, she has been saying all sorts of thingsthat people should and should have to Lake. Every kid should have a PlayStation. Every kid should go to Disneyland once every summer. Every kid rides a bicycle. Just normal everyday kid stuff. The funny thing is, I can now afford to give Lake all the things he’s wished for multiple times over, except this latest wish. “Lake,” I hunch down. “Some kids don’t have fathers. Some have two. Some have none, like you. And like Taylor Smith-Martin.”
“Yeah, but Taylor Smith-Martin has two moms instead of a mom and a dad. I only have one.”
“Paige and her sisters don’t have one.”
He crosses his arms on his chest. “Theirs went to heaven.” He frowns. “Wait. Did mine go to heaven?”
I shake my head. “Your dad didn’t go to heaven.”
His eyes widen. “Does that mean I have a dad?” I hate how intelligent my son is sometimes. It’s fun when he’s doing homework, not at times like this. Reluctantly, I nod. His face beams with hope. “Is there any chance he can come and live with us?”
How do I tell my son that his father wants nothing to do with him? Should I tell him that his father refused him even before he was born? I don’t want to say yes or anything close to yes and give him false hope. I also don’t want to crush his hope.
“Your father is a hard man to reach.” His face falls, and I immediately want to take away his disappointment. “But I can try to do what I can for you to see him. I don’t think he can live with us, but you can talk to him.” He brightens once again and I don’t know what to do.
Damien doesn’t want Lake. He didn’t want him then, and he probably doesn’t want him now. It’s better this way, actually. God knows what would happen if Damien wanted his child. He would take him and make sure I was not part of Lake’s life. It’s why I don’t want him to know about Lake’s existence. If he useshis power to take Lake away from me, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. And it’s not like I didn’t give him a chance to get to know his son. I gave him plenty. He rejected all of them. Speaking of the devil, my phone rings. In a twisted way, Lake’s wish has come true.
“Mommy needs to take this. You, young man, need to go to bed.” He nods cheerfully and darts to his room while I follow him and enter mine.
“Yes?”
“I thought you’d never pick up.”
“Here I am.”
“Damn, if something irritated you, it certainly isn’t me. I’m just calling to say I will be coming to your family affair.”
If only he understood the direct impact his behavior has on my mood. It’s because of his antics that I am in this horrible situation to begin with. That I had to go to him, bowl in hand, and beg for a marriage contract. But I’m so caught up with my anger and Lake’s words that his own don’t immediately register.
“So you’ll come?”
“Did I call at the wrong time? Is Lake close by? I get it. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to hear me talking to my husband.”
I ignore his jibe. For all his flaws, at least he’s agreeing to come to the gathering. “Thanks, Damien. It’s the anniversary of my father’s death and my mother wants to do something to remember him.”
“Not sure I should be there, but whatever you say, Poison Ivy.” He ends the call immediately after. Poison Ivy? I’m sure I heard that right. I scoff at the nickname. Leave it to Damien to come up with a comic book nickname. I distinctly remember him having either a graphic novel or a fictional novel in his hands. Just like Lake. Lake loves reading and has recently fallen in love with comic books.
I pick up my phone again and go to the group chat I joined after Dad died. It comprises all seven of the Hawthorne siblings and has been inactive since the day of the burial. None have spoken to me about the news, though I’m sure Nolan knows. Might as well tell everyone the news.
Hi. Some of you might have heard the news. If you haven’t, I recently got married to Damien Sinclair. Yes, that Damien and Mom invited him to Dad’s anniversary. About Lake, he doesn’t know yet, and I would like to keep it that way for the time being. So don’t be a dick tomorrow and everything will be fine.
I read over the message before hitting send. No one says anything until half an hour later when I am preparing to sleep. Then my phone chimes. Raine has posted a blushing face emoji. No one else responds. I throw the phone on the nightstand andretire to bed so I can wash away any thoughts of Damien Sinclair. But when I sleep I dream of him, Lake, and his words.I wish for a dad.
Damien arrives at my apartment early the next day. Too early. He’s there a few minutes after Lake left with Paige. Paige was taking her cousins on a trip to the zoo for the weekend and thought maybe Lake might want to come. And since I am a rich woman now, I gave Paige more than enough money to spend on their trip to the Zoo and some at the Museum and for a fun lunch afterward.
“Should I come in or do you have to remove evidence of your boyfriend?” Damien says as soon as I open the door.
I’ve already done that, I say to myself. “Come in. Please wait while I grab my bag.”
I rush to my bedroom and do a few touchups to my makeup as my hands shake. I tell myself it’s because I’m anxious to see my family, but it’s all a lie. Only one man has this effect on me. My heart hasn’t calmed down ever since Damien walked in. Deepbreaths aren’t working and after a while, I give up trying to draw a straight line on my eyebrow and opt for simple makeup.
