Cole walks over to give his mom a hug, then turns to me to introduce us. Before I even get a ‘hello’ out, she envelopes me into a hug.
“We’re so happy to meet you,” she says warmly. Again, I think under other circumstances there would be more conversation, but the focus of the day is baby Jack and I’m grateful for that. Introductions continue with Cole’s dad and nieces. His dad is kind and easygoing, I can see the similarities in Cole’s personality. The girls alternate between staring at their baby brother and asking me if they can play with my hair. Cole’s mom brings out a sticker book and some paper from a bag and sets them up at the table.
The baby keeps moving around the room, everyone eager to hold him. I have yet to be asked, and I’m okay with that. I’m not the most confident baby holder, especially when they’re so tiny and can’t hold their heads up. I don’t think Carrie wants her baby’s head to snap off. I don’t think they actually do that, but I’ve been party to an awkward baby hold once or twice, and it wasn’t pretty.
The girls lose interest in stickers, and start doing spins around the room.
Finally, Annie sits on the couch, holding her baby brother while Sophia leans over them. Sophia looks confused, like she doesn’t quite know what just happened and what it all means. The adults snap pictures of this tender moment until Annie loses interest in holding her baby brother and nearly rolls him off her lap in order to get up. Four sets of hands rush in to snag a chance to hold the baby.
The baby is passed again, and he’s getting closer to me. My anxiety about Cole and his family watching me try to hold a baby is growing. Or it could be that I’m warm and hungry. Any of those things really.
I excuse myself to use the restroom, and ask the nurse in the hallway for directions. Once there, I splash my face with water. I didn’t bother with makeup, which I’m thankful for when I pat my face dry with the paper towel. I’m just feeling off.
When I return, Cole’s at the foot of the hospital bed, talking to his mom. They’re both looking down at Jack who is securely snug in the crook of Cole’s left arm. The girls skip over to him. They must have a homing signal for where their brother is at all times.
“UnCole!” Sophia squeals as she grabs his leg. “See Ack!”
“You trying to eat into my time?” Cole laughs, then relents by crouching down so both girls can see the baby. This results in a full-on view of Cole as he lovingly cradles Jack, with both girls swarming him.
“Gentle,” he tells Sophia, and redirects her hand that was aiming for Jack’s face toward his feet. I’m taking in the scene, completely captivated by watching him with all these tiny humans, so when Cole looks up at me and winks, I’m not prepared for the explosion in my ovaries. Pow! Right in the uterus.
I’ve never been that into men holding babies, but Cole does it for me. He makes holding babies look like porn. Is Daddy porn a thing? I don’t really know if that’s what it’s called, but I’m into it, whatever it is. It’s my new favorite visual. Then it occurs to me that I didn’t have the same reaction when Kyle was holding his son. It’s not just any guy that can elicit that response from my ovaries. For a moment, I forget that Cole is cradling his nephew, and let myself imagine what it would be like if that was his baby,ourbaby, that he’s holding. Realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I want those things. With Cole.
* * *
I’m thankful that Sam has a lot of venting to do about her contractor, because after the revelation about my feelings for Cole, I’m not a great conversationalist.
After we left the hospital, Cole dropped me off at Sarto’s, a modern Italian eatery in Jefferson Park where Sam was waiting for me. He didn’t really drop me off. He parked, opened my door and gave me a hot, possessive kiss against his car before smacking my butt and telling me to have fun, and he’d see me later. I basically floated into the restaurant. But now I’m back to thinking about what I felt at the hospital. It had nothing to do with Cole’s steamy kisses, or sex at all.
Sam snags a bite of my blueberry pancake.
“What’s going on with you?” She waves a hand to get my attention. “I saw Dr. Hottie dropped you off.” She raises her eyebrows. “What’s happening there?”
Sam is too intuitive for her own good.
“What do you mean?” I’m thankful for this sunny patio and my dark sunglasses.
“You two seem cozy,” she says in a teasing voice.
I might be able to convince Sam it’s just casual, but after my realization at the hospital, I really need someone to talk to.
“Sam, I’m so confused. I think I have feelings for Cole, but I don’t know what to do. Do I tell him about the surrogacy? Should I still go through with the surrogacy? Ellie and Josh will be crushed if I don’t. But, if I do, what does that mean for Cole and me? I don’t even know what we’re doing or what he wants. Somewhere along the way my plan to just have sex with him completely backfired. I think it might have been the moment I met him.”
Sam is up and around the table in two seconds. It’s not until she wraps her arms around me that I realize I’m crying.
“Do you want to be with him?” she whispers.
My throat is tight, so I just nod.
“You’ve got to tell him.”
“About the surrogacy? That I want to be with him?” I search Sam’s eyes for the answers.
“Everything.”
33
Cole
