“Whose surrogacy?”
“I thought you said she was seeing you. Isn’t it about her being my gestational surrogate?”
I don’t know if it’s the confusion on my face, but understanding finally hits Ellie that when I said we were seeing each other I meant as man and woman, not as doctor and patient. With that realization her eyes widen.
“Oh.”
Ellie looks at me with new interest, like she has so many questions she wants to ask, but all I can do is replay her words and try to make sense of them. Brooke has mentioned Ellie’s fertility issues, but had I completely missed her telling me she was preparing to be Ellie’s surrogate? Not possible.
My floor arrives. I manage a smile and a ‘nice to meet you’ before striding out. I walk to my office in a daze. Once there, I drop into my desk chair.
My mind is a fucking mess trying to piece together what Ellie just revealed and the last six weeks with Brooke. Our first night together, running into her at the fertility clinic on five, our first date, her insatiable appetite for sex, her tender breasts, and sometimes overly dramatic emotions. I thought that was just Brooke, but now that I have more context, it makes complete sense.
I reach for my phone to call her, but stop myself. This isn’t a phone conversation. Besides, I know she’s got a busy day at work and I will be seeing her tonight.
34
Brooke
“Igot the dumplings from Star Kitchen.” I let myself in to Cole’s place but pause halfway to the kitchen when I see him sitting on the couch. His hair is wet, likely from a shower after his workout. “Hey, how was your day?” I continue to the kitchen, where I place the takeout bag on the counter, then move toward the couch and slide into Cole’s lap. “Do you want dinner or dessert first?”
Cole’s eyes finally lift to meet mine and I can tell something isn’t right. He looks pensive. His hands find my hips, but he doesn’t pull me in for a kiss.
“I met Ellie today in the hospital lobby.”
I don’t know if it’s the intense way he’s looking at me or my own guilt for not telling him about the surrogacy, but alarm bells start going off in my head. I move to slide off his lap, but his long fingers wrap around my hips, holding me in place.
“Oh, yeah?” Surprisingly, my voice sounds calm. It doesn’t give away the dread that has settled into my stomach.
“At first, I thought she was you, surprising me with a visit.” He has a faraway grin that doesn’t quite reach his face.
I immediately wonder if I have any unchecked messages from Ellie. A message that would have given me a heads up as to what I would be walking into. I’d been busy all afternoon at work, gone straight to pick up the food, and then come over here. Of course, the one day I don’t check my phone twelve hundred times.
My mind is racing with all the possible scenarios that could have played out between them. Cole knows about Ellie, but Ellie has no idea Cole even exists. I kept them separate at first because Cole was temporary, I had no idea that we would turn into this. I still don’t know whatthisis, but I know it’s more than a one-night stand or casual fling and it scares the hell out of me. I know I should tell him about the surrogacy, I just haven’t found the right time.
“Were you ever planning to tell me about the surrogacy or just wait until you started showing?”
I cringe at Cole’s words. I hate that he found out this way. It’s exactly what I didn’t want. I know I messed up, but I can’t go back and change it. And I had my reasons.
“Of course, I was going to tell you, but nothing has happened yet.” As I say it, I realize he deserves more than this.
Cole slides me off his lap onto the couch, then stands and starts pacing. My stomach drops as I feel the tension radiating from his body. He’s usually easygoing and approachable, the way his jaw is clenched and his arms are crossed over his chest are anything but. His body language suddenly puts me on the defense. I spring up from the couch.
“I mean, what was I supposed to do, walk up to you that first night and say by the way, I’m going to be my sister’s surrogate, do you want to have sex before that happens?”
“I understand why you didn’t tell me right away, but Jesus, Brooke, it’s been over a month since we were first together. I wish you would have found another time to tell me.”
“I wanted to, I just couldn’t find the right time.”
“The right time was any time before I found out from someone other than you. I should have heard it from you.”
“Look, I’m already being a total bitch and I’m not even pregnant yet. You’re going to be so tired of me. I’m going to be moody and emotional, and I’m going to get huge.” My hands move apart to demonstrate a size I don’t think I could even be if I was having octuplets.
“I’m well aware of what pregnancy entails. But it’s my decision, not one for you to make for me.” He runs a hand over his face, before meeting my eyes again. “And those aren’t reasons to walk away from you.”
His response should make me feel better, but it only makes me feel worse. Hadn’t I planned to walk away? I was certain that I had to focus on being Ellie’s surrogate, that I didn’t want marriage and kids for myself. But everything has been changing since I met Cole. And now, he wants to support me? That’s what he says now, but there’s no guarantee he’ll feel the same when everything starts to change. I’m not sure I can handle it when Cole does walk away.
“What about sex? I’ve read that some women have no sex drive while pregnant, just because I’ve been horny on the fertility hormones doesn’t mean I’ll want to do it, it can flip like that.” I snap my fingers.
